How to cope with 2 sets of aging parents, teenagers and a full time job?
Hello,
My husband and I are the caregivers for both of our parents! Yes all 4 of them! They range from the age of 90 to 85. My mother-in-law has Alzheimer's, my father-in-law is almost deaf, my father has numerous issues including heart attacks, strokes, TIA, and he is blind, and my mother who is in the best shape is going blind. We have a complicated family dynamics in the fact that sisters married brothers. We have no support from the other family; in fact the most of the family doesn't even speak to us. When we make a decision about our parents we almost always have a fight on our hands with the family! We have taken care of them for going on 11 years and things are only getting harder. We feed them, clean their houses, and drive them almost everywhere. When they have a Dr.'s appointment and we ask for help from family, we are always made out as it is a burden for them. I have one sibling that will not do anything for my parents unless she is paid for her time.
My husband and I also work full time and we have a 17 year old and at 23 year old still at home. I feel that I am at wits end. We have taken a financial hit feeding everyone, we do now have meals on wheels for one set of parents M-F. We can no longer take family vacations, because someone must stay to take care of our seniors. We have asked in the past for one of the family to help, the seniors are not taken care of when we are gone. To the point of not even been fed.
I have a very stressful job, that I must keep due to I carry all the health benefits.
I just do not know how much longer I can handle the stress! It is no so much the seniors, it is the way that the family treats us! We have several siblings that will not even talk to us much less give us help! We have no weekends to rest because we are cleaning, grocery shopping, doing hair, and cooking for them all. On Sunday's we can't even go to church together because either my husband or I must stay with my mother-in-law, she cannot be left alone at all, my father-in-law needs a break.
I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up!
Any advice for my own well-being?
My advice would be to look into hiring caregivers. I would also advise that you go through an agency as they can help you with organizing what you need and shifts that would not only help you but be beneficial to all the parents. Caregivers also take clients to the Dr., they do light housekeeping, they can help with hair and nails and with most anything you might need. For instance, a caregiver can work 8a-2p on a Sunday, giving you the chance to go to church and to give your FIL a break. He can be there while the caregiver is there, he just doesn't have to do the work.
This sounds like a totally unworkable situation and it's only going to get worse. I hope you find some help and soon!