How do I cope with siblings who have not forgiven me for not handling parent's estate the way they wanted me to and are mean?

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How do I cope with siblings who have not forgiven me for not handling parent's estate the way they wanted me to and are mean?

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My father passed away almost two years ago and my siblings are still holding a grudge against me for listening to the lawyer regarding my Dad's estate instead of them and for doing things the way Dad asked me to. They are treating me mean, saying unkind words, even acting like it's not just about the estate but they have had animosity against me for years? Mom is not well now, and I think I am going to lose my whole family.

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Lynn, it is indeed pitiful. Your siblings are disrespectful of your father and you. You are obligated to honor your father's wishes and the law. If they can't understand that then that's their problem. I'm so sorry they've chosen this route. But as I said, you can't control their feelings and if they want to act like idiots they will and can. You have done everything to honor your father, fulfill your promise and follow the law. Your dad would be proud of you, I'm sure. Your siblings? Probably not so much.
I know my father would be ashamed of my mother and my sister for pulling the underhanded shenanigans they masterminded. I chose not to fight anything. I pray my legal woes will be over soon. I'm moving along. I spent too many years dealing with those two and I want some peace.

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To those of you who have answered my question, thanks so much. I was the executor of my father's will and every time I asked my siblings to assist, they wanted to do things their way. They did not respect me as the executor, knowing that the guidance I was receiving was from attorneys who knew the law, if I didn't accept their offer for help in their way, then I was "disrespecting them." I told my sister I was handing the will the way Dad wanted and there were many times he talked to me about it and asked me to make sure that things went a certain way. When I explained this to my sister, she not only told me I was disrespecting her and my brother but that Dad was gone and I shouldn't be doing things his way. So, she obviously has no respect for a will and the reason for it. I hope this will heal in time, but it sure makes me want to have a cold heart, which is not me. I just can't believe the name calling and harsh, evil treatment I am getting from them. I feel for those of you who are having similar circumstances surrounding your parents and all. Thanks again for your replies. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers too! LynnHW

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I have a different view of the will situation. In my family my mother has a good bit of money in CDs, bonds, and checking. All of her assets are pretty much in banks. She has a will and she tells me everything is to be divided 50/50. What is happening though is my brother is getting her to put him on these banking instruments as a joint owner. When she does this, it becomes his money and is no longer part of her estate. I tried to explain this to her but her answer was, "oh he will divide it with you." Right.....at the moment he is more hostile to me than ever, he will keep the money and can do so.

I asked him why he wanted to be on the banking and he told me "to keep it out of probate". I understand his point of view but as my CPA brother in law told me, "probate can be a good thing, things have to be accounted for." So I expect much to disappear. She also has no checks and balances on her money. He is totally in control. It has ruined our relationship because I am not allowed to know anything about her finances. Many secrets breed much distrust.

So, if you have done your job and fulfilled the demands of the will. Have not done anything underhanded. Then you need to ask what you could have possibly done differently under the law. What would they have you do?

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It always boggles my mind that a family doesn't understand that the will dictates the disposition of any assets. It isn't the executor's decision, he/she is just the person who does the grunt work on the estate. Most surrogate's offices have a pamphlet describing the duties of the executor. Would that be helpful to your siblings? EVERYONE has a will. Either the one they signed themselves, or the one the state they live in provides for those who die without a will. There is a set distribution of assets determined by the state for those without a will. No family member gets to distribute assets as they wish. BUT for all those who have never settled an estate, they (somehow) think you get to give away things as you would like to do! So many families are broken due to ignorance of the LAW on settling affairs after someone's death. I vote for a family meeting as one last attempt to resolve the relationship. Perhaps you have a neutral party that could facilitate the session!

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LynnHW, you didn't say, and I don't like to assume, but were you the executor of your day's will? If so, you have an obligation to honor your dad's will. I'm very touchy on this subject because a person's will is their last statement on this earth and if they were of sound mind, then it should be honored. I adamantly support my belief even though my mom got mad at me and wrote me out of hers.
If you did everything legally and on the up and up, then you can have a clear conscience. Your siblings could be jealous or hateful or immature, I don't know them. Did they get left out, is that the problem? You can't control their feelings. It's mind boggling to read how families act when there is a will and money involved, even in harmonious families it can happen. I'm sorry you are experiencing this.
My sister was the "lucky" one to become executor after mom got mad at my son, (along with my daughter and me) because he had been the executor. My sister has done a horrible job and now she faces repercussions with the court but that was her doing. And I don't care how she did things but the courts do. I didn't want to get involved but have been forced to do so.
And like you, I was fearful of losing my whole family. I did. It breaks my heart.
If sitting your siblings down for a meeting is out of the question, then you may have to resolve yourself to the fact that its hopeless and maybe time will heal the wounds.

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How do I cope with siblings who have not forgiven me for not handling parent's estate the way they wanted me to and are mean?

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