Dad with diagnosed early stage dementia called and left a message that a son I did not know was with him. He wanted me to come over and meet him. Then called my husband and told him the same, husband asked to talk with him and Dad said he was born with an affliction and could not talk but smiles a lot. This is doubly upsetting as before I had my 2 children I had miscarriages. Could this be hallucinations or an attempt to bring us over to his house? We were there twice yesterday bringing groceries and such.
Just about the message - did your father mean a son of his, or a son of yours, that you did not know? It must have been a worry anyway, but if he was referring to your hypothetical child, I can imagine that it would have felt both eerie and very upsetting.
What I think is very unlikely is that your father has any intention to manipulate you and your husband. When was the diagnosis of his early stage dementia made? Jeanne is right on all counts, that it would be best to get him checked out and see what's going on.
Many medical conditions can cause hallucinations. In most kinds of dementia hallucinations, if they occur at all, come very late in the progression. That is why MargaretMcKen wonders if his dementia is progressing very rapidly. But in Lewy Body Dementia, hallucinations are often one of the first symptoms -- and the one that starts the process of looking for medical help. Start keeping a journal of these delusions/hallucinations. It can be very difficult to determine the kind of dementia in the earliest stages. It will help his doctor a lot if you can share specific symptoms.
Persons with dementia cannot typically live safely on their own. Since behavioral issues start so early in LBD, that is one kind of dementia where supervision is needed from the very beginning. What kind of a facility is he living in now? What level of care, if any, is available there? What are your long-term plans?
It is possible that there really is a person at his facility that smiles a lot and can't communicate by talking. It could be only the explanation -- that he is a son -- that is pure fantasy. Or the person may not exist at all. I think I would go and investigate as well as you can. All of this is an attempt to determine what is going on in his brain, to refine the diagnosis, and to guide what happens next in your care plan for him.
I am sorry to say that you may have multiple visits on multiple days before this is all sorted out. Is there staff at the facility that could help you with some of this, or is it more an independent living setting?
By the way, hallucinations in LBD are often benign to the person having them. It doesn't sound like your dad was distressed by suddenly having a disabled child show up. My husband wasn't bothered at all when he hallucinated a dead body in our bedroom. He just wanted me to stay out until the CSI arrived.
Don't argue with a person having a delusion. Don't say, "Oh Dad, you couldn't possibly have a son there." Try something more along the lines of "Will he be staying overnight? Could we meet him in the morning?"
He needs more supervision than he currently has. I'd like to caution you against bringing him into your home. If we were talking about your spouse having these symptoms, then, yes, it might be possible to successfully live together, unless/until the progression of the disease made it unsafe for either of you. But when it is a parent who has dementia I think the parent/child dynamics make it very difficult to establish a therapeutic home setting.
Another condition that can cause hallucinations in older people is a urinary track infection. Given the situation I'd bet on the dementia, but in the interest of being thorough you might ask about having him checked for a uti.
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