My Mother is in late stage Alzheimer’s Disease, has lived in assisted living the last 5 years, and recently started hospice. My state is actively restricting visitors, but hospice says I can visit in the center when she is “actively dying”. I have not seen her for 4 1/2 months other than on my echo show device. (Like FaceTime but no button pushing by her is needed) Yesterday I got a peek at her in person for a brief minute sleeping, as I had to pick up some furniture from her room at the center. Her decline was easily apparent. I worry the isolation has affected her in many ways. They told me she had refused food that day and is sleeping much more.
As a daughter who has always been close with my mom, I just want to bring her home and be with her til the end. To hold her hand and sit with her❤️. If it’s best for her I will find a way to make it work. My question is what is best for her? I don’t want to act irrationally and make changes that make things harder for her, as I know change is hard for the elderly. But I also don’t want to abandon her at end of life which COVID Seems to be requiring. Any insights would be greatly appreciated as I navigate a difficult situation made even more so by the challenge of our time...
Within a few days he was back in hospital where I could not go, then back to another SNF for more “rehab”. At that time I was not aware of just how bad his health was. When he arrived at the SNF they put him on 14 day quarantine. Even though he had been tested for the virus and was clear of it. Which once again put me in a position of being unable to even SEE him because they wouldn’t allow him out of his room. After 5 days I brought him home. He wouldn’t eat, take meds, and barely took any fluids.
Within a few days he was back in the hospital again. They wanted him to be discharged after a few days to another nursing facility. I said No I’m carrying him home. We set up hospice and brought in the hospital bed, lift, oxygen etc.
By that time I realized that he didn’t have much time left. I told him he never had to go to the hospital or skilled nursing facility again and he didn’t have to do anything he didn't want to. He said Yes! And then smiled his last smile.
You don’t live long when you don’t eat or drink anything. He died in less than two weeks. That was May 21, 2020. I was with him holding his hand when he passed. Hospice was such a blessing to us. I don’t regret bringing him home for his last days because I know he was comfortable, cared for and felt loved. Do what you feel you should, but I’ll bet your mom had rather be home with you.