My mom (93, post stroke, vascular dementia, hip repair, aphasia, wheelchair bound) is in a nursing home for the past three years. Her original roomate passed away and was replaced a year or more ago with someone best described as a harridan ( on a good day) and a vile awful one on a bad day. My SIL has witnessed this person stuffing my mom's Depends under her shirt and stealing them. We strongly suspect that mom's missing clothing is stuffed in this person's many plastic bags. Administrative staff called us a few weeks ago to report that a ceramic Nativity was missing from mom's dresser. Nothing was ever missing from mom's belongings before her roomate arrived. Mom was upset and crying tonight. Roomate was banging a glass maple syup bottle and screaming for staff. The social worker is on vacation. I've emailed a strongly worded letter to the NH admin and copied the world, including mom's lawyer. Any ideas from the beehive?
Dear Ms. NH Admin:
Our mother is Florence XXXX Room 108, on 1 North.
Our mother's roommate, one Mrs. ZZZZ is becoming increasingly abusive and agitated. (I can only assume that this is due to her advancing dementia). This is VERY upsetting to our mother.
Mrs. ZZZZs abusive actions toward staff are affecting our mother's care. Mrs. ZZZZ rings incessantly and verbally abuses staff when they enter the room. We believe that mom's care is being neglected because staff is increasingly reluctant to enter room 108, and I can't blame them.
My sister in law witnessed, tonight (2/16/17) Mrs. ZZZZ banging a glass bottle aggressively on her bedside table in a threatening manner. (She's allowed to have a glass bottle?). My mother was in tears when my sister in law visited this evening. This is an unacceptable environment for our mom, a patient with aphasia who cannot effectively advocate for herself.
We have witnessed Mrs. ZZZZ filching a stack of mother's Depends on at least one occasion (witnessed by my sister in law); we strongly suspect Mrs. ZZZZ in the disappearance of mom's clothing and of a Christmas gift Nativity Scene. This last theft was reported to us by your staff, so these are not the imaginings of a dementia patient. These are facts witnessed both by family members and your own professionals.
My brother PPPP and I would appreciate a phone call tomorrow morning sometime after 10 AM but before noon to discuss what remedial action will be taken.
Please understand that if action is not taken to remediate this situation, we will be forced to contact the Ombudsman, Florence's lawyer and the Joint Commission. We have pointed out the problems arising from the behavior of this mentally ill individual on several occasions in the past and we are not going to stand by and allow our mother's right to a non-abusive environment be violated any longer. We have been extremely patient and understanding in this matter, but at this point, we insist that Mrs. ZZZ MUST be moved immediately.
Please email me at your earliest convenience so that you can set up a conference call with myself and my brother.
They are moving someone new into mom's room (my brother went over at lunch time and one of mom's regular aide's opined to big bro that maybe this one wasn't an improvement, but we'll deal with that when it becomes a problem.
I am beyond grateful to you all for great advice, as always. And as always, hats off to Pam Stegman, who can be gruff, but who taught me early on that mentioning, not often, but at the right time, that you know that your next point of contact will be the Ombudsman and the Joint Commission....well, that's just priceless.
As my SIL said to me today, she told Mom last night, when she was upset; "Don't worry, Barbara will fix this tomorrow". Nice to feel effective once in a while.
So, I know it is a natural reaction as dementia sets in. I wish the best for your mom.
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