How can I create a policy that is fair and safe for all involved?
My mom will be starting with a new live in aide. The issue of an aide having personal visitors to the house has come up in the past. I am trying to create a policy that is fair / safe for all involved. I was thinking for it to state that during the first 60 days on the job please decline from having any visitors in the house. After that point in time, while we don't encourage it since we want the focus to be on mom, if a situation should arrive where a family member / friend must drop off something off at house that is urgent and they will actually come into the house please contact me (daughter) beforehand so that I am aware of the visitor / reason. Otherwise please feel free to incorporate these situations into your vacation so as to avoid the situation whenever possible. Please understand that mom's personal safety/security is my focus as her co-caregiver. So I was wondering how other families / aides deal with this matter?
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In this case, seeing as CGS is taking the trouble to think things through, I'm hopeful that this new aide at least will have a considerate employer and will settle into the household. Fingers crossed.
Which also leads me to CM's comment about them having another home to return to. If you are a single woman who is living in would it be practical or even financially possible to keep an apartment for a few days a month? And if you have a spouse and family, when do you ever get to spend time with them? It is one thing to work for an agency in 8 hour shifts or even one week on, one week off. It is something else again to freelance and to be totally dependent on your employer for house and home. How many paid caregivers have posted here about living in terrible circumstances but being afraid to leave because they would be both homeless and unemployed?
I'm not saying that the OP will not be a model employer, I just want to point out how vulnerable the in home caregiver can be if things go wrong.
You do have a right to know who is coming and going, but tread carefully--balancing your need to know, your mother's safety and the aides right to have a life. An aide can get angry/offended and walk out.
I did have to keep a detailed "care book" with my clients and any receits for anything we'd purchased during the day. And someone in the family was supposed to sign off on it every week. They never did and I couldn't get them to. But the log was there, and I also kept track of visitors she had and everywhere she went. Also how she was feeling/acting, if she'd taken her meds on time, etc. It was tough. And I worked just under 32 hrs a wee. This was co.policy. I am glad, as my client had memory issues and the "log book" helped us to stay on track.
Good luck with this new dynamic for your mom. I hope it works out.
Don't forget to remove all things of value (financial statements, jewelry, etc) before the aide ever begins work. That way, no temptations and accusations on misplaced items.
Anyway. I am quite sure that MIL would have a pink fit if her 'staff' thought they could invite their friends round; and although I don't cop the same snotty attitude about it I don't either think the point is totally unreasonable. Your mother's house is the aide's place of work; and unless you're expecting her to be there all year round, permanently, it's not exactly her home. Presumably she actually lives somewhere else?
So I don't see you should make any bones about it, or sound apologetic: "no personal callers" goes in among the terms and conditions, and if they don't like it they needn't take the job.
Where I do think you're trying to compromise without being very logical is on the six week moratorium - an emergency is an emergency, what difference does it make when it happens? And besides, if something is urgent or a crisis it would be unreasonable to insist on prior notice, which seems to be your second idea. What about a visitors' book for everyone who comes to the house, to keep track of who's coming and going? Then you could include tradesmen and delivery men who are coming in on your mother's business, too, which would be more of a kind of general security measure and make the aide feel less under suspicion.
But to repeat, I don't think you need feel remotely apologetic about it. Your mother's safety and security are your priority, absolutely, and it's perfectly reasonable to expect the aide to respect that.
If a patient requires 24 hour supervision I do not feel a live in caretaker should be required to provide this 24/7 it just is not fair and will quickly lead to burnout and a high turnover rate.
Some plan should be worked out where the caretaker has blocks of time where she can go out, do as she pleases or even entertain friends as long as you have prior knowledge and you have vetted these visitors. There should be at least one free 24 hours each week when the caregiver can spend overnight where she wishes plus a whole week end every 4-6 weeks not including when she elects to take a Saturday at the end of one week and the Sunday at the beginning of the next. If she chooses to volunteer to work extra hours she should be compensated appropriately but this should be discouraged except in an emergency such as a snowstorm.
Talk it out before hiring and get a written contract signed by both parties just as you would expect from a tenant renting a house. Spell out the duties too such as house cleaning, laundry, use of her own car or her employers for errands and Dr visits. Do not expect her to do errands during her own free time unless she offers or is going to the same place for her own needs. Above all stick to the law, she is an employee so expect to pay social security contributions and not get away with cash under the table. This is the caretakers full time job so should not be penalized by not having SSI, disability, and workmens comp. It is going to cost you extra but being a good employer will get you a good employee. Still cheaper that paying agency rates.
Agree the caregiver should have their own private space but should be within contact with the person she is careing for during her on duty hours and not have visitors when she is on duty for more than a brief visit.
I know if probably feels odd to have "strangers" in the house even though you know the caregivers. But I had to wipe that out of my mind because my Dad really enjoyed the company. One fellow was retired so he would sit and chat with Dad.
I don't recall any friends of the caregivers coming to visit, as the late shift did have single gals who were studying for their nursing degrees, etc. My Dad would have said something to me.
Now with a live-in person, that is somewhat complex. The person needs to have an outside life, but she would be unable to leave the house. Unless she has a couple days off and you have someone else working those hours. As your Mom progresses with her Alzheimer's/Dementia [as per your profile] a live-in caregiver will burn out very quickly. Then it is onto Plan B.
Hopefully you are able to furnish a suite separate from the main house so who she invites on her off hours (within reason) shouldn't be a problem. Expecting someone to move in to a home with no personal space or scheduled down time is not a good idea IMO as it blurs the lines between works space and home and can set up a dynamic where the employee can either become a virtual slave or become overly entitled.