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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Why do you need to get him up? Personally, I would consider that respite time. At 96 I'm sure there is no particular reason to awaken at any certain time.
Caring4Dad4, I'd read a lot about dementia, since, that's what your subsequent post says he has. As the dementia progresses the brain and body change. Dementia is terminal. I'd try to determine at what phase your father is in.
I'd inquire from his doctor about hospice or you can contact one yourself and ask for an evaluation. They can offer help. With covid, I'd ask what the home services are at this time. Normally, they offer home help with his care and nurse that sees him once a week. Not sure how covid effects that. They offer supplies, equipment, like hospital bed, wheelchair, etc. which is covered by Medicare. They also have a social worker and chaplain to help the family. They may be able to evaluate his condition and let you know what to expect with your father moving forward.
Most people who have dementia eventually become bedbound and often are not able to do anything at all, even feed themselves. I hope you can get him and your family some help.
He is not the person he use to be and that's ok. Sleep is needed more and more as we age and especially with dementia. So often it is what WE expect, that is upsetting. But with dementia we can not expect just accept. It is what the mind allows them to do at the time.
Speak to his Doctor for additional advice regarding your concerns.
He is 96 and he is tired. My father has started doing the same thing. I am grateful that at least he has no pain, is well taken care of, and we just let him sleep. Please rethink your resistance to this. Best wishes..
Thank you for your answers. I have tried everything from talking to his doctors to checking his medications. He has dementia and can’t seem to focus on anything. I’ve tried keeping him engaged, playing cards, doing puzzles, but he doesn’t remember how. Even reading the paper is difficult for him. He just seems to be staring at it and reads the same thing over and over. He doesn’t want to go out and complains that the walk from the dining room to the living room is too far. Dad lives with me now which is much easier for me, but the waking up issue is difficult. I’ve been told it’s just his age. He is tired.
As with my 2 dear aunties, ages 98 and 101, I pray they pass peacefully in their sleep. It's the best exit possible. May you have peace in your heart as you give him TLC. He is blessed to have you!
Did it seem like there was anything that changed when he started sleeping more? Or did it just kind of increase slowly and then one day you noticed that it seems like a lot of sleeping going on? I don't know if 16 hours is that crazy for someone his age.
As stated by others, could be something medical. Could be depression. Does he have a lot of pain? On any new(ish) meds?
When you try to get him up, I'm assuming he basically is fighting you and just wanting to stay in bed? Does he want to eat? Is he bored? Does he have anything to do and anything to look forward to?
So many question, sorry! Just probing to see what path this might be on.
I would say to try not to get so annoyed with him wanting to sleep. Try to find out why and if there is no "answer", maybe you need to adjust your thinking on it so that you can not be getting upset every day. That's no good for you. If he's OK and for some reason wants to stay in bed, maybe you're going to have to try to accept that, for your own sanity.
I agree about getting a medical opinion on his condition. He may have some medical problem that is bothering him. He may be depressed or it may be that he's 96 years old and is tired. After, figuring out what the cause is, I'd try to obtain ways to keep him comfortable and content. Perhaps, he is content with sleeping.
Caring4Dad4, if you haven't already contacted his doctor, please do so. It could be a medical issue that may have a pharma treatment. Your profile says he is 96yrs old and lives in his own home, and that you do not relish taking him in to your home but you'd like to. First find out what his medical issue is. If he has some profound health thing going on, this will inform your decision to move him into your place. You are retired and his needs, unless it is more like a hospice solution, may quickly overwhelm you, so do find that out first. He may just be "running out of steam" and if he chooses to not pursue treatment, having him in your home may be brief but manageable. Let us know how it goes. I wish you all the best!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'd read a lot about dementia, since, that's what your subsequent post says he has. As the dementia progresses the brain and body change. Dementia is terminal. I'd try to determine at what phase your father is in.
I'd inquire from his doctor about hospice or you can contact one yourself and ask for an evaluation. They can offer help. With covid, I'd ask what the home services are at this time. Normally, they offer home help with his care and nurse that sees him once a week. Not sure how covid effects that. They offer supplies, equipment, like hospital bed, wheelchair, etc. which is covered by Medicare. They also have a social worker and chaplain to help the family. They may be able to evaluate his condition and let you know what to expect with your father moving forward.
Most people who have dementia eventually become bedbound and often are not able to do anything at all, even feed themselves. I hope you can get him and your family some help.
Speak to his Doctor for additional advice regarding your concerns.
Please rethink your resistance to this. Best wishes..
As stated by others, could be something medical. Could be depression. Does he have a lot of pain? On any new(ish) meds?
When you try to get him up, I'm assuming he basically is fighting you and just wanting to stay in bed? Does he want to eat? Is he bored? Does he have anything to do and anything to look forward to?
So many question, sorry! Just probing to see what path this might be on.
I would say to try not to get so annoyed with him wanting to sleep. Try to find out why and if there is no "answer", maybe you need to adjust your thinking on it so that you can not be getting upset every day. That's no good for you. If he's OK and for some reason wants to stay in bed, maybe you're going to have to try to accept that, for your own sanity.