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His memory is good he is 88 and still does whatever he wants. But here lately he been remembering things that never happened and telling detailed stories about stuff that never happened. And can’t believe why we don’t remember it happening. He thinks we are the ones with memory problems. Is this something we should be concerned about? Does this sound like Alzheimer's or dementia?

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As my Mother was getting up in years, I would spend a night or two a week with her. She loved to rock in her rocking chair and tell me stories of her youth. (Wish I had recorded them). As time went on, I noticed that her stories became confused - I would correct her about "her own" memories. Eventually, the stories became more and more nonsense and although she seemed to believe them, it was obvious she had become impaired. We took her to her family doctor who performed several tests and diagnosed dementia.

This could be what's happening with your Dad. You've come to the right place for help and comfort - regardless of the diagnosis. Hoping for the best, Janet
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I'd have him checked for other things to see if he has a UTI or some other kind of infection. The doctor may be able to do some test in his office to see how his mental cognition is. It could be delusions or false memories. I'd let the doctor know what you are observing, so he can do the proper evaluations.

I was a little embarrassed a few months ago when I accompanied my father to the doctor's office. He was in good spirits and was telling the doctor a couple of stories of his younger days. I didn't say anything, but, told my mom when I returned. I was thinking that daddy had some false memories, but, my mom said, NO, he's right. Your dad did play minor league baseball! I never realized it. lol
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I don’t think your dad is remembering things that never happened. He’s hallucinating. When my mom started to make claims that a man who lived in her apartment was breaking in and stealing things (and actually called the police) I knew something wasn’t right.

Have Dad evaluated for dementia. It’s not easy to accept, but you need to know. You need to plan for his future, and the sooner you know, the better for Dad and you.
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Yes, sounds like dementia. My husband told the PT the other day that he fought in World War 2. I didn’t realize they had child soldiers fighting in that war...
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Yes it does sound like dementia. If the level of detail puzzles you, could it be something from a movie or a book?
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It's either Dementia or some other mental illness. He needs to have a cognitive evaluation performed ASAP.
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Yes Joe it seems like your Dad has dementia but you need to get confirmation for your Doctor. I know it is a dreadful shock to the system to get horrible news like this but you need to know to plan for your Dads future. Be thankful to the Lord that your Da has had 88 wonderful healthy years. I wish you and your Dad great peace and every Blessing.
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Yes, get him checked for dementia or other mental issue. When my FIL started claiming he and I had a been having an affair for years and now that he’d moved in with us we should be having a good time... well, that was a definite clue that he wasn’t in his right mind! We had him examined by a neurologist and he had pronounced frontotempoeral dementia.

The diagnosis explained what was going on, but it didn’t make the behavior stop. The conflation of whatever it was that prompted his “memory” persisted. So your dad will probably continue to have these unreliable memories. My FIL went on to have quite a few false memories over the years before he passed and he firmly held that all of them were true and we were the ones who were mistaken or, in my case, denying reality. It can be bizarre, but if the memories are harmless, it might be best to just roll with them. They aren’t going away.
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A couple of years ago my Mom (diagnosed with MCI) told me that my Dad's minister had picked her up to go to lunch at a friend's house. They couldn't go in because the weather was bad so they came back to her house and the minister started yelling at her, saying nasty things because she was Catholic. I knew this wasn't true because I had called the minister before the lunch to ask her not to pick Mom up as the driveway was slippery and I was afraid Mom would fall. Besides, I couldn't imagine the minister doing that anyway! But, Mom brought it up numerous times - same story - over the course of six months. I finally started telling her it must've been a dream. I kept repeating that and eventually she would end the story by saying it must've been a dream. This is about the only time she had such a detailed story that she stuck with although there have been other minor tales that were told only once or twice. She finally stopped telling me this story after we ran into the minister and talked with her for a while (and, of course, all was OK). It was upsetting and weird because I started doubting myself and wondering if it actually might have happened - she was so convincing!
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Boy, did your question ever strike a nerve with me. My mom is the same age and I have been noticing something similar. She has always had an excellent memory and a penchant for telling stories in detail. She always was so sure of herself that I, and others, usually just thought we were the ones that had forgotten exactly what happened. Usually unimportant details. However, now I hear her relating things that I know either did not happen, or more often, just did not happen exactly the way she remembers them. I wonder now if maybe some of her memory in the past was not as good as we always assumed. Maybe she was always getting details wrong, but she was always able to convince us that she was right. She always has to be right about everything, so there is no way to convince her that she could be in error. For those that think I should take her to be checked out, I understand the thinking. However, I cannot imagine convincing her to go somewhere. I also don't think it would be a benefit at this point. She is a very anxious person and if she started worrying about her mind I think it would only make things worse. At this point, I am concerned, but it is not yet a safety concern. Oh, and she does think everyone in the family has memory problems. And worries about them.
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EngineerTom Sep 2018
It is hard to argue with someone who thinks their right. I give it a try but in the end I just let it go. Courage.
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At age 88 he may have dementia. He could also have delusions due to medications or frontal lobe dementia. My mother age 93 has delusional thoughts from time to time. She tells elaborate stories about different things that never occurred. Really detailed stories that someone who wasn’t aware would believe. I doubt that there’s s cure, and if there is, it would be difficult to find the root cause. Delusional thinking comes with age or a plethora of other conditions. At this age, you can’t fix everything.
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Yes, this sounds like dementia. When the stories start to move to the paranoid side of the spectrum, then it can be problematic. But as long as they are innocent, what's the harm? My mother makes up stories all the time, it's kind of exhausting. Interesting, though, when I try to engage her more about her story, she can't initiate beyond the single statement. Then a week later, if I mention it, she says she never said it. Conversation can become fairly one-sided, but somewhat entertaining. Good luck!
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It could be dementia. It could be confabulation, or "honest lying." Or, sometimes old memories resurface. Stories of playing minor league baseball (as in a previous comment) are shared. I know of a man who was a spy during a war. His family never knew. But in his last years, he began telling tales of clandestine flights, war atrocities, and knowledge of foreign languages.
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Madtoe Sep 2018
I think that is what my mom had... confabulation. I never heard of it before.
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Before my father was diagnosed with mixed dementia, he had very vivid dreams that he was convinced were real, not matter how fantastical they were. In one, he was convinced that he had been placed "in the scaffolding in New Haven where they keep homeless people." Needless to say, there is no such place, and he was in his own home the entire time. In retrospect, he was having difficulty with things like bill paying and succumbing to telemarketers, but the memory issues were not as apparent on a daily basis. This may just be the early manifestations of dementia.
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Yes, and no. Not necessarily dementia. People can start confusing dreams with reality.
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We've been told, "It's the person with dementia, that doesn't recognize that he has dementia!" This is typically the case. My dad had many stories that weren't true, but to him they were, and we learned to just listen. Often, he'd confuse a news report with a television show or a vivid dream he had. At one time, he told me that the English government wanted to reward him for his service during the war (this was right around Memorial Day). By the way, he had never been in the war, since his dad needed him on their farm. The reward was a lovely farm house with a truck and acreage that he wanted my children to farm for him. He asked me several times to take him to see "his farm," but when I told him I don't have an address, he seemed to realize that driving him to a place that I couldn't find wasn't possible. I did tell him that I would really love to see that beautiful farm house, truck, and land! My dad grew up on a farm, he was also an artist who was well-famed for his paintings of country scenes (usually containing a barn). I loved to hear his growing up stories and even now wish that I had written down some of them (so my children and grand-children can enjoy them).

Living with people who have dementia isn't easy, but it is possible. I'm sure there are thousands of people in the US who deal with loved ones who have dementia (and we've all got our stories, and we've survived). I tell myself, that likely I'll be the same way someday, and I sure hope my children learned from the way I treated my parents (and other's) that this is the way we should all treat the elderly.
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There are 4 sides to a story. What you remember happened, what he remembers happened, what everyone remembers happened and the lie.

There could allot factors involved. The first step is convincing him to see a doctor for a physical. You may suggest to him to get a full work up and include a cat scan, and blood work.

Also get POA ASAP
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I would definitely get this checked out.I care for someone who has dementiaLast week the lady I'm caring for was sitting while watching TV in her bed and listening very intently.She wouldn't touch her food.usually these days the TV needs to be on or she will not eat.She seems to need some white noise or background noise.Not sure why.This time I asked her why isn't.she eating.She said these nice girls are here and You didnt bring anything for them. That's when I noticed she was watching some sort of talk show with ladies sitting.on a couch .She thought it was real and they were in the room with her and it would be rude to eat without offering them some too. Another time she was watching a movie about a wedding and said she knew this girl from when she was little.Her mom was the fastest in our neighborhood etc.She was watching.my big fat greek wedding. The fantasy and reality gets mixed up and to them it feels real even we know it's made up. Bringing up examples because she HAS dementia and it started at 88 (now she is 93)
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My dad had Lewey Body Dementia. His memory never left completely and he always knew who I was even in his advanced stages but he would have vivid detailed delusions that seemed like real memories and events to him. These included seeing people and pets that weren’t there. He also lost his sense of time. 10 years ago seemed like yesterday and there was no way to convince him otherwise. It was very difficult and frustrating because his reality wasnt real
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Issybeau Sep 2018
My Mom has Lewy Body as well. She thinks my deceased father sneaks into her room at the AL and sleeps with her and then sneaks out before anyone wakes up. She says he's going to get caught one of these days. She also thinks that I nap in her bed at the AL. She will call me and I'll ask how she's doing and she will say "I'm just watching you taking a nap in my bed." I ask her, "Am I getting a good rest?"

To her its real. Frustrating, but you just have to go along.
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my husband tells me stories about playing baseball for his "home team"! He wonders why I don't remember being at his games. Am wondering if he played in high school and thinks I am one of his old girlfriends who came to the games. Sometimes there might be a grain of truth that causes a whole thread of memory like a dream sequence.
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It's confabulation, not hallucination. When the cognitively impaired brain cannot remember something, it makes up something -- and this is every bit as real to the person confabulating as anything that actually happened in the past. My husband was driving me crazy with this for several years before his doctors and I realized he was lapsing into dementia.
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Yes, dementia, and it’s delusional as well. So, go with the flow and acting iike you remember,
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Yes this sounds like dementia

My mom had the same issue - I call it 'Chinese menu memory' like the old menus ... something from colums A, from B, from C - if you listen closely then think it out you can see that it is several memories combined together & it may take time

An example: in mom's case she said to me "your father is a real bastard ... he didn't even go to his own brother's funeral" - all 3 of us had gone so I knew it was untrue but she combined that funeral memory, with the fact dad didn't deliver a toast to the bride [as a surgeon he was called to do an emergency operation] and the fact her dementia had turned her thoughts that he was 'bad' - it took me a long time to remember about that speech he didn't give as it happened at least 45 years before she came out with this
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This is not necessarily dementia.

He may be forgetful and mixing memories. However, that is not always dementia. It may simply be a failing memory,

Without a positive diagnosis of dementia or alzheimers you can not be sure. So get him to a doctor for testing and brain imaging.

Suggesting that you get a positive diagnosis is the only helpful suggestion anyone can offer here. Unless they are psychic.

I once had a client in her late 40s who insisted her father was making up stories, but amazingly when tested, it turned out he was right ,and she was the one who forgot the story.

Testing showed she had early onset dementia.

Early onset alzheimers is very common. Certain forms of dementia associated with other diseases or disorders can start in the 20s.

https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/10_signs
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Oh, this has been very enjoyable, reading everyone's posts! I'm 77 and my daughters are always accusing me of having a bad memory, because I don't remember every detail of someone else's life! (Not to mention that I'd been leading 3 people's lives for several years!) Anyway, I have a great story to share. My husband's eventual Alzheimer's started with a small cerebral bleed right in the speech center in January, 2004. He'd been having balance problems for a couple of years before then, and had fallen from his bike and broken 2 ribs and couldn't remember how it had happened. In retrospect, I assume that he'd been having other "mini" bleeds causing his brain to "short out" for short periods. He was also found to have massive normal pressure hydrocephalus at the initial diagnosis. He had to relearn reading and writing in both English and his native German, and gradually resumed his letters to the editor on all the issues which had consumed his retirement. One night in 2012, when he had already been losing language for awhile, we watched a very interesting PBS show about the "bee dance"--the way bees communicate with each other. A couple of days later, out of the blue, he said, "I knew that guy--the one with the bicycles." Well--talk about "wracking one's brain"--I said that I didn't understand to what he was referring. He said, "You know--the bicycles on TV." I asked if it had been something we had watched together, and he answered in the affirmative. So, after much thought I said, "Are you talking about that show about the bees that we watched together? You seemed very interested in it." "Yes--YES!" he said. "The bees--I knew that guy." I asked him when and where he had known the "bee guy." He said, "In Munich." Well--I knew that he had spent his first few semesters of medical school in Munich back in 1956-57, so I asked him if it had been when he was in medical school. He said the affirmative. So, I went to the computer and pulled up "bee dance" and found the name of the original researcher who had discovered the phenomenon. Karl "Ritter" von Frisch (he had been "knighted"--Ritter) had written a total treatise on the phenomenon in 1927. He later, in the 1970's won the Nobel prize for physiology. At the time my husband had been in Munich in medical school, Karl von Frisch had been there and gave a lecture to my husband's medical school class about the BEES--NOT bicycles!! Isn't it amazing the machinations one must sometimes go through to come to the realization that, in spite of his deteriorating memory, reasoning, and judgment, he still remembered the bee story, and that we had seen that show on TV 2 days before he brought it up. Amazing.......
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Learn2Cope Sep 2018
A fascinating story. The brain is amazing whether it is working like it should or not.
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I know the feeling!..My father tells stories which or exerations or down right lies..He lies so bad..He can't talk with curseing and lieing..He makes it hard on me because I'm usually the brunt of lies and accusations but I haven't authority to put him in a retirement facility..My sister is pulling his strings (she lives in another state) but she doesn't want him living with her..So every bad thing involveing him is all on my shoulders..I'm bout crazy!!!.What can "I"do?..Pete
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What I'm experiencing with my father is what SWOMBO mentioned- confabulation. I have to be careful and remember that's what it is because it makes me angry sometimes because the tails are so outlandish. My 87 yr old Army Vet Dad has parachuted into the Congo to fight the Watusies; fought the drug war in the jungles of Colombia; was best friends with Elvis when he was stationed in Germany. Oh yeah, he also prevented Elvis from committing suicide when he was grieving over the loss of his mother...and the list goes on. What's so amazing is the details in these stories are incredible!
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The short answer is yes, it does sound like dementia. My mom (she'll be 98 in December, and is in Memory Care) was telling everyone a few months ago that she was pregnant with twins. Never mind she's almost 98 and had a hysterectomy in 1980! She went on an on for a couple of months about how rotten she felt with her "morning sickness," and "that's how it is when you have a belly full of babies," etc. She also said that Daddy (who passed away in 1997) knew all about it and was completely OK with it. We laughed at first, and then it got almost embarrassing because she maintained that the [gay] activities director was the father of her babies. We tried to change the subject and divert her conversation. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't!
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Just to let you know.....Dementia is a name given to a set of forgetful/delusional brain problems. As I understand it, there are four, two of which are Alzheimer's and Lewy Body. Not sure about that spelling. It's like saying a patient has heart disease, generally, when there are all different kinds of heart diseases. And, yes, at the age of your father, it probably is Alzheimer's.
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As some people age, and/or dementia progresses, their memories can become foggy or confused, often they have moments of living in their own reality, often you cannot "correct" that reality; you sometimes have to find a way to meet them in their own reality. Unless their stories are upsetting or frightening to them, you might have to just listen and nod and move on when the fabrication begins. It can be tough.... lots of deep breaths, hang in there!
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