My family is moving my father into an Independent Living Facility in four days and he thinks he is going home. He is currently in a physical rehabilitation center but has no idea on what has been going on. He is not independent but home care workers will come in and help with dressing, bathroom, getting in and out of bed, etc. He will be spending time alone and especially at night. They will check on him every few hours. He will have his own seperate appartment. Should't he be told in advance that he is not going home? He is going to be devastated. He knows they are releasing him on Monday but he thinks he is going home. He could go home with help for home care workers and myself but my siblings will not allow. They know I will visit often so I will be taking care of him anyways like I have even though he has been in Rehab.
I would just talk in vague terms of him going to rehab when he leaves where he is, but not any certain time. Then I would tell him it's time to go to rehab as he is getting dressed to go. I made the mistake of thinking my LO needed time to adjust to the idea and told her the night before. Big mistake. She worried all night and then said she was too sick to go the next morning. I had to insist we go even though she was sick and it almost fell through. Therefore, I would give too much advance notice, as it may backfire.
My Dad is excited about going home and he will soon find out that is never going to happen. He will be shocked but I hope it will not take a long time for him to adjust. He will be 87 in October so he needs to enjoy whatever time he has left. He has been so down since being in rehab.
You may find that your dad perks up being around other people throughout the day and at meals and activities. You can still visit him as often as you wish and stay with him as long as you like. He'll probably be more supported in a facility than he would be at home. My mom is in independent living and wears a call pendant in case anything happens. I have aids come in 2X a day to give her meds. She can be as involved with others as she wants to be.
You know your dad and whether telling him ahead of time would unduly upset him. My mom is at a place where I don't tell her ahead of time if we're going out, or she gets all fussed up. So each situation is different.