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My dad is doing well. He is itching to move out of the facility and into the working world. He wants all the "right" things. A modest apartment, a humble job, and things to fill his day.
Heres the catch. With his Wernicke's Korsakoff syndrome, the treatment is maintaining a good diet and taking supplements regularly and abstain from alcohol. I don't trust him to do these things. He's shown in the past to let much slide when life gets stressful.


So far my way of letting him follow his goals while not placing any personal responsibility on myself has been to support him being independent while in the NH. I told him if he wants to be in independent, that's amazing but he needs to figure this out himself. It's going to be hard and stressful, but I believe it's important. If I just do everything (find apartment, set it up, set up meals on wheels, manage his medications) he won't learn anything and it might be detrimental to him when I get back to my own life.
This sounds so harsh but I don't know what else to do!! I cant juggle my life and his anymore. I did so much for my parents the past two years and I just don't have it in me anymore. I just don't. It terrifies me to my core that the cycle may not be over and that the last two years never really ended.


If he can't even make a list of things he needs to do to begin the process of moving into the community, then how can I expect him to function without daily or weekly supervision from me? I can't always be there for him. I'm going to be 23 soon and I have much I need to do in the coming years.


I have called a couple social workers to pick their brain and waiting for calls back.


If this was his first stint in a facility, I'd be way more eager. But the odds of failure feel so high to me that I just can't get myself to help him. And I hate that feeling.

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You’re on the right track with the social workers. They help me with mom a lot. We need help making these tough decisions.

Best wishes for you and your dad.
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I may be looking at something similar with my bro. He lives in a very hot part of the state and we have agreed that no decision will be made by him until the fall, but he wishes to move back into his trailer in a wonderful little park with wonderful neighbors about him. He will not be driving again and it is s/p a bad accident we found he has a brain tumor, benign but affecting balance, and a probably beginning Lewy's body dementia according to some white matter changes and some symptoms. He is not computer literate and doesn't even have a cell phone, but thinks he could shop for groceries. Even before his accident I saw weight loss and hesitancy to get out there in stores that worried me. He is 85 and is finding it hard to make the decision, but I am 400 miles away and there is no real support there, yet I am hesitant to make the last decision in his own life for him. I have told him he would have to do the move on his own, take back his own financial stuff, and etc. I would not help. Because either you can do this or cannot and it is best to know ahead of time than more and more moves. I feel it is out of my hands, but I won't enable a bad decision.
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So, is your dad an alcoholic? Or does he have this illness due to another problem? You are wise beyond your years and I think you know the answers to the rhetorical questions you are asking about your dad's situation. One of these syndromes affects memory, so not sure he will be a candidate to live by himself, unaided, ever. What he *wants* may not be what is best for him, and you. This is very common in folks like your dad. I have 3 sons your age. You are too young to take on such a strenuous challenge and I would never want my sons to do it to the extent you seem to be.

If I were you, I'd give him 100% of the task of getting himself out of there. When he has "failure to launch" it won't be your fault and maybe he'll see he needs to adjust his concept of reality. You're not being harsh. Don't feel guilty about any of it.
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