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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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We have had clashes about this. Help.I helped care for her at home for more than 3 years and it broke up my marriage. Your thoughts would be helpful to me. Lindaz
Linda, your story really rung with me after I had thought about it. My parents were negligent. I won't go through any of the stuff, but just say they shouldn't have had children. My father was a stranger who didn't have anything to do with his children, even though he lived in the same house. Now I know it was Asperger's. When he died I didn't feel anything. Sometimes I would want to talk of the sadness of never having a real father, but I quickly learned that my mother was not one to talk to. Her only response was that he may not have been much of a father, but he was a good husband to her. Of course, I also wondered why I would want to have her understand Dad was not so good when she was even worse. I guess I just wanted someone to hear me. That someone wasn't going to be her, however.
It made me sad that your father rejoices in the breakup of your marriage. It reminds me of when I got here. My marriage of 13 years had ended and I had left everything I owned except my computer and rabbits. It felt like a knife when my mother said that it was God that had done it so I could come home and take care of them. Extreme self interest.
Now a big question is if there is any way your husband and you can patch things up or is that over. What in the world happened? It is a long time to invest in a relationship just to see it lost like that. My heart really hurts for you. I have a feeling that it is a lot like how I felt multiplied by 3. I find myself hoping there is some kind of life to put together again out there when all of this is done.
dear jeannegibbs and all, you're right. Papa does not need to hear this...and I will speak of it no more to him. I guess I'm just angry about the whole situation and it is coming out this way. Papa is beyond ecstatic about the problems in my marriage and cannot wait for me to divorce my husband and tells me this all the time...like 38 years mean nothing....I've been with Joe since I was 22 and now I'm almost 60.....Yes, I am angry, and sad and disappointed. But I will NOT speak to him of this again. Let him remember mama the way he wants. I will deal with my anger in a different venue. But I still wonder why he never noticed the welts on my legs when I was little. Blessings to you all, Lindaz.
it wasnt that long ago that i was bitter with my long departed dad and his religious fanatacism but you mellow with age . my biggest problem with him was how hed laugh right in a persons face at the most unappreciated and inopportune times but ive recently learned that he likely had a genuine emotional / mental disorder . considering that were all a little bit nuts ive decided to overlook that bad memory and try to accredit him with the positive and helpful things he's taught me .
Glad to see that you are seeing a therapist. Speaking your mind sounds like excellent advice, especially if you are not used to doing that. But I am wondering if your father is the appropriate audience for that as it concerns your mother. Maybe. The therapist knows more about the situation than we do after reading one paragraph here.
Was your mother simply not a saint the way none of us are saints, or was it more than that? Was she abusive? Narcissistic? Did she contribute to your marriage problems? Hearing Dad praise her constantly must really be an irritant to you.
Keep seeing this therapist if you think she is helping. Take her more seriously than you take us, since she presumably knows more of the story.
Thank you JessieBelle. I guess I might need to see another therapist. I 'm sorry to say I just have a really hard time to see Mama as a saint when I think of how she treated me in my childhood...but I did put it asise to care for her while she had ALZ...I was the one who took care of her 'personal' needs for the past several years, including diapers and all. I just wanted her to recognize me, at some point, even before she got sick....
It is amazing how many people become more saintly in memory after they die!
Why is your father's denial about the less-saintly aspects of your mother a problem for you? What if you just say, 'I know you loved her a lot, Dad. I loved her too"? Why do you have to clash over this?
If you want someone you can unburden your complaints about Mom to, I don't think it should be your dad. Maybe a counselor? Maybe just vent to us here? If caregiving broke up you marriage I can understand that you are angry over that. You deserve help dealing with that.
linda, cmag's idea of seeing a therapist is a good one. After I wrote above I thought you probably needed someone to understand what you went through with your mother. Your father is probably not the person who will understand. A therapist or a support group for children of dysfunctional families may be the best people to talk to. They will know how you feel and how you need to be heard.
I am seeing a therapist. And her advice was to speak my mind (which I do not often do)....maybe I need another therapist...:) Cmagnum so good to hear from you...yes 38 years and now zip! Blessings to you, Lindaz.
I'm sorry taking care of your mother broke your marriage.
My dad did this concerning my step-mom who died last May. I just let him talk. I just consider it part of his short term memory loss. I think at this point, I'd just let it go. See a therapist to deal with your anger.
I don't understand why it is important to you for him to see her as less than he does. She is on the other side now. It is okay for him to think of her fondly. He knew her in a way that you did not.
I had a father that was not so good. To hear my mother talk you would think that he was the perfect man. That is okay. It doesn't harm me for her to think well of him. Being a father just wasn't something he was good at. Maybe he was better at being a husband.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It made me sad that your father rejoices in the breakup of your marriage. It reminds me of when I got here. My marriage of 13 years had ended and I had left everything I owned except my computer and rabbits. It felt like a knife when my mother said that it was God that had done it so I could come home and take care of them. Extreme self interest.
Now a big question is if there is any way your husband and you can patch things up or is that over. What in the world happened? It is a long time to invest in a relationship just to see it lost like that. My heart really hurts for you. I have a feeling that it is a lot like how I felt multiplied by 3. I find myself hoping there is some kind of life to put together again out there when all of this is done.
Was your mother simply not a saint the way none of us are saints, or was it more than that? Was she abusive? Narcissistic? Did she contribute to your marriage problems? Hearing Dad praise her constantly must really be an irritant to you.
Keep seeing this therapist if you think she is helping. Take her more seriously than you take us, since she presumably knows more of the story.
Why is your father's denial about the less-saintly aspects of your mother a problem for you? What if you just say, 'I know you loved her a lot, Dad. I loved her too"? Why do you have to clash over this?
If you want someone you can unburden your complaints about Mom to, I don't think it should be your dad. Maybe a counselor? Maybe just vent to us here? If caregiving broke up you marriage I can understand that you are angry over that. You deserve help dealing with that.
My dad did this concerning my step-mom who died last May. I just let him talk. I just consider it part of his short term memory loss. I think at this point, I'd just let it go. See a therapist to deal with your anger.
Take care and keep in touch.
I had a father that was not so good. To hear my mother talk you would think that he was the perfect man. That is okay. It doesn't harm me for her to think well of him. Being a father just wasn't something he was good at. Maybe he was better at being a husband.