He was found walking aimlessly down the road close by. He was admitted on Monday and refuses to stay. The sister has asked for stronger 'anxiety' medication and decided by herself to give him a pill from another patient, which I find disturbing. Our doctor phoned them this morning and gave a script for same or similar after the sister asked for it. I feel they are there to deal with these issues and should by now already have the experience in knowing how to handle patients who resist. I was shocked to hear that he could have slipped out and would have thought that they have the elderly monitored to an extent. They told us that men are more difficult than the women.
It is very difficult for us and we don't want him back possibly worse than when he went in, if they say they cant keep him. We are worried. Any similar experiences?
We spend hours there. It is the law, they are not a huge profit industry, as Pam has said.
I took issue with the manager in charge and she promised a meeting with the nursing sister (RN) who had been practicing for 40 years. I also took issue about the other patients meds. They asked us to stay away for a few days but I will still have a chat with them when I go there.
My sister and I are just concerned that they might give up on him and he returns back home worse than he was.
My dad's dementia boils down to , minimal conversation, behaving normal, except at night when he is restless and the fridge must be locked, he 'floats out' at times, but is as often 'present'. He is passive aggressive and refuses to eat when he is angry with my sister if she went out for 2hours. he cant remember his grandchildren and says he has seen them before. He hates being alone.
But he had my sister, her live-in student son, the house help, myself and the part-time nurse run around for him. It just became too much.
It sounds like you and your dad have really been through a lot.
Your issues from the start do remind me of my experience when I initially placed my cousin in regular Assisted Living. There was always some kind of issue. They smaller the issue, the bigger deal they made of it. With huge issues like falls, they zipped up. They were super nice and had a great reputation, but it was not the right place for my cousin. They were also always too tied up to transport her to her doctor appointments, so I did that 98% of the time. They had very low frustration point and would call me almost daily to speak with her about something. It was rather ridiculous, IMO. We had a team meeting with the director and relevant staff. ( YOU might REQUEST a team meeting to make sure you are all on the same page with your dad's care. You can discuss goals, expectations and set a time to meet again and discuss matters.) Towards the end, they improved on the transport, but it was not the right fit for my cousin.
Maybe your place will make things right, but just to be on the safe side, I would go visit some other places so you have a backup if you should need a place to transfer your dad quickly. I did that and boy am I glad. I visited an alternate place and within a few days, things grew more concerning with my cousin and I transferred her. I found that the issues the other place had, didn't seem to be an issue at the Memory Care Unit. It makes you wonder.
Sometimes you just have a feeling about things. If you don't feel it's right, listen to that feeling.
Then there are two other floors. If anyone ANYONE goes out, ring ring ring BLAST in everyone's ears to let the world know that someone has left. This is their security, as one time a gentlemen worked his way up the elevator, and walked right out, only to be met by the cooks, and they brought him in through the kitchen as he was a cook so he said, and he was awe inspired that they thought enough of him to give him a tour of the cooking facility. They said "we knew you had an interest and wanted to make sure you knew, were your great food was coming from". It is all about redirecting, having the best of the people at the front desk. Remember Assisted living as Pam will tell you is not easy, the receptionists are paid or underpaid, and everyone has to work as a team. Yes the upper people are paid more, that is life, this is America.
Jeanne, you always give me a reason to smile. ALWAYS seenypa? In the US?
I thought my law firm of Dowe, cheetum and howe, was a great law firm!!!! HEE HEE
We all need laughs through the trauma of each day. Remember we might ask the questions what are we having for breakfast to get us out of the rut of all this horrible disease we are faced with. It brings some normality to the days of trauma all of us are faced with. We do our best, but sometimes, we pull our hair out.
Who is watching him. Be on guard and question them, they are liable without a doubt. Your fathers safety was in jeopardy.
The sister has asked for stronger 'anxiety' medication and decided by herself to give him a pill from another patient, which I find disturbing. In itself, why are family members medicating him, when he is in the legal care of others.
I would really listen to the Assisted Living Facility. They do know best, but I would really question why the heck that he slipped out.
DH
My mother would require medications to control her paranoia and depression issues. When she's off the medications, she becomes obsessed with ridiculous things. This was what she was like when I was a child, so it's really no different except she has the dementia. I'm at the end of my rope right about now.
I'm thinking 'memory care' is a new concept? I've seen a few advertisements. My doctor's mother in law is in one.
But tomorrow is another day! Blah.
At any rate, a neighbor of mine has an uncle who has lived in assisted living for years. He's starting to show signs of dementia. But he's alone, no partner, and if the community doesn't say something, he's on his own. To me, assisted living is you pay money for a downpayment to get in then live there, paying a sort of 'rent'. They cook, clean, etc., for you, offer services to shop, etc.
A nursing home, on the other hand, should be a secure locked place. When my mom was in the geriatric psyche unit while they were tweaking her drugs, the door was locked, there was a chip in the hospital bracelet that didn't allow the patients to go near that door. The front desk was AT THAT DOOR. When people wanted to come in to visit, they had to knock, the person at the desk would usually know who you were, then buzz you in. If any of the patients were near that door, you were not allowed in until an aide came and changed their course of travel.
So, I don't know if he's in assisted living or a nursing home. I'd be really angry if I were you if you expected him to be secure and this happened! You say the sister, do you mean this is a Catholic based facility?
Also, not really liking the idea of him getting medicine from another patient's stash without her knowing his reaction. Couldn't the doctor be reached that evening?
What ratio do you nomally see in your area? Here 9:1 is not at all uncommon in a secure memory care facility and much to high for people with special needs, IMHO.
My mom had been in a skilled nursing unit that absolutely could not handle dementia behaviors like fighting, wandering, etc. Mom had a psychotic outburst, was in a geriatric psych unit for 5 days, and went straight into a memory care unit that she could not "escape" from, and where they could handle dementia.
That memory care unit is not 1:1. The residents are divided up into small groups and a nurse has them in her care for her shift, with a crew of personal care assistants & orderlies. There is a psych nurse on duty during daytime hours. The nurses report to a charge nurse around the clock.
If a facility told me I had to come sit with mom due to their lack of staffing, I'd be on the phone to the state DHS hotline making a complaint. That is a sign to me of bad/cheap management trying to be stingy or greedy by taking on more patients than they can safely support. I would also be very surprised if a facility like that would train people properly to deal with dementia specifics.
The point is that you must use the information you are really experiencing to decide if the facility is worth what they charge and is really living up to job or not. Keeping dad there seems extremely risky to me and I wouldn't let him stay a day longer than absolutely necessary. I'd be lining up something else. He may or may not have transition problems - we can't know but his present behaviors are not being handled safely or correctly which is definitely not good for his safety and wellbeing.
If this place is not able to handle your granddad and is calling you to handle things, that tells me they are not equipped, regardless of what they calling themselves. I'd make sure they are what they claim. They should be listed with the state.
I would be very disturbed if they gave someone medication that was not prescribed. That is very bad on so many levels.
OR, make sure he's in the right unit. If he wanders, he needs to be in a unit where they have no access to external doors.
My mom is in a secure unit where they wear ankle bracelets and no external entries/exits. If anyone is within 3 feet of the normal doors, they won't open. When she was in the independent unit, they could go out the front door at will. An assisted unit person could too if they wanted to & had the gumption. The skilled nursing & memory care units are secured with keypads on the elevators & doors, and have no direct access to the outside. (All units have emergency doors of course, but those would trip an alarm if somebody went through them. You couldn't sneak out through one.)
But, maybe your dad needs time for the antidepressant to get into his system. Its takes a couple of weeks. There is no guarantee that it will make him stop wandering though. Also, the anti anxiety meds can make the person dizzy and at more risk of falls. I'd keep that mind too.
If they don't fix the problem and give you assurance it won't happen again, then I would look for a more secure facility. I visited one where there are very secure locks, cameras and staff. I don't see how anyone could get out of there. I hope you can find somewhere safe for him.
My cousin called me from her assisted living facility and told me she was at the mall and that I should meet her there. She then wheeled herself into the parking lot of the assisted living saying she was looking for her car to leave.(She didn't have a car there.) She later grew very agitated that day and with such delusions that she was taken to ER with a change of mental status. They thought it must be a UTI, but it wasn't.
The assisted living said they could not contain her. They are there to assist but unless they are a Secure facility, the residents are free to leave. They can encourage them to stay, but there are no locks to hold people in at the ones I am familiar with in NC.
I had to place my cousin in a Secure Memory Care facility. It was no longer safe for her to be free to leave, since she was wandering into traffic areas with no clue of the danger. That's where we went straight from the hospital. In the Secure unit, she is safe and cannot wander. She's also much calmer and is not being drugged. She takes an antidepressant, but that has made her happier and more engaged.
If he has Dementia, then I would read a lot about it. Normally, the symptoms grow worse and not better. There is no way the place can make him well. It's a progressive illness that will affect the mind and the body over time.