He is in pain as I am is caretaker and can tell when he is in pain. I want him to be on hospice, he has been in and out of the hospital for 3 weeks now, and yesterday developed olive green fluid coming out of his J tube stoma. doc told me to stop the continuous feeding and he will come to the house this am and see him. i need to put him on hospice, and have no problem contacting them except for my mother who is his first guardian. It's been a year since he has rapidly been advancing thru the stages of alzheimers. Mom, now, is not in the right state of mind, and with me being a medical assistant, i feel i should take charge and make the right decision. It stated in his will, no means of artificial devices or anything to sustain his life. My health is slowly going down hill as well, how can i take care of dad if i am not well? Does anyone agree with me......?
I am flummoxed by the idea that ANYONE would put in a feeding tube on a person with late-stage Alzheimer's. Yeah, I already know I'm going to get beat up for this post.
Please. Please! Let the poor man go. Just because "we can" doesn't mean "we should". Be strong enough to face off with your mom if that's what you need to do to get him on hospice. Let the doctor know that's what you want privately, and let him introduce it to your mom.
I'm sorry, but this is just so wrong.
Advocate on behalf of your dad. This isn't what he would want.
When you say your mother is is "guardian" do you mean she has gone through a court hearing and been appointed officially to the role of guardian, or that she is his first agent as POA?
Mom should be glad you are the healthcare proxy. That relieves her of more responsibility. It is your decision, not hers.
Call in palliative care team to talk with dad privately and then talk with you and mom. Just cause they talk with you doesn't mean you have to go thru with it and they can work with mom.
Mom is not guardian, legally, but she is the spouse and that may trump you as second on POA depending on how it is written...the attorney who drew it up should be able to explain it it to you and you could confidentially call him and ask.
I know, I let my mom boss my brother and I around like we were children in dads last days and she was exhausted and I wished I had had the guts to step in sooner. I finally did, and we got a nurse in home but dad passed in 24 hrs.
From my experience, go with your instincts and get palliative care or hospice for dad. Mom will resent you at first, but will thank you after a few days when she gets to be a loving wife in his last days vs caregiver.
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