I posted earlier about taking my dad (mild dementia) to a geriatric doctor. They found his heart rate to be extremely slow.. under 40 and made an appointment with a cardiologist which we went to today. He said he needed a pacemaker or he would possibly go into cardiac arrest within the next couple of weeks. We made an appointment for him tomorrow to get a pacemaker.
He has decided that he doesn't want it ..and said he is ready to go. I do understand his decision. His quality of life is still pretty good tho and he would feel much better with his pacemaker as he would have more energy..etc. ..but i do understand that he may not want to continue with dementia.
I'ts hard.. and I'm really sad... Basically he is going to most likely pass away in a few weeks..or maybe months of cardiac arrest.. i can't stop crying.
I'm really not sure he undertands the magnitude of it.. i hope he does..
Best wishes, ask hospice SW to assist with the difficult family members. Tell SW exactly what you want from family and that if they cannot be supportive to just leave you, dad and mom alone. You do not need their added stress.
I am so afraid my uncle is planning something...the one that called my dad. Can he legally do anything to us? Anyone know?
I just dont see how we are going to make it...how will we honor his wishes without looking like we are responsible when he dies?
One aunt is writing to mom about how easy it is to turn off a pacemaker when you want to..and that my dad will linger and have an awful death...my mom and dad were so peaceful with their decision at one time...but now i just dont know.
This all from people who have not even hardly seen or spoken to my dad in years...suddenly the seem to care..and know more then his immediate family.
I do think one of them got ahold of my sister...possibly threatened her..she will no longer communicate with me. For all i know she is now siding with them.
What a nightmare this is becomming..
You may want to ask an attorney about whether uncle could do something. You can do that on the AVVO. You should receive several responses at no charge. Remind me, does dad have a living will, and a DNR? Who holds POA? Being the POA is a difficult job when these things happen and is definitely a job for a strong person. You and Mom are doing what your dad wants, it is a difficult decision for him, and will be harder for you to carry out. Be strong together you and mom with the help of hospice will make it through.
As Glad asks, does your father have a medical power of attorney in place so that you can be responsible for medical decisions and keep the possible interfering uncle out of the picture? What do you think he might do?
If you mentioned this sometime before, I apologize; sometimes these threads get so long that it becomes really time consuming to reread all the posts.
It's so unfortunate that at this difficult time the family isn't coming together to support what your father wants. It is, after all, his life, and unless he communicates what he's feeling emotionally and physically, and someone can vicariously step into his body, it should be his decision. I respect you for honoring that.
Getting the advice of an attorney experienced in elder law is a sensible idea.
As long as dad is competent to make his own decisions I don't think there is anything anyone can do. It is his decision end of story. Unless he puts his signature on a permission form no docter will do the proceedure. If he is not competent as decided by two drs it will fall to Mom to give that permission. definitely there should be a POA for both medical and financial drawn up as they are becoming older and the obvious person would be you but that is their choice.
Be rest assured that Mom and Dad have made a decision they they are comfortable with at this time and that must be honored.
On the other hand having a pacemaker is really no big deal and is not the same as a defibrilator which would be a more serious decision because it actually shocks the heart if it stops or becomes seriously irregualr and can be life saving or should I say life extending. In the end it can not prevent death if the heart is seriously weakened.
I see no reason why having a pacemaker should make Dad's death horrible. he may go into heart failure which won't be pleasant but I would not describe it as "horrible" and there is much that can be done to keep him comfortable.
Have you considered having hospice involved in his care? Stop listening to people who do not know what they are talking about. Blessings.
She is now in a rehab facility to get some strength back before she comes home. The most amazing thing in all this is that my mother in law went from a person we did not recognize back to the woman we knew. My husband is so happy to have his mom back. It may be early and we could be overly optimistic but she was getting his jokes and making her own, recognizing family and talking about things she could not remember earlier this week. She was even laughing. This may not seem like much but she was totally out of it before the pacemaker was placed. In her situation (so far) it has been the best decision. We have no way of knowing how rehab will go but as far as her mind is concerned this will have improved her quality of life. This is a very tough decision for anyone to make and we would have respected her decision either way. You are lucky to have a parent that can still make this decision on their own. My husband and I were faced with an emergency room staff pushing us for a snap decision and we felt like if we said no we would be executing her.She has been through many hospitalizations, intubation, feeding tubes etc. and we were leary of putting her through more at 95 but she tolerated the procedure very well. You just never know.
I do want to mention that she has told us this was her last operation. No more hospitals and curative care. Our next step if something else happens will be Hospice. Good luck to anyone else who has to make this difficult decision for your loved one.