Realised this week that this is his main issues - he just cannot cope with being ill.
This week he swore blind he was really ill, wasn't sleeping etc etc. Of course, when I get there he's got a minor cold - not even that bad! Not the first time.
In the last few years, he's called ambulance many times, called his GP to his house many times. Both of which now refuses to come.
He's feigned chest pains/can't breath more than once to both me and the professionals. He argues with doctors who say they can't do any more - usually re: his knees (which at 84 aren't going to get better). (In all honestly, he's not too bad for 84).
He once had a chest infection that doctors told him about 10 times he needed to just rest. He was convinced he needed to be in hospital - they refused. Next day he "hit his head" on the cupboard and ended up in hospital (Where he wanted to be all along). 99.9% sure this was self-inflicted to get his way.
He gets into a state too because he's ill. Makes it 100x worse. He had an issue with swallowing. Doctor told him it was a stress related thing. He wouldn't listen - he always says theres no such thing as mental illness, depressions, stress etc- its all made up by people who are attention seeking. (yeh right Dad!)
Part of the problem is he's got an idea in his head that if you're ill you go to the doctor they give you a pill or something and you're cured. Simple as that! Obviously, its more complicated than that.
As he gets older I worry about how he's going to be. He has a cold now and he tells me how ill he is, how he's not got long left, and how down he is.
In all honesty, I hope he goes when his time is right and I'd hate to see him have a long period of actually being properly ill because he wouldn't cope at all. Is that awful of me?
The 10 Eden Alternative Principles
1. The three plagues of loneliness, helplessness, and boredom account for the bulk of suffering among our Elders.
2. An Elder-centred community commits to creating a human habitat where life revolves around close and continuing contact with plants, animals, and children. It is these relationships that provide the young and old alike with a pathway to a life worth living.
3. Loving companionship is the antidote to loneliness. Elders deserve easy access to human and animal companionship.
4. An Elder-centred community creates opportunity to give as well as receive care. This is the antidote to helplessness.
5. An Elder-centred community imbues daily life with variety and spontaneity by creating an environment in which unexpected and unpredictable interactions and happenings can take place. This is the antidote to boredom.
6. Meaningless activity corrodes the human spirit. The opportunity to do things that we find meaningful is essential to human health.
7. Medical treatment should be the servant of genuine human caring, never its master.
8. An Elder-centred community honours its Elders by de-emphasising top-down bureaucratic authority, seeking instead to place the maximum possible decision-making authority into the hands of the Elders or into the hands of those closest to them.
9. Creating an Elder-centred community is a never-ending process. Human growth must never be separated from human life.
10. Wise leadership is the lifeblood of any struggle against the three plagues. For it, there can be no substitute.
Okay, the cynic in me is chuckling heartily, I admit. If they manage all that lot all day every day I'll eat my hat.
But there is a point here. To do with whose side any given care provider is on.
When you are your father's primary carer, there is a problem. What he thinks he wants-and-needs necessarily comes into conflict with what you can reasonably do. The conflict creates an oppositional relationship. This is misery for both of you.
If you are just once able to plug him in to one of the better service providers, your only problem will be accepting that their understanding, expertise and principles of care are infinitely superior to your own.
But of course they are! They have training, experience, resources and vocation all on their side. The only thing you have over them is the love that comes with a blood relationship. And where is that getting your Dad, then, eh?
it's a question of horses for courses. You can't give your father what he needs no matter how much you want to.
Hes got an idea in his head that you "put someone in a home to die". Any mention of it and he'll say "if you don't want to help me I might as well die now".
I keep trying...
https://www.linc-cymru.co.uk
That doesn't mean he ought to have been admitted to hospital for treatment. If he has chronic lung disease it's going to flare up from time to time and it's not appropriate to treat it in hospital. It means he ought to be living with more support.
You can pat his hand and say poor you and let what will come to pass come to pass.
Or.
You can look on this as an operational project: source the right care home or sheltered housing; go and look at it; talk to the admissions manager; organise an assessment for your dad; take him to it as a fixed appointment and fait accompli; and essentially boss him into moving.
It doesn't matter which route you pick, but you'll be more comfortable if you plump for one or the other.
No he doesnt have lung disease at all.....