He’s a double amputee in renal failure who quit dialysis. He can’t do anything for himself, not even get into his wheelchair. He rings his bell for something every 15-20 minutes, 24/7 because he doesn’t sleep long stretches. This has been going on since February. Do we have to go to court to get medical POA or is the fact that he obviously can’t care for himself enough?
Others mention a "sister" so I am assuming she is doing the care?
It is sad, and it seems hard, but it is honest. It should be gently said without argument, and the sad truth is, if your poor sister cannot get this respite then perhaps Dad does need permanent hospice placement. So sorry you are all dealing with this.
I agree that he can't be forced to go and you're unlikely to get guardianship. But he needs to have some consideration and understand how exhausted your sister must be by now. As countrymouse said, no one can force your sister to stay with him. Can your father afford live in care for a week or so in order for your sister to get a break?
Go from there, the hospice nurses can invite him to stay for a few hours, take in a group activity?
What a sad story. I just read your profile and I would like to complement you for inquiring on your sister’s behalf. She is blessed to have a sibling who cares.
Your sister certainly has her hands full and of course needs and deserves a break.
There is respite care in the hospice program for a reason. Caregivers get burned out. Burn out is a very real and serious condition.
What exactly is your dad’s objection to not complying with her request to do respite care? This in my opinion is emotional blackmail and is cruel.
Does he have legitimate fear of respite? Can you have someone in a similar situation as your father who has perhaps used respite that would be willing to reassure him about any concerns that he may have?
This is a huge burden for your sister. Please continue to support her. Does she have any relief from caregiving at all?
Can’t your sister propose respite as a service that will be utilized because she needs it and he does not have any other choice but to accept it?
What exactly do you mean when you say that he cannot be forced? Is hospice making that statement?
You have to have your father’s consent for a medical power of attorney but that isn’t going to change anything for you. Legally he is capable of making his own choices regarding his medical care.
I sincerely hope that you will be able to resolve this issue soon.
We explained that respite is a maximum of 5 days, he agreed but then backed out once the day came.
Knowing that there is no way to “force” him to go is very frustrating.
Thank you both for your time and kind words, that does help. We’ll just have to figure something out, somehow.
I doubt if you'd be granted it. Your father is ill, he isn't able to look after himself, he's immobile, and he's dependent on other people for all his activities of daily living. But nothing among that suggests that he is not in his right mind, and that is the only basis on which guardianship can be awarded.
But neither can anyone force your sister to stay with him. I'd consult hospice about respite care for her so that she can take some proper time out - could she go and stay with a friend or another family member for the five days? If hospice can't point you in the right direction, would there be any way of funding live-in agency care?