My Dad has been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, told he needs to get his legal things in line, and he should live in a place with other people and socialize.
I've taken charge of his finances and have POA, his legal things are done, except for the medical POA. He lives alone, sits in his chair most of the day, and almost every three weeks or so calls to tell me he wants his checkbooks back, needs money to do various non-emergent things, and can't figure out why I'm the only one telling him he has memory issues.
We get into it and he starts throwing out accusations or asks things I start to explain. When he doesn't like what he hears he interrupts and then insists he lived all his life with no issues and now that he is 84 (really 85) he can't handle himself. He told me he doesn't like being treated like a vegetable. I told him if he was being treated like a vegetable he would have a feeding tube and be in a bed. Just lose my cool and then tell him details about being overdrawn, forgetting to pay bills and getting late fees, etc.
Tonight he called back and apologized for ruining my night because he ruined his too. Said maybe he is just tired of being cooped up. He has a farm, goes out and feeds the chickens, drives to eat out and now wants to go to the doctor by himself to challenge the diagnosis. Told me if he needed help he will get a lawyer.
Just wonder what flared him up this time. How do I keep my sanity when he does this type think every so many weeks?
As to how to remain sane, I'm still working on that. Mostly for me it's how not to get annoyed and stressed out. I'm waiting for some good suggestions to this answer.
I do think though that sharing the tasks and trying to help him handle his affairs himself as long as possible goes a long way toward helping him ease into being able to do less financially.
Also try to find ways to build up his self esteem in other ways - his farming ability, for example. Are there any 4-H groups in your area? Boy or Cub Scouts? Perhaps he could work with them and teach some farming skills, or animal management.
If he raises animals, maybe he could have a petting zoo day for local children, or perhaps hay rides in the fall.
You might give him a few checks "for emergencies" but that might make him feel as though he's being treated as a child.
My father still pays his bills, but I make a list of all that are due monthly, quarterly and annually, and calendar them. Then I ask him a week or so ahead of time if he's paid them. I have account numbers for those that can be paid by phone in case I have to pay them if the bills crawl away and hide someplace.
But truth be told? We will be the same if we live long enough. We'll mourn all we've lost in our lives. We'll go to sleep at night wondering if we'll wake up the next morning. When we wake in the middle of the night full of mind cobwebs, we'll be afraid...
And yet we lose patience. We say things we know we shouldn't. Attack when we should mollify. Frown when we should smile. It's so d*mned hard.
Isn't it?
Sounds like he is getting everything in order, and he wants to move to a retirement place where he will be with other people. Ask him if he is ready to do that, and if so, start looking together for a place that he will enjoy.