Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Lots of good advice here.  I'd suggest you decide in your own mind, and communicate this as well as  you can to Dad, that you will NOT DO ANYTHING to make his wish to go home happen, nor will you assist him in any way if he did manage to go home. NADA!  Sounds brutal, but in his case, going home is ridiculous and certainly not in his best interest. I believe it is kindest to just shut it down, rather than temporize.  But in case of dementia, then making up excuses might work.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

PEOPLE, IF YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY, WHETHER IT IS YOUR PARENTS OR GRANDPARENTS, DONT PUT THEM IN NURSING HOMES OR ASSISTED LIVING FACILITIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THOSE PLACES ARE A FRAUD. THEY WILL JUST TAKE YOUR MONEY OR YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY MONEY. KEEP THEM AT HOME AND HIRE SOME HELP AT HOME. IF THEY ARE TELLING YOU THEY DONT WANT TO STAY IN THOSE HORROR HOUSE PLACES LISTEN TO THEM. I LOST MY GRANDMOM IN THE BRONX, AT A NURSING HOME DUE TO NEGLECT. THEY WANTED TO MAKE ME BELIEVE THAT THEY WERE INTERESTED IN HELPING HERE. BULL...I HAD TO CLEAN HER EVERY DAY BECAUSE THEY DID NOT WANT TO DO IT. THEY DID NOT EVEN GIVE HER THE MEDICINES AND PUT HER IN A COLD ROOM UNTIL SHE GOT PNEUMONIA AND DIED. THOSE PLACES KNOW HOW TO PROTECT THEMSELVES AND THEY USE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AGE TO ARGUE THAT THEY WERE OLD ANYWAY AND WERE GOING TO DIE. THEY DONT GIVE PEANUTS ABOUT PEOPLE. THEY ARE RUTHLESS INSENSITIVE ANIMALS. THEY MAKE FRIENDS WITH POLITICIANS SO THAT THEY WILL HAVE A WAY TO GET OUT OF A LAWSUIT. PROTECT YOUR FAMILY, PROTECT YOUR PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS. DONT GIVE YOUR MONEY TO THESE DISGUSTING PLACES. KEEP YOUR FAMILY PROTECTED AT HOME. GET SOMEOONE TO HELP YOU. INSURANCE COMPANIES OFFER LONG TERM CARE FOR PERSONS WITH CHRONIC DISEASES. KEEP THEM AT HOME PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
rovana Oct 2019
From what the poster says Dad is doing better medically at this facility than he did at home!  Not surprising really - regular meals are a big deal to maintain health.  Dad wants to go home - but he cannot take care of himself! Is he financially able to hire round-the-clock aides? Few people are. So what would his actual situation be?  Alone in his house? And is it reasonable to expect OP to try to do lifting of an adult who is dead weight? I think not. 
The thing here is this: needs are one thing, preferences are another. Sounds like Dad's needs are being met in this facility. Preferences? ONLY if it works for EVERYONE who would be helping.  It is simply a matter of common sense and fairness.  Fact is Dad's health is in decline - of course he wishes he could go back to the pre-decline past, but there is no time-machine.  And the caregivers are just as much entitled to their lives as Dad is!  And that is the real issue as far as I'm concerned. None of us have the "right" to devour another's life.  And what parent, thinking clearly, would wish to?
(4)
Report
See 2 more replies
Robert - Do NOT yell. It makes you look unhinged.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

sallyb13,
You are in a difficult place. It is emotionally upsetting to not be able to do all we want to for our parents. He lives in an assisted living facility, does he still have a house he owns? Let him know you love him and you are more than happy to do whatever you can within your means to make him comfortable. Love him, visit him and keep the thought that you are doing what is best for him. He sounds medically complex. Unless you have the means to hire appropriate care, it sounds unsafe to take him home. That may not make him super happy but that is OK because you know he is safe. Maybe he would like company for dinner or ride in his chair around the grounds. Play cards and visit as often as you can. Do the best you can to make him comfortable. The results of that will be much better than taking him home to live alone. He may not even realize he cannot take care of himself. Hugs and strength.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

First off, UTI is infection in the bladder and can easily reach the kidneys. Kidney infections are life threatening! The idea of living alone is not an option and 5-6 caregivers every day would be too expensive for a wealthy person.

With that said, give him options for what he can do. PT (physical therapy) doesn't stop when the perceived baseline is reached, he can and should continue to exercise his ability to care for his self. Make sure he does everything he can for his self even pouring is own drink, cutting his meat so small to not choke. (Safely) Change his own clothes, brush his teeth, shaving (and cleaning the sink up) get in and out of the bathroom....... these everyday challenges we take for granted are impossible after loss of these functions. Give him things to occupy him and help with moving.... even a checker board takes control of hand, thinking and socializing. Get out of his room and make friends!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter