I have a father with early onset Alzheimer's whose attitude and rudeness is becoming intolerable. He treats my brother poorly and it even came to the point where child protective services came. We cannot receive much help because he does not qualify for medical insurance and we do not make enough to pay out of pocket. I know there is other resources I can use like low cost hospitals where they can assist me in finding a skilled nursing facility, but my mother does not want to do it. She is still in denial about her husband having dementia and worse yet would rather take care of him till she gets physically and mentally tired of it, even if it means receiving little to no help. How can I her twenty one year old daughter convince her that this is not right?
One thing about insurance. Now people must be accepted for insurance even with a pre-existing condition. If you dad can no longer work, your parents may qualify for a subsidy. If you mom is too upset to look into this, see if you can help or a friend of your parents. I'm not saying it will be free, but likely there will be some help.
Good luck,
Carol
You're looking at it from the perspective of an adult child. But this is your mom's husband, her partner, and the father of her children. From what you wrote she is very devoted to him.
As time goes on your dad will get worse and your mom may be more amenable to listening to your point of view but until that time comes just try to be supportive of her and help out when you can. That's about all you can do right now.
The next thing is the hardest, do not alienate your mother. Take her to a restaurant for brunch, out to tea, shopping etc. Do not bring up your Dad, just give her time off until she asks for help. She might never ask, but at least will see you as an ally.
Talk with your brother about flying below your Dad's radar. This is a skill he will need in many other situations in life.
Your mother may or may not come out of denial and realize something needs to be done. It may come to the point to where you and your brother will have to be more demanding and aggressive in getting done what needs to be done. You've received some good advise from others here....take it as it comes and be supportive of your mother and family. Prep yourself for a bumpy ride. You'll probably in the future have to take-on roles and do things that you never imagined. Just know, that's not unusual. You can vent here.
May peace find you, your father, mother and family.
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