My Dad is 86yrs.old.I love him dearly. He and I have always been close since my Mom passed when I was thirteen and I am an only child.I already had to come to the rescue once about 8yrs, ago because although his mortgage was paid off many years prior he stopped paying his property tax and owed $50.000.00 in property taxes! Technically the house wasn't even his anymore,We almost lost it but with the help of a friend we were able to refinance and I am now helping him every month pay a 30 yr.fixed mortgage on a house that had already been paid off .I used my savings to refinance with the help of a close family friend.My name has now been put on the deed to the house along with my Fathers at our attorneys suggestion.In the last few years my Father has begun to drink way too much.In fact I believe him to be an alcoholic.He has purchased credit cards that I had to fix after they went into collections and every month is a fight to get him to sit down with me to pay the bills.He has hidden bills from me and let them go for two or three months causing me to have to pay double or triple when I find out about it.I am not some daughter trying to take advantage of my Dad.I would never put him in a nursing home,I will care for him until the day he passes, I feel like I have lost my best friend.:( Every time I try to straighten out his finances he just pulls another stunt,We argue the first of every month and he often gets drunk and gets in his old car and takes of and leaves me to worry if he is gonna hurt himself or someone else or end up in jail on a dui charge, He just doesn't care,Whenever I bring up a money issue or a bill that needs to be paid he gets very angry and defensive and storms off like a 19 yr.old boy who is having a tantrum. He just doesn't wanna hear it.He is usually drinking and says mean things to me,He was not like this when he was younger.I am afraid he is not mentally capable of understanding the seriousness of the situation he is causing.Either because of his age or the drinking or both.It is not always an elderly person who is being taken advantage of.Some of us love our parents dearly and just wanna make sure things are taken care of,He stopped paying his life insurance two yrs,ago almost.I found out and had to call the VA because he is a veteran and see if they would cover the costs of his funeral services,It was the hardest call I ever had to make,Calling his VA worker and telling her I was worried because he had no insurance .I broke down in tears.No child who loves their parent wants to have this conversation but it is a necessary part of life,When he passes,the house reverts to me,will be in my name.All I want is for my Dad to have the beautiful services he deserves someday and not to be stuck in mounds of debt after he passes.I want no other material things from him.As it is I will be paying a mortgage until I am 90 something on a house that was paid off years ago because my Dad chose to hide things from me and just throw his hands up in the air and say,"to hell with it all:! " He flatly refuses to turn over the finances to me. He is constantly in overdraft status with his checking account and my name was on it but I think he took it off,He is very spiteful and angry and mean when he drinks.It makes me so sad.I do not want to force the issue in court but I see no other alternative. He has said flatly that he is gonna do what he wants and to h*ll with me and his grandchild. I want nothing more than not for us to be homeless.I am perfectly capable of taking over the mortgage when he is gone but not with ten liens on the house! Someone please help me,,,,I am so worried all the time,scared for him,myself,and his grandaughter. But he will not budge.He refuses to let me take over just paying the bills.And that is all I want to do.I dont want his money. I pay my share also.I have to.Without me he couldn;t pay the mortgage or the bills himself. I pay for all of our food, household items, I had a new roof put on the house and remodeled the whole upstairs out of my pocket.What do I do? I don't want my Dad to hate or resent me but I have to set things right. He never will. He will continue to accumulate more debt without a care for how it affects me in the future. I jst want to be safe and secure, that is all............:(
And whenever someone else's behavior is driving us crazy it's up to us to deal with it, not to expect that person to change their behavior. You can't talk your dad into being responsible. You can't talk him into being accountable or acting like a grown-up. But you can change how you react to it.
Best of luck. You have to keep yourself and the grand daughter safe.