She still lives on own, drives, cancels dr. Apps. She has no short term memory and several of her friends have called us about her. She refuses to let someone move in with her or forgets conversation when she has finally agreed to it. We called her dr. To schedule an appt. but she cancelled it when we told her we were going with her. We are afraid she is going to hurt herself or someone else while driving.
Often you have to look for openings to introduce help. Maybe you can start talking to her about what the advantages of assisted living would be -- meals cooked for her, help keeping her apartment clean, not having to maintain property or pay property tax. She may warm up to the idea of living in such a place when she notices her abilities are slipping.
We are legally limited in what we can do. Unless they are deemed mentally incompetent, we can't make them do anything they don't want to. What we can do is look for opportunities to make the changes. They will come.
Driving is something that needs to be seriously considered. I know some older people who should not be driving. They are a danger to everyone around them. If you notice scratches and dents on your mother's car, you'll know she is not driving very well. Her friends have let you know her driving is poor. What you can do is contact the DMV in her county and talk to them about it. This is a very difficult situation, since not driving means loss of much independence. She needs to have something in place that will replace the loss. She will need to have a way to get around when she needs to. Are you or other family members available? You can cushion the blow. If she is not driving well, you do need to see she gets off the road. I don't envy you this task. I hope other group members will let you know how they handled it. I am fortunate because I didn't have to go through it. My mother never drove and my father stopped voluntarily before he became dangerous.