My mom has always been the type of person who never has an ordinary cold, but is at death's door, is hypersensitive to every ache and pain, and has acknowledged psychosomatic behavior in the past.... And seemed genuinely happy to just give up on everything once she was diagnosed with hep C, and let the rest of the world take care of her. So, now I am her caretaker and I'm never really sure how sick she really is. Every day she wakes with a list of minor aches/pains/dry skin/etc that she tells me about in detail. However, it's nearly the same thing every day, and I tell her, yes, of course you have this ache/your tummy's upset/whatever - you have hepatitis c! (and I haven't been able to get her to visit a doctor in about 2 years!!) She's physically quite able when she decides to be, can walk up and down the hill to the mailbox, make her own bed, load and unload the dishwasher, but if it's something she doesn't want to do, she is just too sick. With all the complaining about little things, I don't know how well or ill she REALLY is, and I don't tend to react with much sensitivity to her complaints anymore. Also, she washes her hands so much, she's starting to get sore spots (which she asks me if it's ringworm. sigh.) And, finally (and this probably deserves another post) she never, ever stops talking or respects my own personal/mental space.
Jeezy Peezy! Annoying!
The mother's care may be beyond the daughter's ability to provide, so an alternative living situation may be indicated. Support groups may be able to help the daughter find the resources that can help her explore options.
It is sad to think this daughter has to give up her life for her mother, as a nurse I have seen this often, in home health work. It takes courage and a lot of support to stand up for yourself, but this daughter deserves to be respected and to have the freedom to pursue her own life. It will take courage and a great deal of support for the daughter to face her mother and make the changes that appear to be indicated.