My 85 year old mother had a minor heart attack due to COPD complications. She is refusing to allow others to cook meals for her. She lives alone. She eats well for breakfast and lunch, but generally has very little at dinner. She is Five Foot 3 inches tall and weighs only 103 pounds. She is still very weak and tired from the heart attack but does not want anyone to help her.
She doesn't have a reason to get into the kitchen except for fixing small, survival meals. Remind her of those stick-to-your-ribs dinners she used to make. Tell her how much you miss them. If she says it's a lot of work, tell her you and ______ (outsider) can give her a hand.
Another option is for you to start making those dishes and ask her to supervise to make sure they taste "just right." Fumble and bumble a tad to give the appearance of helplessness. Working as a team might help relieve some of her depression.
she'll say " this is really delicious , got any more ? " .
my point is ;
it isnt delicious .
its sugar , shaved beef , with more sugar ..
the drive thru could have a sugar bag and a tablespoon an it'd be the same thing ..
you people arent putting up one bit of resistance tonight .
im gonna go see my aunt , at least she acts appalled by my antics . she isnt , she just knows how to goad me on ..
Tactfully, advise well meaning food givers as you're able, that is not necessary at this point to bring food. What's the best way to do this?
I would not want to offend the good intentions of the people who are caring enough to make such an effort. Much less to see that labor of love tossed in the garbage
Fib if you have to regarding mom's diet .... you do not want to burn bridges.
And tell mom that you will be taking care of the food. For her not to toss it, but just leave it to you.................
I know that there comes a time when reasoning is a thing of the past. Out of sight, for your mom is a good thing that will not make her anxious.
Hang tight, and enjoy the meals at your home yourself while they keep coming.
M88
When the cleaning day comes, it will be easy to get to the surfaces that need wiping down.
Get rid of papers that are trash immediately. Don't let the pile get a mile high of unmanageable papers.
Separate the important stuff right away. Use a special drawer for unpaid bills.
This paperwork "management" helps us all at any age.
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Keep your area tidy, it will make you feel better about the appearance of the house.
Poor vision, poor lighting contribute to an untidy area.
Little steps on a daily basis will be an attainable goal.
Many elderly resent someone touching their belongings, etc. Many cannot see well enough to tell things need to be cleaned. Sigh!
Anyway, keeping moving or we will rust...haha!!! M88
I noticed that with my Mom, she became very miffed whenever a female physical therapist, nurse, or caregiver came to the house to help my Dad. It was how dare another woman use her stove, go through the cabinets, look in the refrigerator and prepare a meal for my Dad [even if the caregiver was also serving the same meal to my Mom]. My Mom even took the dish away from my Dad and dumped out the food.... oops.
Thanks for mentioning, "Vitamin deficiencies (especially B12) can affect taste buds, and cause losses in smelling and taste." I didn't know that, and think it might be affecting my sense of taste. Will learn more about it.
On the other hand, I can relate to parents not wanting outsiders in their home. My father fired the housekeeper I was paying for. Not that he cleans better, he just didn't like having someone in the house. It made him uncomfortable. He refuses home help with my mother too. He's 84 and she will be 86. They are both stubborn. The biggest issue would be my mother. She's now getting into that suspicious phase of Alz. She always worried about women going after my father but now it's ridiculous. It doesn't matter if the woman is 25 or 80, my mother thinks they ALL want to take my father away from her, then accuses my father, the other person etc. SMH. My poor dad can't even run to the store for 30 min w/o her thinking he's "run off" to be with someone. So she was not happy about the cleaning lady. Same would happen with any home aid too. I don't recall anyone talking about this. How does one handle this kind of situation?