When wife and I got married, she graciously let us live with her while we saved for a place of our own. about 2 years ago she decides she can no longer afford the upkeep and mortgage payment, so she offers us the house. After carefully thinking about it, we humbly take the offer. the paperwork is finalized, and it is officially our home. She is 70, so it is decorated in the "old lady" style. Now that we plan to decorate it our way, improve certain areas, she gets in the way and makes it known that she is not happy. Makes us feel so uncomfortable making any changes or decorating a certain way. We feel like we are renting even though we are paying all the bills. She thrives on having control of situations and people. But if she was gonna be this way, she should have told us this from the beginning, and we never would have accepted to take over the house. Feeling ripped off. How do we deal with this?
The woman isn't happy seeing her home transformed before her very eyes. Did you expect her to like it?
Since you own it, you can sell it. Find alternative accommodation for MIL, and you and your wife move on. If you're already feeling like this after only a couple of years I really do recommend you do that anyway. Things are not going to get better.
Guestshopadmin- our names are on everything. All the paperwork is in our name now.
Nydaughterinlaw/rainmom- I can see where both of you are coming from. I talked to my wife yesterday and we decide to start including her with the little decisions. For example, the tile flooring in the living room has bubbled up and a lot of it is now cracked. She wants us to find similar tiles, but the current ones are very 80's and we have not found anything similar. So we decide to install nice hardwood flooring. We're gonna bring home samples, and ask which one she likes best. But we're only bringing home samples that we like, so regardless of which one she picks, it will work out our way. I think we're gonna have make her think that she still has control. Thank you both very much for the advise. Now the kitchen is a different story.
My parents offered to sell us the "family home" many years ago. The home my daddy built and I did want it. HOWEVER, one enormous stipulation: I was not going to be allowed to make ANY changes. Seriously? We could have had a house twice the size of our current one (and with 5 kids, that would have been great!) but I wasn't allowed to PAINT? Change the nasty 30 yo carpet? We declined. I wasn't ready for the drama.
You may have gotten a great house at a great price, but you are paying a great price. You are really going to have to tiptoe around this. Esp if Mom is still living there. I imagine, in her eyes, she now has it both ways: Her lovely home, decorated in her style and no "money worries" AND two young, healthy people to take care of her. Perfect. I think some people have given you great advice and I wish you good luck.
Seriously, think ahead. Are you and your wife talking to each other (leave MIL for later!) about MIL's future care?
If I was able to buy their house my mom knows the first thing I would do is heave-ho the roses. I say to you...decorate any way you want. It's your house and you shouldn't have to wait decades to enjoy it.
Angel
I think you're putting the cart (decorating) before the horse (decluttering) and I've been down that road with my inlaws when we moved them into independent living. Everything had a memory...they wanted all their stuff...they freaked out when I recycled magazines from 10 years ago that were still in the plastic wrap. Would you like to guess how many soy sauce packets I found in their kitchen drawers? But we had to push through and get them ready to move because they could no longer live alone. So to echo Countrymouse - what are you and your wife going to do about MIL's future care?
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