my husband is only sibling in area where mom (with Alzheimers) and dad 93 (in assisted lives) and deals with them daily....dad calls at least 2 times a day about his remote control or thermostat or visiting his wife (30 Minute drive away). I believe my husband is at his end of his rope...how can I help him
I'd discuss it with the staff so that his dad is not allowed to do that. If he has an emergency, the staff can call your husband. And if dad needs help with remote, the staff can assist him.
If dad continues to ask about visits to his wife, I'd determine if he is forgetting what plans have been made or if he is just anxious to get there. If he's forgetting, it's not likely any daily reminders will help. Perhaps mark it on a calendar in his room with big letters. But, if it's memory, he may forget to look at the calendar. I'd just have the staff to remind him that the visit is soon and leave it at that. Twice daily reminders won't help either if he's forgetting.
To help your hubby, if Dad calls the house you take the call and tell Dad you will call "maintenance" to come help Dad with whatever needs fixing. Have on hand that telephone number. Eventually you will get on a first name basis with them :)
As for visiting Mom, set aside a certain day of the week to go over to see her, so that Dad can be picked up so he can visit. Unless the visits are difficult for Dad and/or Mom. It can't be easy being away from one's spouse.
I know my Dad wished my Mom was back at home but he realized he didn't want to see her in that condition 24/7.... once a day for a hour was enough on his emotions. His caregiver would drive him there around lunch time, so that the caregiver could help feed my Mom.
We needed to say, repeatwdlu, to mom, "talk to the staff". At the beginning, we needed to call the facility.