My mother is horrible. She has always been mean, mean to me and controlling when I was small, always sarcastic and manipulative. I found out later that when i was litte I always thought my father was really mean because he always said "No" to whatever it was I wanted! Well, I came to learn how she manipulated him to say "No" to me, and threatened him if he said "yes" but came to me and said stuff.."you know I would, honey, but your father said "No" I cant help it",,, She also would get mad at me and throw my dollies and stuffed toys out the car window (I was four) if i cried about something and say, do you want to stop crying or see another one of your babies go out the window??" My father died and I am only child, she moved in with me! Now, I put up with mean insults on a daily basis and she is now 92! Shes not senile, just mean..very mean...I would think that she/I could reconcile some of the stuff, but no, she keeps on going, along with insulting my teens...help!!! My teens are ADHD and we have major issues, school, work etc Sometimes its too much for me to take. I get no help from my 16 year old and 18 year old who hate her. I am lonely, frustrated and cant do anything right in her opinion or the kids opinion, although i have always been home with them, took good care of them. I try to take good care of her, she always has meals cooked; although they are always "slop" mostly or yesterday she told me only "poor people eat pasta"...my hubby is away 3 days a week working..I am here with these monsters. Thats how I feel, a bunch of entitled self centered people who demand every moment. And contribute nothing...any helpful suggestions, i am sad...very sad...
She is the most finicky, pernickety person I have ever met in my life!
Before you snap and do something regrettable, forget about Mom's age and make it clear her abusive behavior won't be tolerated any longer. If she tries emotional blackmail, tell her to get off the Cross. ... Someone else needs the wood.
About 5 years ago I was referred to a counselor who specialized in helping persons cope with a BPD person (borderline personality disorder). One of the things I learned in sessions and from books referred to me was that Borderlines often start up an argument because the high stress of it is stimulating and soothing to them; the more the other person reacts the happier the BPD person feels. This goes beyond being bored and seeking attention, believe me. Knowing this and piecing together some things mentioned to me by family members made it make a lot of sense. Take a look at the book "Stop walking on eggshells." This may make some sense of the "meanness."
Good Luck!
Good luck.
I would look into getting some counseling not only for you but your kids as well. But make sure you take of you too. We as caregivers need to remember that we cannot help anyone if we don't help ourselves. Check to see if she qualifies for extra help with your area Agency of Aging and Disabilities. They also have tons of resources that are Government funded for the caregiver as well as the client. Mom's income level qualifies us for 20 hours of homecare aides for baths, light housekeeping, or just sitting with her so I can get out. There are tons of resources in your area that you might be able to benefit from. Good luck and God Bless.
It is bad enough that our capitalistic system sees little or no value in the disabled or elderly. Families need not join in.
However, the elderly parent will not be around much longer. Come up with a plan that helps everyone involved. If you haven't been able to have a healthy relationship with your parent accept that it is unlikely that pattern will change.
We all accept what we can and can't change.