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Dad has fecal incontinence but refuses to shower, will sit in dirty clothes for a week. Have tried cajoling, reasoning, begging, pleading to no avail. Help!!

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vetted1122, your profile states that you and your brother are helping your parents to live at home. Your father is 89 years old.

What is their living situation? What is your mother's health? How often do you and your brother go over there (and what is "there" - house, apartment?) to help?
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PUt in front of him clean clothes.

Put to the side of him, Oxy Clean, Spray n Wash, and Tide for his clothes.

Give him adult diapers Depends or Abri Forms.

Give him a few packages of baby wipes.

Give him a laundry bag and basket.

He is embarrassed to ask his kids for help. Tell him if he doesn't, ZIPPYZEE may have the correct resources and call Adult Protection Agency. If he cannot help himself or ask for help, then he may not have a choice.

Get him to a doctor. He may have UTI, AND/OR BEDSORES BY NOW.
It doesn't take long for those things to fester into something bad.. And it takes a heck of lot longer to heal them. THIS IS SOME SERIOUS SH.T
And if you are thinking you may be smelling something.. it could be a pressure sore = bedsore. When they get to STAGE 4...THEY SMELL SOMETHING AWEFUL. trust me on that one..

Nothing to be sitting around on. Get him in.
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Leave him to his own devices for a week or so then call APS
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Talk to his doctor and have him evaluated for Palliative care and or hospice. HE CAN OCCUR PRESSURE SORES.. WHICH CAN LEAD TO THINGS WORSE THAN EMBARRASSMENT.

Calmospetin, A & D OINTMENT. BABY WIPES. Don't know how old he is, but he does not want to bring awareness to these embarrassing issues.

Has he had his colonoscopy in the last 6 years? Or anything?
So, he cannot make to the the restroom on time.. I get it. Your dad is old enough to have these issues, yet young enough to be shy about it...

Get his clean clothes ready...Run a tub, or shower..Does he have shower or grab bars installed in his bathroom? Does he have a shower chair, where he can sit, and spray in his netherregions.. to get himself clean. Do you have a caretaker? Does he trust anyone?

He is 89... gosh... he should be living with someone... you, brother? caretaker? self conscience... he needs a caretaker to come in... call doctor to have him evaluated for palliative care or hospice.. Hospice is NOT A DEATH SENTENCE. They evaluate, and re-evaluate. and decide..
POOP incontinence... why... you should ask doctor why...
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