Anyone else had a decline in health with caregiving?

It should not bankrupt you, because she is the one who pays for the facility. When her funds are gone, Medicaid pays the rest. If she is the widow of a wartime veteran, she could get help from the VA.

For me, pretty consistent is taking care of myself. It doesn't seem to matter if it is is as an entrepreneur, working for others, care taking, going back to school, etc...I have ups and downs in health. It is hard to believe at my worst, I was overweight, lying in bed, having had a stent and subsequently a pacemaker. I was scheduled for a heart operation. I went skiing instead. My come back was getting to a fresh spring water source in the mountains, eating organic, high fiber, quality protein and a lot of vegetables and water, adequate walking, exercising and a sport that kept me engaged. Now, when I can't go to the mountains it is still inside of me and gives me strength. I was going downhill health wise caretaking when conscience thought brought me back to all those healthy things even in close quarters, taking care of my Mom. I move around and dance in front of the TV, Everyday I have a salad with lots of veggies, others: avacado on whole grain bread, protein spread out during the day and keeping a good supply of fresh spring water. Visualize an island, the ocean or in my case the mountain tops, skiing above the clouds. I don't have to be there. I want to be with my Mom, taking care of her, that is my highest calling. God willing and I have to be willing to get and stay healthy. Also, to teach skiing I had to lift a 50 lb weight. That helped me when I came back home to care take my Mother. I work out with a suitcase filled with heavy objects. I keep it handy at home. Start where you have to. Carry something of weight as you move about. You don't have to go to a gym. It helps to have a car with a heated seat. .I am some pills, vitamins and oxygen at night. I feel better than I did 30 years ago. Did you get a blood screen? I get a blood screen once or twice a year.

Dana, same here perfect health for my age [senior citizen] then for me stress took a major toll... I wasn't hands on per say, I was running errands, taking my very aged parents to endless doctor appointments, groceries, etc. Plus I was working full-time. My Mom refused caregivers and cleaning crews. Dad was falling every other week. They lived under their own roof and I under mine. Every time the telephone ran I went into sheer panic. Had a ton of sleepless nights due to worrying about my parents who were in their mid to late 90's.

I use to be a gym rat prior to the caregiving, and now to look at me one would never believe it. All that hard work down the drain. During the 7 years of helping my parent I developed breast cancer, no markers, so the doctor said it was stress related, that in itself was a terrifying ordeal. Not long ago I fell and broke my shoulder, was out of commission for months, as we ourselves age we don't heal as quickly.

The stress of everything caused me to have a few break downs. I was an only child with no grown children... no one to pass the baton unto. Eventually I took the advice of my primary doctor and got help for myself. I am doing better.

I cared for my mom in the mid-80's at home I was in my late 20's, she had cancer and was 90% bedridden, Then I was younger, stronger, healthier, but I did put my needs on the back burner. I let go of my dentist appoints and now I've had to have all my teeth removed

Want to ad to my answer above that I left out all the stress, frustration and pain because that isn't a reason to think what else do you expect than for a caregiver to fall apart. I talk to God, my Mother telling her that I love her,my cat and a friend or two and have been writing and learning on this site. I have lots of pressure and problems. It could all be worse if I was not putting that all in perspective of how can we best serve the Lord. Biblically, know that our bodies are temples of the Lord. Just now, take a break. balance on your right and then your left foot or something you can handle for 10 seconds. This is what I do. We need to share what we do to stay healthy.

Sorry, I entered by mistake b4 finishing my post. What I wanted to say is caring for my mother is something I am not sorry that I did however my regrets are that I did not "make" time to care about my own needs. And by own needs I mean going to the dentist/doctor, being more verbal about asking for help from others, taking breaks for myself to manage stress. All that is easier said than done. Now that I'm older and find myself in the caregiver position with my husband it has been an uphill battle all the way. He had to go to one of many ER hospital visits and a very nice social worker pulled me aside and talked very kindly and straight to me. She told me that I could not keep doing this all by myself and told me that a high percentage of caregivers die before the one that is sick. She went on to tell me I was displaying a lot of the symptoms in short I guess burn-out. Which is all very true. Things got a lot worse for both of us before getting better. I had to call a mental health crisis line for myself and two wonderful ladies came and talked to me and gave me info on how to issue a mental/health warrant for my husband in order to get him care. Otherwise he would have died. Fortunately for me he came around enough to agree to go to the hospital but what he does not know is he came within a couple of hours of having police to take him w/o his agreeing to it. The stress of that alone was monumental. I am thankful I was talking/working w some really good doctors and psychiatrist to helped facilitate his move from hospital, to a week in mental ward at hospital and then from there to the nursing home. I highly recommend looking into the matter of getting your parent to go to a nursing home. Let's face it nobody wants to a nursing home. And yes, there are still some bad homes out there, but don't give up, there really are some places that are very good. Consider some what if's. What if you the caregiver find yourself incapacitated by sickness/mental/financial or whatever, what would happen with your parent? Another issue is there are many people that end up with asognosia, which is a fancy medical term for someone that cannot sense the fact that they are really that sick. Sounds like that may be the case with your parent. The gravity of caregiving is far reaching. There so much to consider my prayer is that God will help you and your parent(s) and work all these things out. Sorry so long

Thanks to everyone who replied. It could be worse - at least I have a part time job and that is my saving grace because it gives me some time away. Horrible to think like that, but I resent that my life is really over. She's been in nursing homes before, for rehab and for respite, and she hated it. Except for when I was out of town, I had to go there every day for hours, bring her things, and listen to her complain. She raised me and helped me raise my daughter, so I do owe this to her. I just have to accept that my life is pretty much over. After caregiving is over, then the grieving, and there will just not be much of me left over.

I should get in touch with an elder law attorney who can arrange placement for her if I go first. Because I am not going to allow my daughter to become a caregiver, I actually hope I get cancer, and I will not treat it, except for pain relief - I'll let it progress and then move to Oregon. As a caregiver, I have given up on happiness, and only hope for some peace. Sorry for venting. Others have it so much worse.

It is so hard to set boundaries for ourselves, especially when we feel there is no support. I now make a point of asking for help directing and, if my siblings don't step up to the plate, I will look elsewhere. Some of them think that because my Dad gives me some money to cover costs that I am now getting 'paid'. What a joke. If my parents were to hire someone it would cost them four or five times the amount. At times I feel guilty for the funds but then remember that there are siblings who are usually missing in action or in denial as to what is happening.

I was as a point of a nervous breakdown nearly two years ago but have vowed to take a step back and look after myself. I arrange for my parents to have meals prepared and keep track of the many medical visits and accompany them to the doctors. I mentioned in another post that my out of town sibling came to stay with my parents over the holidays and it was a real eye opener to her. She got a little taste of what I live with.

My health did suffer, but not quite as badly as it might have done. I did not care for my mother out of obligation, but out of love. Sometimes it was so hard and, yes, I did let some things go. I gained weight, got out of shape. Luckily, I kept taking most of my supplements, found support groups, called the Alzheimer Associations 800 number when I needed to, beamed when my mother smiled. I haven't seen a dentist for over a decade but I brush and use perio-brite (from the health food store). I learned how to care for myself and forgive myself while caregiving.

But if you are doing this without getting help you are doomed. Always connect with your local Area Agency on Aging. A good case manager can be a lifesaver.

My dad passed away six months ago and the last few weeks of his life were very stressful for me and my mom. Hospital, rehab center, then long-term care facility. He suffered a great deal, and the whole experience left me exhausted. I am generally in perfect health, but during that time and for three months following I had sinus infections, ear infections, tonsillitis, and laryngitis. It was awful. Coming out of it now. Take care of yourself, plan ways you can rest and get away for a weekend. That helps tremendously.

Had mom placed in memory care 1/4/17. She had begun to fall more in the months prior and was hospitalized with pneumonia a week prior to admittance to the MC. Mom has lived with me in my home for about 3 years now. Stressed much more recently, of course. Saw my doc 12/30 for sores in nose, rash spreading to cheeks, under nose, mouth, bad "cold." Was told then since there was nothing to culture nothing could be given to take care of rash and pain. Was told maybe cold sore. Finally seeing dermatologist today with same problem that won't go away, hoping in particular for something to fix the ugly rash. Never had anything like this in my life, have been relatively healthy, was using my treadmill but not religiously for quite awhile, overeating. I know I did the right thing by mom and for me by placing her since I'm to the overwhelmed point. I do now have the added stress of kinfolk who still think I will be able to "gift" them come spend-down time. I expect to feel better shortly (?), best to try to stay optimistic and hope for more "me" time to get more exercise in. I'm trying to enjoy just sitting in my home alone right now, frankly, and trying to stay upbeat when I feel like crying.

So often, the stress we feel during and after caring for loved ones manifests itself in our own physical illnesses. The psychological weight of caring for someone, even if they are in a facility, is enormous. My mother is still living (90 years old), but happy in her assisted living facility. Yet, I am the one who takes her to the doctor, takes her to church, gets groceries for her, pays her bills, and handles any problems that come up. So, there is still stress, although it is much different than when I was taking care of my dad prior to his death. There may be no medical cure for your health issues because the cause is the stress you're under, not a physical problem. Stress manifests itself in different ways, and I have found (for myself) that when I'm under stress and a particular health problem resolves, another pops up. This does not happen because I'm unhealthy, but because I have the pressure of an ongoing responsibility (in this case, to my parent). If you remember that, it helps. My experience has been, when the stress is gone so will your health issues eventually resolve.

Sometimes just going out for soup and salad/sandwich and a cup of high test coffee (i.e., caffinated) once or twice a week (without your care recipient) can do wonders for your mental health. Sneak it in. You know you deserve it.

My mom now 93 lived with me from mid 2012 to beginnings of 2015 when i moved her to an asst living. She has dementia/az, and age related problems. She always had difficult personality.
I was 24/7 caregiver. I'm still her primary caregiver while is is at the asst living.
I never got compensation, with the exception we shared the cost of rent and basic needs when she lived with me.
Theses were my challenges which got worse:
1) I did not have good night sleep. still persists to this day.
2) my blood pressure went to high I got a minor stroke 4 months ago. I am still recuperating.
3) I do not have motivation to look for day job to supplement my SS . I am 71.
4) I feel depressed almost every day.
5) I lost social skills and friends who were not patient with "my always tired".
6) I stay home 75% of the time.
7) my family (2 adult daughters and 2 brothers) always ignore my requests for help while my mom lived with me and still ignore about my wellbeing. They never come to visit me or call me. All on the same state not more that 70 miles distance.
I do not know what is my purpose in this world .

Before I started taking my parents in I was is good health, running half marathons, playing tennis, diet was mostly raw since I was a lacto ovo pescatarian, so i rarely cook. I am in healthcare and on 24 hospital call at least 15 days of a month aside from my 40 hours regular shift. my mom 93 and my dad 94, both with dementia, my dad needing full assistance. I have a CNA with them while I'm at work, but when I get home, I'm still working. When I took them in, I continued to work full time with call, but did not have time for my usual fitness routine since I have to plan, shop and cook and package their meals for the CNA - my dad has gout, mom has hypertension so they need are on 2 different restrictions + my diet preference is also different. My husband and I were so sleep deprived, from our dogs barking incessantly at night time whenever my mom or dad needed to go to the toilet or when I get called back to work in the middle of the night. It's impossible to get even 5 hours of sleep because my dad needs full assistance to go to the toilet and wakes up wee hours of the morning or just 1 hour before my alarm is set to go off. I could no longer maintain the level of fitness I used to do. i developed Grave's disease an autoimmune disease, got bronchitis, then asthma, then I developed Central Serous Chromio Retinopathy (a black spot in the center of my eye which prevents me from being able to read or see clearly and according to the MD is caused by stress). My husband left me and I harbor no hard feelings because I think its selfish to ask for a person to spend 10 + more years of their productive life in this kind of challenging and limiting environment - my parents' relatives lived past their hundreds so it looks like theres no end in sight - they might even outlive me from how I'm starting to feel. I try to devote1 hour each day for yoga as my self care and attempt to meditate to try to destress and hopefully reverse my stress related illnesses and improve my health, but it is extremely challenging.

Well, at the 5 yr point of coordinating all care and finances for both my parents. Even as a retired RN....it's been more stress than I ever thought possible. Hubby diagnosed with Parkinson's in the middle of this....so here I am now....just in the last two weeks, learning that I have a huge tumor in my lung, that has apparently been growing for some time. I had no issues...and last CXR was 10 yrs ago.... and NOW...my Mom is living in WA state with our RN daughter taking over her care, so that I can be preparing for major lung surgery in the next couple weeks. Doing much legal stuff now, as I am trustee and only one who can access money for Mom's care...and have been both Medical and durable POA. Moving Medical POA to daughter in WA and getting second daughter to be back up on the trust to be able to handle the money aspects, and then arranging auto money transfers from AZ to WA to cover expenses for Mom while I am out of commission. Anticipating coming through this OK and reassuming all....but one has to be prepared for all possibilities. I do believe that stress brought all this on for me. I do thank the Lord that hubby is still self care and that both daughters are great support and help for me when there is a crises going on with Mom or with us. I have GOD in my life....and I am going on Faith with Him too.

Dana

You have mentioned several times that you will not allow your daughter to be a caregiver for you. Then why don't you want the same for yourself? I admire what you are doing and I understand. I took care of my mom (long distance for several years) and she lived with me for 2. She now resides in a memory care facility and is receiving hospice care for bladder cancer.

I also was one of those fit people; work out fanatic, eat healthy etc. When caring for my mom, I was stressed all the time. I got shingles, had back surgery, and now have nerve damage on my left side. I was told that I wasn't healing properly due to stress. Stress and the nervous system are all related. That was a wake up call for me. We are delicate - we try to be strong, but humans are really delicate. Sometimes the ailments we get are a warning sign that we need to change our life.

I also tell my daughters that I will never do this to them. But, I came to realize that my mother's lack of planning (which I tried to get her to do for 20 years) is not my fault. You have to ask yourself, how long do you want to do this? My husband and I agreed to 2 years. My mom is 93; my mother in-law is 95. You never know how long someone will live. I never thought mom would live this long; she has outlived everyone she knows.

There are other options than a nursing home. Have you looked into assisted living facilities? There are also group homes for the elderly that could be a possibility. Call a Place for Mom - see what your options are. You may find a better solution than a nursing home.

Look at all your options, you may be surprised that they are better ones out there.

@Dana235. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am going on my SIXTH year of living with Mom and caring for her. It's not her fault, just the way the cards played out in life due to her dementia and numerous health problems. I began to let myself go. Eating bad. Not exercising. Depression, etc. My neck broke out in a rash last August and it appears scarred with these dark blotches now. All due to stress. I let my tooth go thinking it was a small cavity, and just had a $2,200 root canal and crown. Since I retired at 55 to care for mom, I have no dental insurance, and knew my tooth wouldn't have gotten so bad if I just focused on myself a little. A break from mom is either going to the grocery store, walking around the block or forcing myself to the gym for an hour. So, for 2017 I'm really trying to get back into ME. While juggling mom. It is my New Year's Resolution. I'm doing better with the gym and am looking for more people to relieve me so I can take a monthly break and just go somewhere. I want you to know that it is very common for Caregivers to neglect themselves. . . . . Try to start by just walking around the block -- if you can. It also clears your mind a bit.

Joannes, I hope you make a full recovery from your lungs surgery! You be sure to take plenty of time to recover, before resuming your caregiver position! It's time for a good long break from the situation with your Mom! Take care!

You are not alone. I had to retire to take care of my husband and don't see me ever having a life of my own again. I also just put my mother in assisted living as I was could no longer care for the both of them. She has dementia, he has dementia and PK. I have been hit, kicked, punched...both shoulders are painful as well as my thumbs and back from taking care of him. I have help come in 2x a week. I never used to get sick but for the last 2 months have had bronchitis, sinus infections and general exhaustion.
You don't have to pay for your mother's care - check Medicaid laws in your State. You are lucky you have the option, you should be spending time with your daughter and living your own life. You can still be part of hers, she will get used to her new home. Do you really want to end up resenting her for taking your life?

Dana--I'm going to speak as a daughter of a caregiver. After my Dad passed, all my mother could think about was joining him. She was depressed, talked of suicide, etc. Frankly, I was so angry I could hardly talk to her. And I finally told her. And I asked her didn't she realize when she joined him I would be all alone. And how did she think it made me feel that she would leave me alone rather than try to deal with my Dad's passing. So, reading your second post, you are planning on your own death to "spare your daughter" instead of taking care of yourself. Of course your Mom hated the NH because she knew she had another option.
Believe me I don't mean to be so mean. I was living in your exact situation with my 96 year old Aunt. She was living with me and the stress and strain of it was taking it's tole. I had gain quite a bit of weight (emotional eater), I had to increase my medication for a rapid heart beat, I had to begin taking a medication for anxiety, I now have diabetes, etc. Last fall I was sick 3 straight months and took 5 rounds of antibiotics to get rid of "a cold". Not a cold, of course, but it never progressed to full-blown flu. I ran low-grade fever, ears were stopped up, chest was stopped up, everything had color (if you know what I mean). THREE MONTHS. I went into the doctor for a full CBC work up to see what was going on and my immune system was shot. My body had nothing to fight with. My doc told me that day that I might start thinking about moving my aunt to a NH. I just didn't want to do it. She was so scared. The time or two she had been in rehab she also hated it there. The wednesday before Thanksgiving she fell. ER, hospital stay, then to rehab. I had already done some checking and found just the facility if the need arose, so I was prepared to tell them which rehab to send her to. After she got there, she got worse. When a Medicaid bed came open I agreed to transfer her over to the NH. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Fast forward to today and she has adjusted, she feels safe and well cared for. The first month was rocky and full of late night calls about emergencies. My point is, when she asked about coming home I told her it was up to the doctors. They would not let her come because she couldn't walk, which was essentially the truth. She has settled in. So will your Mom. Please don't martyr yourself and leave your daughter without you because you don't have the courage to stand up to your Mom. Good luck and God Bless.

Me again. And, at first I went daily to spend time with her so she would know I hadn't just dumped her and ran (the place is about 1-1/2 miles from my house). Now I go over for short visits 2-3 times a week. She knows I love her and she is comfortable.

I can only speak for myself, of course. The answer is yes, caregiving took a toll on my body because at the time, it had to be a split second decision as my late mother never advised her family of her bad decline in health , especially since she was living alone in her own home. I needed a foot surgery, for one, but couldn't get it because I had to move in with her 400 miles.

Yes my health is worse. I end up putting off my own doctor visits. Not only that, but I know of at least two people who ended up passing away only a year or so after their care giving days ended. One man developed cancer and the other had a heart attack. (And yet, my siblings think that I should not have any money? Really?)

Thank you all so much. Since I first posted, I've had thrush and strep throat at the same time. I finally had to go to the doctor, which I avoid because I don't have health insurance, and it took two rounds of two medications to get it all under control. Some days mom is ok, but other days, like today, she is very demanding and wants me to sit with her all the time, and she talks about the same things over and over and over again, and she cries and moans all the time. My daughter is very busy with school, and sometimes all I hear from her is quick text, but sometimes she likes to talk for an hour or so, and then it's like mom is jealous - she'll ask when I'll get off the phone.

I do need to stand up to mom and tell her that we need to use her money to get her paid caretaker to come another afternoon so that I can have at least an afternoon off a week. She is such a fall risk that she cannot be left alone - she'll promise not to get up, and usually she won't, but sometimes she does.

Yes, I am planning on suicide if I don't get cancer so that my daughter can have her life. If it's cancer, I'll move to Oregon, otherwise when the time is right, i will go to Dignitas. When caregiving is over, then the grief, and by then, there probably won't be enough of me left. This is only partly depression - the reality is that people have to go through things that we would never put our pets through. Actually, I think rational suicide as end of life management is very different from despair suicide.

I can't put her in a facility for several reasons. One, my daughter would never forgive me. She is very close to her grandmother - and when she came home for semester break, mom was on her best behavior and not as demanding as usual, didn't cry and moan all the time, so she doesn't know all of what I go through, but she did see me helping mom get dressed, giving her a bath, helping her go potty all day long, putting her to bed.

Another reason is that I live in a state with a filial responsibility law.
And another is that when she was in rehab, she fell there. She can be sweet but she is also a domineering person and she is stubborn. Even in rehab she fell because she thought that she could get up and go potty herself. She said she had to go potty and had to wait for half an hour so she had to go herself. I told her she has to go in her Depends. It's been an uphill battle to get her to pee in her Depends at night - she had been waking me up two and three times. Finally I told her if she kept on that she would wear me out, I'd collapse, and then she would be in a nursing home.

Thanks for giving me the space to vent. At least day before yesterday I did some yoga and today went for a short run. Tomorrow if mom is difficult I'll lie and tell her I have a migraine so I can get a break from her until next time she has to go potty. I've also thought of putting her in a nursing home for a week of respite care so I can have a break. Sometimes mom says she feels bad that I have to do so much for her - maybe then I can tell her that the best thing she can do for me is to go in a nursing home for a week so I can have a break. I'll admit that sometimes I resent it when she says she can never repay me, but actually she could by actually paying me to be her caregiver since I'm struggling financially, and by going to a nursing home for just one week of respite. I do think I should see an elder law attorney and get everything in place in case I go first. It will have to be set up that if I die first or become incapacitated that mom goes to a facility - otherwise my daughter would have to drop out of school for caregiving. I have a friend who years ago actually had to drop out of medical school to take care of her parents. Her mother is now in a nursing home but she still has to visit every day.

Dana, the only way your daughter will agree that her Grandmother needs a higher level of care is for her to take care of her Grandmother when she is home on her break.   Spring break is coming up, she needs to be home to do ALL the work involved, and you disappear for that time off even if it means checking into a hotel. Your daughter doesn't realize she is also stressing you out.

As for falling, Mom will fall no matter where she lives, that is just what elders do.   I know you enjoy talking to your daughter when she calls, cut the call short saying "it sounds like Mom has fallen again, I may need to call 911 this time".   Maybe then your daughter might get a hint, or maybe not.

Keep us up-to-date on what is happening.

You sound like you are under a tremendous amount of stress, and I know you are saying it's "only partly" depression, but I urge you to find a counselor of some kind, and go to your doctor specifically to talk about how you are feeling. (Or if you don't feel like talking to your doctor about that, find a prescribing psychiatrist.) Antidepressants are nothing to be ashamed of and can really help.

As for suicide, that may seem like an option, but in reality your daughter needs to know that you'll be around to love and care about her as long as possible, more than she needs to know she won't have to take care of you. (Also, hoping for cancer to magically "take you away" ignores the many realities of living with cancer, even for a short time, and the many kinds of cancer that occur. It's not like in the movies where one day you're given a diagnosis and the next you're laying peacefully in a coffin. There's a lot in between, and more often than not, it's years or even decades, not weeks.)

As it is, I am very concerned that you have done serious planning about suicide. I hope you will call a suicide hotline or the Alzheimer's Association hotline when you're feeling this way, talk through how caregiving is making you feel, and get some perspective. They have been tremendously helpful to me and to many others here.

As for assisted living or a nursing home, yes, she might "hate" it. (As one other wise caregiver has said, she'll mostly hate it when she assumes she has alternatives.) On the other hand, she might enjoy some aspects of it. (For one thing, being cared for by people who aren't depressed and resentful, and actually enjoy doing caregiving, makes a huge difference!) Beyond that, the routines and comforts of being cared for 24/7 in her own nice little apartment might hold some appeal once she settles in. My mom hated moving to assisted living, but it was absolutely necessary due to my dad's Alzheimer's, there was no way for them to continue living "independently" (with lots of help from me), partly because of my own breast cancer diagnosis. She cried and yelled at us for days. She doesn't "love" it now, except for the food, but she and my dad are well cared for and very comfortable, and I'm so grateful for that. So I would really urge you to give some more consideration to those options, and find out what supports are available in your community for caregivers. Even a week's respite would give you some breathing room.

More importantly, you'd have a life you value, and you wouldn't have to worry about her 24/7. It can be nearby enough that you can visit her every day twice a day, and still have your life back because someone else is doing the hands-on caregiving. If your mother doesn't have her own resources (money in the bank or a big life insurance policy), you could talk to your local Area Agency on Aging and find out which places nearby offer care on Medicaid.

Bottom line, you deserve a life that you can live. No one should feel like they're spent and life isn't worth living, and if you're feeling that way, it's time to make some dramatic changes before your health makes them for you.

There is one thing I remembered my Dad saying to me "Your Mom and I never expected to live this long".... they were 95 and 98.   They had no clue what I was going through being a senior myself as neither of them needed to take care of their own parents.

Dear Dana,

There is a lot on your shoulder caring for your mom. It does take a toll. Us, women take on so much and we are trying to do the best we can. The last year caring for my dad I became so angry and resentful. Nothing seemed to be going right. I didn't know how to ask for help. I know finding the right balance is hard, but its a must. Try to find some time for yourself. Your health must be a priority. Sorry for this analogy, but I feel like I was a car running on empty and that didn't help my dad. He needed his daughter more than ever and she had nothing more to give.

Yes, it is usually, but not always, the female who has to step up and be the caregiver. Did we want this "Job?" Maybe we should have put it on our resume! In 6 months' time, I had an 18-page list of things I had done for my late mother! 18 PAGES! I actually never sat down to eat a meal! I just grabbed a bite while I was running past to do yet another myriad of tasks!!!!!!!