at times she feels lucid, Another uses foul language and insults towards me .
Most of the time I ignore her. At times I want to dissapear. Anyhow I try to take short breaks during the week: yoga, meditation , market , other errands.
Each time I go out and caregiver comes over to watch my mom , she throws a tantrum and gets bitter again. This is who she was when I grew up . . Never wanted to see me happy . I am tired of her forever bad attitude and now 90 is getting worse .
What do I do for her foul language?
Given the her damaged mind, have you glued the lips shut.
Maybe you could find a "Cone-of-silence" to place around her.
One caregiver wrote " I have to go out to my car, sit in it and scream"
Look up the phenomenon know as "pleasant dementia". (I first read an article about it in Newsweek, in 2008.) Relatively uncommon, unfortunately. Very interesting.
The really interesting thing about the woman in the article was that prior to getting dementia she was apparently a very wretched person, so in her case the change was the reverse of what some experience. (While many elders just seem to lose filters and their unpleasantness becomes exaggerated and takes over, I believe there are even folks who were never anything but kind, sweet, and gentle who become nasty and abusive.)
Sadly, nasty seems to be the norm - or at least prevalent. Makes me think about how wretched I will be if I live that long. (Big IF! Might not have to worry about it if this gig kills me...)
If your mother was kind and loving before but not now then you could blame the disease and understand it is not her. Unfortunately you have said your mother was cold your entire life. I pray she will in the end become the mother you have always wanted but never had. I understand they often do for whatever reason. My mother has been sweet to me for the last two months and I suspect we are getting close to her end. Only God knows, I certainly don't understand it but gave up trying to long ago. I wish you peace and reconciliation with her.