My mother and I are caregivers for my grandmother with Alzheimer's. Over the last few months, we've been dealing with a number of problems that seem to be typical...loss of time and place, feeling she isn't at home, etc. These problems aren't too big a deal and are mostly manageable with diversion and so on. However, she has terrible issues in the afternoons (often starting right after lunch) in which she believes she has a number of children (the number and age varies) and she knows they aren't at home, so she wants to search for them. When we try to keep her from going outside unsupervised - she isn't able to safely move from place to place as she's mostly restricted to a wheelchair- she turns aggressive and nasty, claiming we've hidden her (nonexistent) children from her and occasionally takes swings at us and even bit mom one day. It's shocking how strong she can get when most times she struggles just to get out of her chair! She makes up elaborate stories around how she got these kids and what they were doing each day to justify the things she says about them. She wants to search houses that don't exist and go to places that don't exist to find them. It's impossible to provide her any proof that these children don't exist, of course, and even if you gently correct her at the beginning, she forgets and the cycle starts all over again. She's threatened to call the police, have us sent to prison and also threatened to kill us. I've caught her searching the places where her guns used to be (long ago removed.) Does anyone have any idea what to do to calm this behavior, for her own good and everyone else's? We'e tried to be as caring and loving as we can (of course it's scary not to know where your kids are) but no amount of distraction seems to work. Telling the truth doesn't work. "Therapeutic lying" doesn't work. We're at the end of our ropes here and at the point of burnout and I'm really concerned about my mother's health from the stress of all the constant fighting. This happens on most days but doesn't occur to the same degree every day; when she isn't in "that mode" she's reasonably easy to deal with. We've been to a doctor and she has medication; it does help her sleep through the night which is good, but we need some idea for how to deal with the violent and nasty behavior since the medicine doesn't seem to be acting on that. We have another appointment with the doctor but it will be months before we can get in. Is there anything we can do, or is the only choice just to deal with it and hope for the best?
I'd also llook on You Tube for Teepa Snow videos on handling people who have dementia. She has good tips and demonstrations for how to go into their world and keep them calm. I'd caution about pointing out things to prove her wrong, dispute her, etc. since, it's not likely to work and even if they do, she'll forget.
My moms 1st NH was nearby a college. From her room windows she could easily & clearly see outside and onto campus edge & student parking lots. By springtime she would go into rants about gypsy orphan children living in apartments upstairs. She was visibly worried about their safety & that somebody needed to take care of them as they looked tired... worried.. then it totally stopped. Then in fall, it started again & more intense. Fortunately she kept her worries to me & family rather than with staff. One day I’m driving out of NH parking and had to wait for group of college kids to pass by and it dawned on me. OMG it’s the gypsies.... boys with earrings, kids with tats, loud fluttery clothes, trudgeing backpacks, no parents around and their walking right below moms windows!!and as they turned the corner from an upper floor they would look like they disappeared into the NHs awning covered entrance. Moved mom across the hall where her view below the was the NH garden. When I asked her later if she still saw them, she gave me a very studied look and very matter of fact told me, “No, they moved”. Lol.
Mom had Lewy Body dementia and had had prior visual hallucinations when she was in IL, like seeing small nonthreating animals (cats, rabbits), and seeing carpet like cobblestones. Visual distortion is a hallmark of Lewy. You may want to read up on Lewy to see if your mom has other Lewy-like behaviors and let her gerontologist know as the medications for Lewy especially for psych meds are different.
Seroquil does not work for everyone. Sometimes it actually makes things worse. There are plenty of other things to try.
If her behaviour becomes uncontrollable which it sounds pretty close now don't hesitate to call the police and EMS. She can be taken to the ER and the Drs there can have her Baker Acted.
I am sure you would like to continue to care for her at home but the situation is becoming more and more dangerous for everyone concerned so it may be time to consider memory care. No one wants to do that for a loved one but it may be time to "bite the bullet" Do come back and let us know how things work out. Your experience can greatly help others in a similar situation.
gladimhere: We talked to the doctor about it once before and were able to get the prescription modified. We started with one 25mg tab, then 1 1/2, and now 2, one pill given at lunchtime and another around 4-5pm. It works for perhaps a week before she resumes the same behavior. She seems to adapt to the medication super quickly. I'm afraid if we just increase the dose, she'll just adjust once again. Maybe another med will help but sadly we can't get another appointment until November. I don't know if the doctor would be willing to work out details like that over the phone although we got the Seroquel prescription adjusted that way, so who knows?
How much is grandma taking? It may be time to adjust the dosage or maybe even try a different med. Check with her doctor.
Thanks so much for your help.
We haven't contacted the police at this point, but it's definitely something to keep in mind.
And have you notified the police that there is someone living in your home with dementia? It will simplify things for you if she ever does call the police. They still respond, but at least have an idea what they are getting into if they are called.
Is grandma taking any medication?