Two nights ago I felt a pull to go see my mom at her memory care and take her a glass of wine and spend some extra time. I see her everyday and had seen her earlier and she was fine. Took her one glass of wine. Left. They called me later that night and said when they checked on her she wasn’t breathing right. I went over, cause I only live a few
blocks away and she totally out of it, pooped everywhere, rattly breathing. (She’s on hospice so didn’t call emergency.). All next day we thought she might be dying, in and out, won’t eat or even strength to drink out of a straw. Even reached up in her sleep like you see…Sat, held her hand through day. Then today, back to “normal.” What in the world? These ups and downs are exhausting. She’s definitely in late stage, doesn’t make a lot of sense anymore.. this was the first time I really thought it might be happening but now today she’s coherent. It’s exhausting. Anyone have this kind of thing happening? 🙏🏼
There were the times when she would be constipated, and it seemed like she would die from sepsis...and then she would have a large bowel movement and go back to normal.
There were times when she would stop eating, and we thought she would waste away...then she would start back eating.
There were times when her responsiveness would go way down...and then it would come back up again and she would start back talking to us.
The time when she actually died...it seemed like a normal day, nothing went wrong that day. She wasn't constipated, her breathing wasn't worse than usual. Ironic isn't it ?
My advice ? Instead of getting worked up each time... just, take a moment to come to terms with the fact that... she is going down. That way, instead of getting frightened each time, you would already be somewhat expecting it.
Yes, dementia is quite a roller coaster! One day/moment seems pretty normal, the next I'm scratching my head as to what the heck is going on! Very strange. And tiring, no doubt.
Buckle up - it's gonna be a wild ride! I guess all you can do is try to roll with it. Since she's on hospice, obviously at some point she will be passing but I guess there could be numerous false alarms.
My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life and there were many times when they told me that the end was near and he would bounce back and just keep going and going like the Energizer bunny. That is until he didn't. But even then I was told that he would be dead in 3 days and it took him 41 days with no food to die.
It's exhausting to say the least and like you say it's like being on a roller-coaster. I compared it to a roller-coaster all the time.
And not to scare you but once you get off of this roller-coaster, you'll be on another that's called grief. So hang on tight and just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mom.
In addition, although you might think you got the timing right, that glass of wine might have interacted with medicine.
I’m not saying you did this, but I know people who wanted to speed up their parent’s death, by giving sweets (diabetic), or alcohol.