For those who don't know me, my husband and I live with my mom who is 91 and has Alzheimer's and a weak heart. I take medication for depression but it still gets a hold of me. We rarely get out together as my mom can't be alone. My brother and sister live far away...brother gives us breaks maybe once or twice a year. Sister doesn't lift a finger. I've been doing this for almost 5 years and making other arrangements is not an option for me. My husband says I'll feel better in the spring. I don't know... Guilt goes along with the depression. If I don't do anything I feel guilty, but I some days don't feel up to doing a thing.
I'm learning there are many aspects to this depression. I my own case as someone with bipolar II, this situational depression increases the depths of my bipolar mood swings down. It gets itensified with anger that surfaces with un faced before issues from my childhood memory. In my case, I'm not talking about just my elderly mother who is 78 and spousified me as a little boy when she divorced my dad when I was 3 and continuing this emotional instrusive engulfment even after she remarried when I was 12; plus her successful attempts to ice my dad, (now 85), out of my life which has been sealed by my wicked witch of the west needy but domineering step-mother. Don't even let me get started about my dad or step dad for I've got some issues with them too. All of which I used Microsoft movie maker the other night to express in film the feelings that now feel so raw and at their worse my skin feels as sensitive as someone who has no skin. I will take my 18 minute movie to my therapist on Tuesday for when I can't actually say my emotions to begin with, he fully understands what I'm saying through making a short movie.
I don't know how many times I've seen the needy enslaving spouse surprise everyone by living on as your mother has after their spouse dies. My MIL is a perfect example of this. I hope that move turns out well and can understand the lack of movitation and energy to plan it all, etc.
Thanks crow and dede. I had never thought about this before, (not having $$ for therapy) but YES. In my case I also became the "spouse" after my parents divorced when I was 7. Then at 21 I got out of the state and made my own life-only to be back in the same situation now. I struggle hard against it, try to separate myself and claim who I have become, but she is relentless, and now that she has me here with her fantasy or sickness in place once again is trying to draw energy to live forever!!!!!!!!!!!I think the only glitch for HER is that I'm not participating-which is causing an enormous amount of resentment in her.
This new thread is giving me a lot to think about.
The book which hit the nerve of being spousified for me is Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners -Understanding Covert Incest By Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D.. It so described my own experience far better than the book The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life by Dr. Patricia Love.
"All My Siblings"
"Who's Afraid of Mommy Dearest?"
"Edge of Insanity"
"The Young and The Borderline"
"The Guiding F.O.G."
"Another World, The Untold Story"
"One Life To Lose"
"Days of My Former Life"
"No Hope For Tomorrow"
"Search For My Life"
"Our Private Hell"
"Desperate Caregivers"
And yes I know what a Moo Moo is-unfortunately.
Group hug from here too.
"I am Going To Catalina In My Mind"
sad sad , now im drinkin my beer to calm me down and maybe take away the achin feelin in my back .
hope tmr be a better day ....
<----- going coo coo
last year it was his back then over the summer its his wrist now its his whole body . sometimes he acts like he s dying .
nothing better to do but put on a show i guess ...
next time just act like ure callin the dr and then hang up the ph and tell her dr said to take ur whatever . she;ll be satisfied since u called the dr . wink .
While it might sound contrary to almost everything sometimes people find the spring makes their depression feel even worse as everything else is looking so new, beautiful and fresh. I would suggest that you and your husband just be aware of this.