For those who don't know me, my husband and I live with my mom who is 91 and has Alzheimer's and a weak heart. I take medication for depression but it still gets a hold of me. We rarely get out together as my mom can't be alone. My brother and sister live far away...brother gives us breaks maybe once or twice a year. Sister doesn't lift a finger. I've been doing this for almost 5 years and making other arrangements is not an option for me. My husband says I'll feel better in the spring. I don't know... Guilt goes along with the depression. If I don't do anything I feel guilty, but I some days don't feel up to doing a thing.
To paint the picture bigger using your word "lonely", you are not alone with that feeling within your household. I assume that when you say that your family does not understand that you mean siblings and other relatives. Very likely, your 7, 4, and 1 year old feel some loneliness as well as your husband even though he is working far too many hours which may be his self-medication for the stress. As an adult who is married and a mother, your primary responsibility is to your marriage and to your children and secondarily to make sure that your mother is cared for but not necessarily in the sense of being the fourth child at home which is far too much to be expected of you realistically considering your own health problem and three young ones who take a lot of energy at those ages particularly.
Stress increases one's blood pressure and one's blood sugar level. Either of these health problems could potentially cause your death before your mother dies. Wrapping yourself up totally into your mom's care could cost you your marriage as one person on this site told me took place with them and only understood years after the marriage was over. I'm being this direct and serious because to me is sounds like you possibly are sitting on a time bomb which needs defusing soon.
Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and your own strength and sanity, remember that you do not need to feel guilty for setting limits on what you will give to your mother from your reservoir of strength. Your first duty is to take adequate care of yourself, so that you'll be in a position where you'll be able to care for your husband, kids, and mother. If you are getting weaker yourself, you are no good to the others in your care. Best to you.
Wow you are so overwhelmed and stressed out and with good reason. Let me make sure I understand this correctly, your husband is a full time college college and you are adjunct college professor. My wife was once a college professor and frankly 18 hours a day sounds unreasonable. He might be trying to escape how things are at home to work close to a 90 work week. Thus, I think he needs some help with his workaholicism. With both of you working who takes care of your children with only one of them in school and having a one year old?
Evidently your family members must not understand the demands upon a family where both spouses are working outside the home along with having young children. Either they are that dense or they are just in denial.
Now about the obligation thing that's part of some self-imposed F.O.G. in my opinion unless your mother at some point drilled this into your head. Fear, Obligation and Guilt.
Taking care of an elderly parent is not the same as a parent taking care of a child and so can't really be equated with payback. Did she ever get a baby sitter for your? Did she care for an aging parent and one as in as poor health as her at home while taking care of you around in your younger years? Did she have a life while taking care of you?
Taking care of someone does not mean having to kill oneself, abandon ones children and destroy ones family of out a sense of obligation, or fear they might not like you acting somewhat like their parent and making some decisions for their being cared for that they might not like at first but can adjust to, or guilt for not being able to do it all yourself. You already sound like you were super mom before your mother came to live with you.
I'd look into not only support for yourself, but also some means to get some added relief concerning your mother. I think you might need the help of like a home health nurse to assess this situation at home and possibly talk with your mother about what might be a best course of action for her and for you given your own health and the dynamics of your family. It also sounds like your personal family and broader family needs to have separate family conference time about what's going on because it really should not fall all on you.
BTW, do you have Durable and Medical POA for you mother or does some sibling have that?
I hope this helps.
i wrote down that meds down so i ll try remmythat the nexttime i go see that dr .
its called sundowners , they just stay awake and meds dont work , thier mind just overpowers everything , amazin !!!
im betting he will sleep tmr , i hope ... right now he s all smiles watching andy griffon . enjoying the buzz...
FLEISCHKUCHLE with the two dots over the U...pronounced...Fleisch...keesch...e...luh...now say that fast....vioila.
wanted to put pa in bed he s fightin with me about that so i let him stay up . he hasnt been in his bed for 2 days , his mind wont let him sleep . gosh i hope staying wide awake dont kill him !
grab me a beer so now im feelin lit better , sandy im errie about takin depression pills . im scared of em . i try to deal with my depresions in tellin myself that tmr will be better day . today sure wasnt a good day so maybe tmr will . if not then i will think about talkin to doc .
The tilapia recipe is very fast and easy and yummy just add sea salt and lemon.
I love that recipe for German Hamburgers. I copied it and will be making that for lunch tomorrow. Now this is what we all need to do - start posting some yummy recipes. lol. Like the talapia recipe too!
"Fall, leaves, fall"
Fall, leaves, fall; die, flowers, away;
Lengthen night and shorten day;
Every leaf speaks bliss to me
Fluttering from the autumn tree.
I shall smile when wreaths of snow
Blossom where the rose should grow;
I shall sing when night's decay
Ushers in a drearier day.
Emily Jane Brontë
its bad enuff when i dont feel like cookin but i gotta do it got 2 hungry men here . i dont even want to eat .
its amost six and its past suppertime . ooops , better get on the ball and dirty up dishes after i just wash em today . then gotta wash em again . dman houswork never ends !
gotta wash those pads and sheets too for the 2nd time today after askin pa if he ha dto go bathroom , noooo he says . if i try to get him up he will act like he s so cripple and cant get up . ive pulled my back before and am not doing it again . so he sits there wet . till he decides he s wet and cant stand it then he will helpme by getting up and slide over to wheelchair .
wheres that beach at ????
How about comfort food, perhaps papa will like that too:
mac n cheese (even nukable ones are good)
scalloped potatoes ( the box ones are just as good as homemade)
steamed veggies (fresh veggies cheap at the 99 cents store)
fried fish (Lousianna fish fry - no salt pkg - dip Talipa fillets in a mixture of 1 egg and cup of milk -dip in fish fry fry in light Wesson oil - fast and easy)
german hamburgers (kinda like mini meatloafs - ground beef, minced onion, eggs, bread soaked in milk, salt/pepper, paprika - shape into fat patties and fry)
pa s been awake ovr 24 hrs big bright eyes . am waitin for him to sleep for 2 days . i think i ll sleep for 2 days . i am so cold and freezing , lazy , tired , gotta cook supper too . whats to fix ? nothing sounds good . :-(
i wonder if that is a sign of depressions sinkin in ? i sure do feel down ...
Sandy - I like how you put that about 'sins'!!!!
Tina and everyone else after reading the past several posts I felt like saying
GROUP HUG
thanks pamela !!
Taking 0.5 mg of Risperdal is entry level for this med. Doctors do tend to prescribe lower doses to older people though. Please take some time to research this med online for it does have some important possible side effects at higher levels.