For those who don't know me, my husband and I live with my mom who is 91 and has Alzheimer's and a weak heart. I take medication for depression but it still gets a hold of me. We rarely get out together as my mom can't be alone. My brother and sister live far away...brother gives us breaks maybe once or twice a year. Sister doesn't lift a finger. I've been doing this for almost 5 years and making other arrangements is not an option for me. My husband says I'll feel better in the spring. I don't know... Guilt goes along with the depression. If I don't do anything I feel guilty, but I some days don't feel up to doing a thing.
My mom has said her rosary for many a year. Even now she ask someone to hand it to her so she can pray. I really don't even know if she says complete our fathers, or hair mary's but she does something.
For many years when I wasn't being quite the ideal person, good things would happen to me. Sometimes when I had no money, a check would just appear out of nowhere. Sometimes when I would feel alone, someone would call and say "come on over". Sometime when my sonz weren't being to well behaved, all of a sudden they would become someone special all over again.
Now for many years I just thought it was luck, then one day my mom and I had a conversation and she told me she prays for me and my family all the time. It was then that I knew that through her prayers God was seeing me through. Certainly it wasn't because of me praying, because at that time I wasn't.
Depressed yes I am depressed because after all that praying my mom did for me, now she needs God to see her through.
So praying is what I continue to do. There is power in prayer, there is power in believing and I have to believe that. Maybe there will be no miracle, but I will settle for peace.
The continuation of these psychotic breaks with reality also known as auditory hallucinations means her anti psychotic medicine needs adjusting by her doctor. It would be good idea to accomplish this before she goes to assisted living. For some people who struggle with these psychotic breaks, they find smoking a comfort.
I don't think any of us are like paying for some past sins although it might feel that way.
Dad been for a scan today to see if he has the dementia.I go to the hospital every day to visit. Soon he will be in a home and i am looking forward to the future.
I think a whole generation was raised to not value our own needs, but to swallow our feelings and focus on the needs of others at the expense of our own.
That was me growing up and for years later for my mother had absorbed me emotionally into herself to meet her emotional need without ever meeting mine which she did voluntarily admit to 20 years ago or meeting my dad's emotional needs or her second husband's emotional needs which she has not clue.
I'm glad you can breathe. Breathe and let all of that toxicity from stress that's built up in your muscles, etc. just flow out bit by bit.
I am totally OK with it. I understand exactly where you are coming from.
You are human like the rest of us and you might need a counselor or pastor to help you get past this guilt which I feel like you are putting on yourself. I hope you are happy that you are going to have a life. Your mom and dad had a life when they had you and now you are in the parent of the parent mode and can have a life too.
I made the mistake years ago at the Biltmore House in NC by just tasting some of their wine. Wow was I really mellow that night given it was also mixed with wellbutrin, my anti-depressant. I'm sure glad that I didn't actually drink a whole glass of wine.
Please be more graceful with yourself. At 60 years old, with grown children who have children, you have every right to go and visit them 'guilt free'. Grace to you Greysfully! :)
27 is a bit young for a low score. However, according to another article in Men's Health, today's 20-30 something male has much less testosterone level than the same age group of a generation ago. BTW, my sister in law buys me a new subscription to Men's Health as my Christmas present ever year! Don't I have a wonderful sister in law! And she lives just a few doors down from and has to deal with her borderline 'mommy dearest' whitch, queen mother type as a ovarian cancer survivor since 2001 and frankly has no business having to do all she does for her mother plus deal with a needy disabled and somewhat confused husband.
Here are my three favorite articles on testosterone.
http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/2003/01.09/01-testosterone.html
http://discuss.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/zforum/05/viewpoint_aar041806.html
http://www.bu.edu/today/2009/12/10/coming-soon-decade-testosterone
I'm sure the article from Men's Health on Testosterone can be found online.
Thinking about how to approach this, you could ask if he has had a bone density test done. Given how low many people's vitamin D level often is, this really might not be a bad idea. A poor result from that test would likely mean testosterone gets looked into as well as the vitamin D level. BTW, my endocrinologist tells me that we only need 15 minutes a day in the direct sun on the tops of our arms to make the vitamin D we need. However, the suntan lotion people have scared us out of the sun.
The bigger question for your son's situation is does his psychiatrist know about current testosterone treatments and your son's testosterone level? I had to point this out to my psych when I asked him for a referal to the endocrinologist. So, when I told him last year my depression was worse than usual the first thing he asked about was my testosterone level and ordered lab work for it. My medicine for that was adjusted some, but it's not had much impact on anything else. It is probably a good idea to test for and often is part of the bood work in a man's annual physical. However, given the nature of bipolar lifting his testosterone level to normal range if low most likely will not really help the bipolar.
One more humorous note about testosterone and sex. This is a controled substance that comes with wise instructions about washing it off your hands after putting it on your upper arms and shoulders. If I fail to do so and shake hands with one of my teenage boys, he just might get a hormonal jolt of energy. If I fail to keep my shirt on for four-six hours after putting it on and my wife rubs my upper arms and shoulders, I'm in danger of her ripping my clothes off. Well on that note, I'm going to bed.
I discovered 5 years ago that there was more to my own depression than just bi-polar II, etc. My sister in law read an article in her husband's Men's Health magazine and suggested that I see an endocrinologist which I got my Psych to refer me to. Well, turns out that my testosterone level was totally lower than the Dead Sea, my pituitary gland was no longer telling my body to make that hormone, and I had osteoporosis. Interstingly, my the various regular doctors over the 5 or so years previous to that would only say 'oh you are a little low, let's give you this patch for 6 months.' Then I learned that the mental health people have known for years about testosterone and male depression, but went the pill rout because the method of getting testosterone to me was in the dark ages. That never changed until the pharmacy industry developed a super efficient pump bottle for women's estrogen treatment's.
While I'm taking my hormones every day, well most of the time at least, I still need my wellbutrin and lamictal to help me otherwise. I tried going a while without the wellbutrin but it did not work. I also learned 5 years ago that I had sleep apnea. Well, that itself causes depression and in men contributes to a poor level of testosterone production. Oh, one surprising bit of information that I learned from one doctor is that older men are not the highest consumers of viagra or cialis. Younger men are getting their doctors to give it to them for extra energy in their sex life. Well, I went from writing about depression to sex. ha, ha, :)