For those who don't know me, my husband and I live with my mom who is 91 and has Alzheimer's and a weak heart. I take medication for depression but it still gets a hold of me. We rarely get out together as my mom can't be alone. My brother and sister live far away...brother gives us breaks maybe once or twice a year. Sister doesn't lift a finger. I've been doing this for almost 5 years and making other arrangements is not an option for me. My husband says I'll feel better in the spring. I don't know... Guilt goes along with the depression. If I don't do anything I feel guilty, but I some days don't feel up to doing a thing.
Now it will be almost 2 years Mom has passed from complication of Alzheimer's....I still am reaching out-and I try to be there for many....Caregiving can have a profound affect on many.
By the way this has been quite an enlightening thread.
Good luck to all who are still on their caregiving journey--and know that depression and other health issues are a possibility, but can be delt with.
Hap
just curious, but did your mother contribute to your divorce?
shelleyanne,
We husbands are good for situations like your's, but for some of us there is a part of the journey of dealing with mom that only the daughter can and must do which my wife had to do once I refused to let her hide behind my behind and fight her battle for her.
LOL
You might want to add
your experience to the person who just wrote on another thread (just now) about her 94 year old mom.
Sounds like she's another one of US.
Can't evict her though unless she first signs a rental, agreement which she won't- and then doesn't pay.
I am going to have to get on that NPD website-though it won't get rid of the real problem, which is HER.
All of this strife is so against my nature-I don't want to live like this, always having to fight to be treated decently and with respect. I am so tired of it.
Thanks for the hug pirategirl.
I am glad you shared your story of how you wish you never got entangled with your jailer.....cause that's how I feel imprisoned even from afar.
I cannot imagine what I could have been thinking; should have just left her in rehab after her breaking a hip and let some other sucker take care of the witch.
My health is declining, I have aged 5 years in 1 year, I have torn a shoulder picking her up off the floor.....need I go on?
Don't get me wrong, I think its wonderful that so many of you caregivers have such a loving relationship with those you care for-but the toxic ones (wish I'd remembered HOW toxic) can't be rehabilitate and don't for a minute think they will suddenly have a revalation. Mine thinks I'm still 3 years old and that she owns my every thought and action-and then metes out "punishment" when I don't "get in line". Swear to God, the woman sits there at tries to tell me what she wants done by pointing (like a queen)-then gets nasty when I calmly object. Yeeech.
I understand the feeling of wanting to have some space to call your own and needing to get out...yikes, I'd be like a caged animal after a week of what you are going through. I struggle with the guilt when I can't be there for mom too. I am slowly learning that feeling guilty about doing what I need to for me is wrong. You have to take care of yourself before you are any good to anyone else. I try to remember to remind myself of that when I am having a good time away from mom. I hope that helps...
Tom
I don't think this forum would allow me to express myself with the freedom I'd like to about your mom in light of what she did to your first marriage and is trying her d_ best on your second.
My not having a very good day at all, plus I'm almost feeling angry for you over this as well as how much it reminds me of various parts of history, it's very difficult for me to even be civil right now much less much of a refelective listener other than you say this much, "right you are d--- right to pay attention to you and your husband's children and to your husband for you're married to him not ya mama" I'm certain you are paying your children much more attention that she ever did you and you're a better wife to him than your mother was to your dad. That's eating her alive and I'd let her stew in for she made her bed, so let her sleep in it!
Crowe-she hated my first husband and she hates my current husband, - she was a big part of the reason I divorced the first time. She hates my husband cuz he doesn't "kiss her ***" and has outright told me I should divorce him. She says he doesn't treat me nice and she has never seen him be nice to me. That is only because we are so stressed when she is around that none of us can be nice to each other since we are always anticipating which of our next words or actions are going to "set her off".
Sandy - makes me anxious too. Just typing this is making my heart beat harder and causing me to get short of breath. I always used to calm and upbeat, but 10 years of this has caused me to be anxious and depressed.