My 72 year old mom moved in with my husband and me 2 years ago. She is physically and mentally healthy. I used the term caregiver with her some time ago and she came unglued. That has me feeling hesitant to post my questions here. So, do I belong here since she takes care of herself but lives with us?
Yes, you are a caregiver. Her illnesses are going to progress. you are doing for her now and it will become much more. Being here you may very well learn how to handle different issues before they become an issue. That makes you a planner, that is good for you and all involved.
If she says she does not need any assistance then you should have no problem getting her to look at apartments, maybe even a senior complex.
My mom has been in her apartment for three years now. She's in a great place that has continuing care. They have all kinds of activities and trips but she still chooses to sit and watch TV all day. The good news is she has made friends and meets them every night for Happy Hour and dinner.
I've really had to work hard to make her independent. I had to for her sake and mine. Take care of yourself and listen to what others have said about setting boundaries.
With your Mom being so young you likely have many years in front of you. You will be a MUCH better caretaker as time goes on if you take care of yourself first (like the oxygen mask in a plane), so think of it as helping your mom as well as yourself. I know that there are good books out there on boundary setting, but I can't remember their name. However Captain Awkward (google it) is an advice columnist all about setting boundaries and she has great advice so go check out her archives.
I had my own issues with the care taking I was doing for my parents and my husband who has his own special needs. Seeing a therapist was hugely helpful!!
Good luck.
Your Mom has the personality of someone who had a perforated ulcer, maybe keeping things in.
Send her to talk therapy.
Protecting her dignity might help also, so that she doesn't have to see you as her caregiver.
What is the relationship she has with your hubs? That could be important, a clue as to what she needs. That is quite a Dagwood you both are building there.
Please find yourself a therapist and go so that you have someone to guide and support you in the battle for freedom from the big three, "Fear, Obligation and Guilt"
Google "fear, obligation and guilt". Then read about how adult children set boundaries with their parents.
Your mother has some serious illnesses which are progressive. She may have some mental illness or a personality disorder. She is certainly not a fully functional, independent person, is she?
Yes, you belong here! Start setting boundaries on your time, both for work and with your husband. And start looking at senior apartments in your area for mom.
Instead of your Mom going to a senior center, personally I feel 70 is too young to even be there, is for Mom to do some volunteer work that is an easy drive for her. Volunteering is the greatest feeling in the world, plus she will meet new people closer to her age. Then and maybe then your Mom will start taking better care of herself.
Yes, you are a caregiver if you are driving Mom to doctor appointments, etc. And with Mom having those ailments. Curious about the poor vision. What does the ophthalmologist have to say about this issue? Regarding Mom's knees, do they hurt because of her weight? Take her walking if you can, its a great way to keep the pounds down [I need to take my own advice].
Reading that your Mom was never lived on her own reminded me of my own Mom. My Mom hated being on her own any time Dad was on a business trip or in the hospital. Then it dawned on me, Mom and all her sisters lived at home until they were married.
Welcome to the forum :)
YOU ARE A CAREGIVER!
Not only are caregivers required to do all these things and be NICE, they must not allow their care recipients to know you are a caregiver!
Welcome!
Welcome.
If your mom is physically and mentally healthy, she is able to manage personal hygiene, cook for herself if needed, manage her finances, communicate, get around on her own, keep her room clean, etc., then I would have to say no, you do not give her care. She is a “boarder” but technically not in your care.
What sort of forum are you looking for?