In March my dad got diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He has went down hill fast. My step mom is his “care taker”, but I don’t feel like she is doing a good job. Here’s why.
He has went through chemo and can barely walk to the bathroom alone. He is super constipated and hasn’t used the bathroom in days. They initially gave him morphine for pain. He has a feeding tube. He had an allergic reaction to the morphine. His lips were swollen. He tried to tell her that and she complains that she couldn’t tell it was happening. She fusses at him and screams at him if he asks her for anything, a towel etc. when feeding him through his tube she pushes the food or medicine as fast as she can. My dad just sits there and cries all day. And she yells at him for it. The doctor gave him different pain medicine, but it doesn’t seem strong enough. He can’t work and she refuses to work. He asked me to help him sign up for disability etc. but she refuses to give me the paper work that I need. She made the comment the other day that she was going to have my sister come sit with him so she could sleep. But she didn’t cause she was worried she would give him extra pain medicine. He has finished chemo. My step mom packed him up in the car the other day and they drove to North Carolina. She didn’t ask his doctors if he could or not. He gets sick and ends up in the hospital there. She never called me. I found out about it on Facebook. Then I call her to see what they said and she acts like it’s nothing. She literally laughs and acts like it’s completely fine. He had kidney surgery the other day and they put a stent in. He bled at lot today and she laughed at it when I called. We can’t talk to him, nothing. She is also living off “donations” people are giving her. She laughed yesterday cause some woman sent her $200. I can’t handle this. The kidney doctor came back by to see him today and she told me he didn’t tell her anything. I don’t know what to. I have to watch what I say or do because she won’t let me see him if it makes her mad. Please help!
It is good that you have answered what other caregivers have asked.
You can get help with your question the more information you can give.
Can you tell us your Dad's age? It will help with the disability part of your question. If you are in the U.S., at age 65, Social Security benefits are no longer called disability.
In the meantime, maybe cooperating and supporting Stepmom in the things she does right will help her trust you. When morphine is involved, it is best that other family members do not administer it without permission from the primary caregiver. She should be locking it up maybe.
"Crying all day and night." "He also cannot speak for himself".
Has your Dad also had a stroke?
Call an elder law attorney, see nelf.org, file for emergency guardianship?
Definitely call APS. That's a start because the step-mother has become a danger to the father now.
It must be very hard to watch or hear from the sidelines. A heartbreaking time. Where not much is in your control.
The worst situation is when family members fight over caring. Take opposing sides, wrestle for control or micro-manage. You certainly don't want that to be your Dad's memories of his family.
Keeping Dad centre to his own care is key.
Your step-mom could be suffering from sleep deprivation.
"She made the comment the other day that she was going to have my sister come sit with him so she could sleep."
Why is it that you could not have sat with your Dad?
Maybe dad wanted to go to NC. Maybe there are no restrictions on travel. Even without POA you can call the doc to tell what is going on. Doc will not tell you what is up with dad without him signing a HIPPA release. But, if what you tell him is alarming, doc could very well call APS.
Pain meds will cause constipation. But it sounds like he needs a softener and maybe a trip to the er. Is he on hospice?