I have a lot of chronic illnesses and multiple Dr. visits a month. I fall frequently and just shattered my humerus and elbow. The surgeon gave me severe nerve damage during the surgery and I can't use my left arm anymore. Neither one showed up for the surgery. My son has brought me a few of his leftover dinners. Mostly things I'm not allowed to eat, but, I always say thank you and am thrilled when he comes by. Even he doesn't come much anymore and said it's a burden for him to take me to appointments and testing. My daughter told me she doesn't care if I end up under a bridge (she lives in a 5 bed house) and hopes I die by the end of this year. My feelings are crushed and I cry all the time.
I can only imagine the trauma your daughter had. And your son seems like he doesnt want to help but does something so he doesnt feel guilty.
There are resources for a person to be taken to appointments and get food. You will have to make your own way and stop trying to force your kids to do for you. Your comment about your daughters 5 bedroom house speaks volumes.
If you can get around, feed yourself, give yourself your own medications...
you would do fine in assisted living.
If you need help getting into bed, the shower, or onto the toilet; feeding or dressing yourself; remembering which medications to take....
you probably need a skilled nursing facility.
Talk to your insurance company about what you qualify for - private pay. Medicare, Medicaid... and ask for their help in getting you placed.
please take care of yourself. Make certain all the legal stuff is done. Living will, will, Durable POA , medical POA , … call your local county office of aged and disabilities for guidance and help…
hugs
that doesn't mean you need it at this time, but it's good to have all your bases covered.
good luck!
You shouldn't judge other posters for commenting on subjects they know about.
I bet her "bratty kids" as you call them, would light you up with their side of the story.
It is he!! for everyone involved when bi-polar is present and sometimes you have to walk away or be devoured by the person with the disease.
You should do some research, it will help you understand better what has been said.
Having placed 4 people in a home of one kind or another, I know what I want, I have planned for the expenses. Where I live there are some beautiful facilities, in fact I still have 2 LO's in homes now, very nice ones, modern and well maintained.
You are wise to start planning for your future! Good Luck!
My daughter told me she "didn't have time for me in her life because she works" and then proceeded to "ghost" me. After a while, I had the courage to disconnect and move 1500 miles away..............she is now in my rear view mirror and I have worked through the grieving process. Narcissism is truly an incurable disease.
I am sorry you have experienced this.
That being said, you are wise to start looking at safer living options for yourself.
Making these decisions for yourself NOW (before a fall or other catastrophic medical event) prevents decisions being made FOR you. This gives you choices and control.
I would contact your local senior center. They may have case managers who could guide you. I did a quick Google search and found a list of at least 2 local senior centers and several senior housing options as well as an assisted living/memory care center (Manor Care) located in your town.
I would also recommended contacting aplaceformom. Their website has lots of info as well as staff who can help you over the phone or online.
Whatever you do, DON’T GIVE UP!
I had a friend tell me once that, with regard to her family, she had to learn to stop putting money into an empty vending machine. The machine was never going to give her the soft drink she wanted!! Their attitudes and actions are theirs alone and not a judgment of YOU.
You deserve to be safe, cared for and as independent as possible for as long as possible. Don’t accept anything less.
it’s up to the doctor im sure to qualify your for assisted living or skilled.
Are you going to come back?
Is there something else we can help you with?
Is your senior center still open?
Are you going to physical therapy for your arm?
You raised two kids who seem to be doing alright in their adult lives, and you should be very proud. You can't prevent health crises from happening, but having resources (emotional and otherwise) to deal with them -- other than your children -- would be best for YOU. And I think your close relationships would improve as well.
I didn't see anything about your specific short-term needs (transportation to medical appts and housing?), but I'm inferring that you don't have much income. If you're in the U.S., there are lower-income senior HUD apartments. My dad's place has shuttle buses, social opportunities, and other perks. Your local social work agencies can help you here. More social opportunities would provide more social support, too, which strikes me as your most significant need overall. Please clarify if I'm off-base here.
Having resources, also known as a support system is a necessity with falling, surgery, needing food delivered, and dealing with a chronic illness.
Family is hard-stressed to step up overall in these trying times for everyone.
You may need supervised living of some sort, but not assisted living. Because Assisted Living does not provide the specialized care you need, or may need in the near future. Even if you need supervision occasionally, you still need the extra help, and it appears both of your children are no longer available for that.
They just aren't.
Take charge of the care you need, while you are still able to choose your own housing.
I suggest contacting NAMI.org for housing options. Maybe a board & care home for the elderly may be right for you. I think it is called "Supportive Housing".
As for your adult children, change your expectations of them so you won't live in disappointment, crushed feelings, and tears any longer. You can have a good life surrounding yourself with peers who understand your challenges are different than the average aging person. And others, professionals who can help you get services and help you to live more independently from your family.
Taking medication can also help improve your attitude. Don't be offended by me saying this. I think you are unaware of your attitude. It comes with Bipolar.
For example:
Your son has brought you meals. 😊
(Somehow, that does not meet your needs, it is not good enough, but you say thank you anyway, and you are "thrilled?".) 🙄
1) few dinners
2) leftover dinners
3) stuff you should not be eating
4) 😟
If your response to this is anger, when it is meant for your benefit, you may require more help than you know. Yet, you appear very wise to even be asking this question.
In the meantime, everyone needs a few meals delivered at times. This has been a greater challenge for more people since the pandemic. With prices rising, you are not alone if needing some food assistance. Try Meals on Wheels delivery. Contact your Senior Center to arrange for that. The benefit is that each day, you will be greeted by someone at your door, around the same time, a human "hello" can go a long way towards alleviating your isolation.
So try it-even if you cannot eat all that professionally prepared food, delivered by people who have a heart for volunteering.
You have had rejection....I believe you deserve better. And must attempt to arrange this on your own, with a little help from professionals and referrals.
Login to NAMI.org and find a local chapter near you.
https://aging.georgia.gov/locations
So we are down to where you can live safely.
ALF would be good fit for you and often people reside there even if/though they are confined to w/c. Often they have appointment days, in my brother's facility was on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and the small bus transported seniors to appointments. Means are available. And levels of care are paid for on top of the fee.
You are looking at a hefty monthly fee for both your room and your level of care. For my brother it was 4,500 several years ago. That does include transportations (within limits) and meals and cleaning, laundry and he was on level one meaning basically self caring for dressing, showering and etc.
I don't think you would do well in a nursing home, as you are quite mentally quick, and most there are not.
You may do well with hiring some help in to clean and cook, but again, it is costly. Think about 30.00 an hour if from agency and sometimes minimal hours required, say 4 hours a day three times a week.
I wish you good luck.
Begin to explore the options. You will find care facilities will be nosy about your assets. There's no reason not to give them ball park idea of what you have; remember, they are a business.
I wish you good luck.
Really depends on ur needs and finances. Assisted Living is not paid for my Medicaid. You pay privately. Other option would be LTC which Medicaid may pay for with a Drs recommendation and you fit their criteria.