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@lizzywho61 right. I was at work, but was filled in when I came back home. His doctor advised not to go for intubation, suggested hospice, and my partner's father is doing the paperwork for hospice as we speak. It's expected that he's going to be staying in the hospital for several days, probably longer than my partner's finals will last. Basically, he's going to suffocate sooner or later, which is terrifying, but the goal is to keep him comfortable and at home until that time comes.
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@freqflyer of course i still want to tell him. that doesn't mean i'm going to.

i absolutely jumped to conclusions about hospice, the only times i've ever experienced it was with a friend who lived a little under a week after the fact, and my grandfather who stuck around for a month.
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I read your post again. Hospice is being "discussed". No one has made a decision I am assuming. The patient may have been presented with the choice of some aggressive treatments or Hospice as an alternative to those treatments. There are a lot of blanks that need to be filled in here. As someone mentioned above unless you were in on all the discussions at the hospital all the information may not be available to you. I am so sorry you feel stuck in the middle of what sounds like an emotional time. You mentioned you were going to keep quiet for now. That sounds like a good plan. It does sound like you came in and caught boyfriends Mom in a weak moment.

Stay Strong.
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kallboe, still sounds like you want to tell your boyfriend that his Dad is dying. Seriously, it doesn't matter how long you have been with your boyfriend. It is up to his mother to give him the news once she finds out more.

You don't want your boyfriend to resent you if you gave him the news and he couldn't focus on his college exams. Hospice patients have been known to live on for many months.
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It seems like the only reason anyone has for me not telling him is I'm "not family". I know my boyfriend is going to be upset with me for not telling him as soon as I found out. But, I respect his mom. Unless he asks, I don't plan on telling him. As of now I'm avoiding him around the house, so he doesn't see my puffy/red/tear streaked face and know something's up. I usually go to bed much earlier than he does, so that won't be a chance for me to break down either.

Thank you to those of you who offered me support as opposed to accusing me of "blabbing" and ruining my boyfriend's future or not being a part of the family (I am a part of the family. They've told me so, and I don't have any other family so what's a girl to do.)

I'm only 21, I thought maybe some of you guys would be older and more mature. That's why I came here. I wasn't really looking for any form of judgement, maybe some understanding, but mostly some kind advice. The news broke my heart.
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@jeannegibbs - Respectfully, I don't think my marital status changes any aspect of this. I've been with my boyfriend for a very long time, and if either of us believed in marriage, I would be his wife. All our married friends have been together for a shorter span of time than we've been.

That being said, I've chosen to keep quiet unless he asks me if I know anything he doesn't. He's already asked me if I knew anything, and I didn't.
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Kallboe,
Don't tell your boyfriend. Let him get through his finals. Someday, when you are much older you will probably understand where we are coming from.

I agree his Mom should not have told you. But it's her decision that your boyfriend not know until he gets home.
You do not want to be responsible for him blowing his finals. Let him get home safe. Let his family break the bad news.

My family just went through this situation after the first of the year with my brother in law and his 2 kids.

All my best. This is going to be very hard.
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There is no point in letting him know unless his father is on his deathbed. That does not appear to be the case. Your bf's mother wants him to be able to focus on his finals, which I think is a good idea. I am sure she will call him if there is a crisis and he needs to come home. I think it's okay to say that the father is still not doing well if it comes up. You don't have to lie. Just wait until after the tests to talk about the details. I'm sure your bf's mother knows that her husband's life is nearing the end, but her son's future lays ahead of him. The finals are important to both bf and mother.
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Don't tell him. That is his mother's job. If/when you are his wife, it will be your job.
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There's nothing your boyfriend can do to change the situation - not in the next three days anyhow. I also imagine his mother told you in confidence and trusted you to respect her wishes - if you ever want to have even a decent relationship with this woman - do not break her trust. I can't get why she told you in the first place - perhaps she's just overwhelmed.

Anyhow - it's not your place to tell your boyfriend, that right and decision is his mothers. It might be different if the dad was expected to pass any moment but it doesn't sound like that's the diagnosis. Nothing good will come of you blabbing what was told you in confidence- your boyfriend will possibly blow his finals and his mom will know you can't be trusted and likely hold a grudge for a long, long - long time.
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His family has known him much longer than you have, and they also understand his dad's health status much more fully than you do. I think you are imagining imminent death and your boyfriend being devastated about missing his dad's final moments, but being admitted to hospice does not mean he is dying tomorrow. It is unfortunate that this confidence has put you in the middle, but I'm sure if there a drastic decline the family will let him know, in the mean time respect their wish to spare him this news until he finishes his exams.
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Kallboe, keep yourself incredibly busy until the weekend so that you don't burst a blood vessel. And arrange with your boyfriend's mother for *her* to call him on Saturday morning and explain what's going on.

Nothing in life is certain, but I would expect your boyfriend's father to hold out 'til then at least - hospice and end of life care discussions do mean "terminal" but they don't by any means mean "imminent." And if, God forbid, the worst should happen then the college's compassionate leave exceptions will swing into action and they'll deal with it.

I agree with you on the not keeping bad news from people, but I can't help thinking that if your boyfriend really wanted to know his antennae would have twitched and he'd have asked. I'm sure he *does* want to know - just not as much right now as he wants to concentrate on his finals. Keep your counsel, and keep busy.

I must say, though, I think your boyfriend's mother didn't do you any favours sharing this with you. Is she short of people to confide in or something?
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