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Some elders just don’t understand that doctor’s can’t fix everything . My in laws act surprised when that happens . Recently my FIL was in ICU and I was walking with DH down the hall . My DH commented about two patients we passed that looked very old on respirators. My husband said please don’t save me if I’m like that .
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Because of the moral/spiritual component and the vulnerability for having something like this abused... this should be something set up in advance by each person, similar to a Advance Healthcare Directive: ie, others don't get to decide to take this route for someone else, but each person can choose it for themselves in when they are in their right minds and when certain conditions are in play.
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Abzu00 Jul 2023
I agree, hopefully in the future death is not such a scary topic to engage with. Though I do think at a certain point things may get to the point where funds will not be present to allow people to "live" the way they want at the expense of others be it family or tax payers.

I think we are getting close to the point where we may have to put our foot down with care expectations and what is covered going forward. Was looking at what the facility bills, granted they do not get the full amount but it is crazy how much medcaid pays.
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One of the biggest issues is food in America is worse then in many places in the World. Good food can equal good health.
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It’s not sustainable and I personally would rather be allowed to have the option for assisted suicide than die a horrible painful death .
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AndSoItGoes Jul 2023
I wholeheartedly agree--though I don't think we would need "assisted" suicide if the medical profession hadn't brought all medicines under their paternalistic control. Many doctors boast about having what they need tucked away for when the time comes, but the rest of us, without dr. friends and prescription pads, will have to grind through or roll the dice with something less reliable.
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I believe in death with dignity. It’s what I want for myself. I don’t believe that families should end a loved one’s life merely for their convenience or to save their inheritance.

My view is that I, while cognizant, should study and understand my right to direct my next-of-kin to follow the instructions I’ve set on record. That would be doctor-assisted death when my quality of life can’t meet the standards I’ve previously decided upon.

I also advocate that each person upon reaching Medicare age or before should be counseled by their doctors about their right to die.

People need education for old age. The current model where they never think about who’s going to support them when they’re in decline isn’t working. We have generations of worn-out family caregivers that almost no one cares about. We have sick elders with no money who expect the government (Medicaid) to provide nursing care into their 100s. That’s not fair to taxpayers.
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Abzu00 Jul 2023
Proper education is important I agree. Often people worry about old age after it is really too late to do anything meaningful.

Which then puts the burden on the government, and I just cannot see how that can be sustainable for the long haul.
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I'm not crazy about the idea of families opting to end their parents' lives. I do think that people are living longer and not always for the better, but I know people with severely handicapped children who might say the same. I think that people are important, even when they're really, really inconvenient.
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patpaul Jul 2023
"I'm not crazy about the idea of families opting to end their parents' lives."

NO KIDDING!!! Lord help us. Where would that end?
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"Guess the question is what life are we pursing for our elderly with dementia?"

That's not a question that needs to be asked. A good question to be asked is:

What if someone (like maybe you someday) is diagnosed with dementia but it is found out some time later that it's not dementia but another condition that has been easily and successfully treated?

What if there are new drugs for dementia that slow the progression? (like the most recent breakthrough for Alzheimer's)

You never want give up hope because situations can change for the better. Not always but it's always better to be on the safe side. I've seen it with my own eyes. It is sustainable. It doesn't take a whole village to care for one dementia patient.
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Abzu00 Jul 2023
Idk my mom is a handful, I could not imagine taking care of her by myself. Based off stories I have heard from others dementia is not really something one or two people can handle on their own. It takes an entire care team.

I understand about hope, but has their even been a drug that reverses the damage already caused after years of having the disease? Like the ALZ drug it slows progression in early cases, not much is said about impact on those that have already suffered for years and have progressed. It is great for newly diagnosed and future diagnosed but sadly does not do much for those that have progressed. Unless I misunderstood the data.

The sustainable part also comes from places telling me they do not accept cases like my mother because last thing they need is people leaving the job because they do not want to deal with verbal name calling. My mom is in her early 60's, she can go another 20 years maybe 30. That is a long time. It is not cheap caring for someone that long. Is that really sustainable?

I get it though this is just my morbid thoughts everyone is different and I am not trying to sway people one way or another. I am glad you do not seem to have such thoughts and have a system that works for you.
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That's really a sick idea. Everyone life is priceless and should be protected at any cost. In fact what I just said is stated in the US Declaration of Independence - that the only reason government is created to "secure life" (and liberty and pursuit of happiness.). You throw out these statements which you believe are facts but the reality is life in practice does not work that way at all.

If you want to do something good for the world learn about good health and teach other people how to engage in healthy behaviors as early as possible. 70+% of adults in the US are overweight and obese. If you want to know who is responsible for 80% of the healthcare costs, it's these people. That certainly may not be sustainable but it is totally preventable.
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Abzu00 Jul 2023
Guess the question is what life are we pursing for our elderly with dementia? What do they truly have to look forward? I know it is sore subject, but the situation with my mom got me thinking. What exactly am I fighting for so hard for? What life will my mother really have in a facility where the caregivers hate her guts. Who is to say the next facility will not hate her guts due to her verbal abuse.

Why I am fighting to waste funds prolonging the life of a person that will not be happy unless she is with her family 24/7 and that is something we cannot do.

I love my mom and I will fight tooth and nail but it just does not seem very logical of me tbh.

I do agree we need to better educate people on healthy habits, proper saving, and proper retirement strategies.

I also do feel how we currently care for the elderly is not 100% sustainable, and if we keep on this road something will have to change like it or not.
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WOW..kinda don't get me started on some of these topics.
People do not save. The mindset now is Social Security will be my retirement income. Social Security was NEVER intended to be the sole source of retirement income.

Now the add onto that is
Some parents EXPECT their children to support them
Some children support their parents to the detriment of their retirement savings.

Another "problem" is doctors that want to test, test, treat, treat and fail to accept that there is no cure, there is not going to be a quality of life yet they treat, treat and test some more.
My logic is If there is no point in curing why test or treat? (I am talking someone with Dementia being subjected to a colonoscopy or other testing that may result in a diagnosis that will require either more testing or extreme treatment.

There is nothing wrong with death. We are kinda all going that route. It is another "fact of Life" that no one wants to talk about. (sorta like the sex talk that no one wants to give or get)

I remember sitting next to my Husband the last week of his life and I was holding his hand and talking to him (he was not aware at this point) and I said I was going to miss him and I was crying and it suddenly dawned on me that I was crying what I called "selfish tears". I say selfish because for me to want him to continue to exist the way he was was not fair to him. He would not have wanted to live the last even 2 or 3 years the way he did if he had had anything to say about it.

Abzu00 your thoughts are not morbid. They are valid and insightful
Sounds like you have a good Support Group
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Geaton777 Jul 2023
True, many people don't save at all or enough, but those who did diligently and sacrificially save are reaching retirement now and having their savings outstripped by the rising costs of just about everything. I bet few financial advisors anticipated this rate of increase when doing the planning back then.
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