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I am not a doctor, but it sounds like post nasal drip or GERD. Both will give you the symptom you are talking about. Find a new doctor - sounds like she is the one who needs to take medication.
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Time to strike back! Clear your throat loudly whenever he sucks his teeth. Battle of the wills!
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GG, you recently had to go to do some caregiving for your late mom and then again to attend her funeral (If I recall correctly, your husband didn't want you to leave, using his "I'm the head of this family" mantra).

How did you manage that trip? Did he go to respite care or did you have caregivers come in?

Are all of his (and your) legal documents in place, i.e., will, POA, living will? Have you seen an eldercare attorney about getting him qualified for Medicaid, if that is how his care is going to be paid for? Do you realize that as the Community Spouse, you will be protected and not impoverished?

His dementia is only going to get worse. What are your plans for the future?
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graygrammie Sep 2020
Dh went with me both before mom's passing and after she passed. We were only back home for 18 hours when I got the call she'd passed so it was a very quick turnaround. He is not to the place of needing caregivers. As long as we stay in the same familiar hotel, he is okay.

Yes, legal documents are in place, I just reviewed them again a few weeks ago. Have not seen an eldercare attorney or even thought about Medicaid. I will look into that.

He saw a pulmonologist today, referred by rheumatologist. He refused all diagnostic tests and the doctor pointed out that the possibility of a ventilator would be very real if he doesn't allow himself to receive the care he needs. He told the doc, nope, no ventilator, just let me go. Doc looked at me and asked if this has been discussed between us and do we have the proper documentation in place. I affirmed we did.

My plans for the future are one day at a time right now. He asked me a few weeks ago to promise to never put him in a nursing home. I was silent. The next day I broached the topic and told him that I could not make that promise but that I would do what was best for him in conjunction with our kids.
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Built walls in your mind medication is bad. Old school thinking. I went through times like yours and yes Lexipro helps. It took about two weeks for it to begin to help. I have had it for a while and no side effects.I take it in the form of ecitalopram. When you are caring for some one it can effect you very seriously.Always check with your Dr. after about 3 weeks and see how you are feeling.
You can looks on Webmed and pic the pill section. I tells you about the med.
Thank you for reading and I hope this helped. Jane Osborne
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Grammie,

I am so sorry that your husband has caused so much pain and stress in your life.
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GG, thanks for the update.

A very wise poster here, JeanneGibbs, cared for her husband Coy during his long battle with Lewy Body dementia. She alsways said "I can't promise not to put you in a nursing home, but I will never abandon you". It has always struck me as being a wise and compassionate response. And I seem to recall her mentioning thay she was greatly helped by a low dose of antidepressant.

GG, if there is one thing Ive learned in life, it is that it's usually not the most troubled person in a relationship who seeks treatment, it's the one who realizes that they must adjust their thinking to deal with the situation. Meds and talk therapy both help with this.
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graygrammie Sep 2020
Thank you for this wisdom.
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GG, antidepressants don't make you have brain fog. At least that was not my experience with them on several occasions.

I have parented, driven, and graduated from Grad school with honors while on ADs.

If DH can golf and you think you can do without caregivers, then you can leave for several hours during the day and take a walk in the park. Or visit your therapist. Or sit at home and read in another room.

Your depression, which I believe your doctor picked up on, is leading you to think in very black/white terms. ADs can help with this.

The other thing that strikes me is that your marriage was apparently troubled 30 years ago (in the 90s, you say). Yet you feel that a dementia dignosis long after that fact is a reason, not only stay, which I get, but to bow down to his very illigitimate behavioral demands.

I think you are digging yourself into a hole from which you may not escape.
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BarbBrooklyn Sep 2020
GG, on case you think Im being too harsh in my answers...been there, done that.
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I don't understand why you are reluctant to at least consult with an ENT doctor. You don't have to take any tests you don't want to; but, you might gain some insight into why you are "clearing your throat" so often.

It's interesting that your husband has noticed this - his sucking his teeth may be a habit he doesn't even realize he's developed. Perhaps it's due to anxiety or some other reason.

It's puzzling that people you talk to on the phone comment on how much better your voice sounds. That doesn't make a great deal of sense if your voice has developed a hoarseness.

You may have developed a post-nasal drip, which results in your attempting to clear your throat or the air you breath may contain so little moisture that you mouth is becoming dry & you're unaware of it.

Then, it's possible there's some other reason for your voice becoming hoarse.

Personally, I think you should get checked out by an ENT specialist; but, it's your call.
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graygrammie Sep 2020
Due to the helpful responses here, I will follow through with seeing the ENT.

To clarify about the phone -- when I am not at home or dh is not at home and I talk on the phone, then people say my voice sounds better. When dh is sitting next to me, muttering and commenting and criticizing the whole way through the conversation (and he insists that some phone calls have to be in his presence, like the call to my father every night at 7:00), then my voice is hoarse. Same phones (either home or cell), same me, different circumstances.

And quite honestly, other than the grocery store and the post office, I don't talk or see anyone outside the house.

On the plus side, I am going to dgs's t-ball game today. Dh feels he is too tired / weak / in pain to sit outside to watch a t-ball game. However, if someone contacts him about golfing, he'll be out the door lickety split. He tried real hard to guilt me last night about going but I stood my ground.
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Good for you for going to the game! Enjoy!

"Insists"?

Tell him "No, that doesn't suit me any longer".

GG, you hold ALL the cards here. Where would he be if you were not there to care for him?
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GG, you are remembering to breathe, are you? It's just a thought - when we're stressed, we often don't breathe, not properly. We hold our breath and feel constricted. I wonder if that might partly explain the immediate difference in your voice.
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NeedHelpWithMom Sep 2020
It’s true. That was one of the first things my therapist told me. He said that I didn’t breathe and then I would finally gasp for air.

I was so stressed with caregiving that I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t breathing. He taught me breathing exercises that I practiced. It helped me tremendously.

This is a great point that often goes overlooked! We take breathing for granted and when we are stressed many of us aren’t breathing properly.
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A doctor suggested you to go an an anti-anxiety med for "clearing your throat?" I have never heard.

I do know allergies and acid reflux can cause it. Drainage from sinus also.
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Hi graygrammie, Breathing is an interesting function! Most of us do not realize that we hold our breath and stop breathing many times during the day. I am one of those. I have copd and use a c-pap and am constantly being reminded to BREATH. During stressful situations, or even anticipating the stress to come, I have come to recognize this pattern. Our throats constrict during stress causing lack of oxygen and dryness thus affecting our ability to speak. Trying to talk in this mode creates the "hoarse sound". That is why when the source is removed we are in what I call "normal" mode. There are many methods that can help. Two of mine are a glass of water (lubrication & breathing) and simply stepping away. Go to another room, either outside or in my home and just concentrate on my beloved pets. Sometimes I stop talking or listening. Only you can determine what is your release valve. Stay strong, set firm boundaries and stick to them. I know it's not easy.
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O my dear, i am sure you need a great thorough exam and good diagnosis by a competent ENT Dr. You need to have ruled out any truly purely physical cause for your symptoms.I am so very glad that you are smart anough to reject so called anti anxiety meds.Hang in there! Never ever takr anything that could change how your precious brain works.If a good check up shows no physical reason for your symptoms, take sublingual methyl B12 every morning and eat a lot of magnesium rich foods such as nuts and spinach every day.Good food is good medicineDrink a lot of whole milk and eat at least one whole egg every day.Eat a lot f organic berries, fruits, and veggies every day.Never ever take lexapro nor anthing else like it. God bless you1
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