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I am new here. I am a long distance caregiver, going down to CA to stay with my mom and step-dad for a week or two twice a year to get a "boots on the ground" assessment of their situation.
My mom has had three, maybe more "mini-strokes" in the past several years. Her judgement and behavior has changed dramatically in the past several months. She has refused to go to the doctor for the tests needed to determine what has been going on. I described her behavior and confusion to her doctor and he said she is experiencing "executive function" deficits.
She and my step-dad still live at home with in-home assisted living for 4 hours three days a week. A regular housekeeper comes in on Thursdays.
My step-dad is well on his way into the long bittersweet goodbye of the "Big A". He has become a very sweet man of 92. He has been so ready to move to a skilled care community for several years now. He gave up driving only this year.
My eighty-six year old mother flat out refuses to move to what she calls "the catacombs" and gets very emotional about the thought of moving out of her home of thirty years. My mother's general confusion, poor attention span, hostility, and paranoia has turned her into a very disagreeable person. Emotionally she is sometimes like a cranky six year old child or a very pouty, sullen fourteen year old. She is also insulin dependent diabetic with severe neuropathy, severely arthritic hips and issues in her lower back. Even with a walker her steps are slow and painful. Oh, and she has occasional bowel incontinence. Last Tuesday she was supposed to go to the doctor for her quarterly review and a CT or MRI scan of her head. I went to the doctor with my step-dad and step-brother and told the DR about her two near misses, fouled underwear, and the poop I had to clean up on the carpet between the living room and bathroom.
I think she has had mini-strokes that have muddled her cognitive skills, her judgement and personality in general.
Both my step-brother and I know they should be living in a skilled care community but how do we talk my mother into it? Her refusal to move has been a horrible burden on my step-dad and she can't see how it's hurt him! I am afraid the only way one of them will move to a care community is when the other is hauled out of the house in a body bag!
I know I'm venting, but its nice to know there is an online community where I can talk to others in my situation. Fortunatly I have no kids of my own. But I do have a wonderful husband here at home. I feel like a sandwich anyway.
My 84yr. father receives hundreds of fake lotteries daily. He must pay $$ to receive the awards or winnings. He believes these are REAL. He won't believe anything I tell him. He spend all of his social security on the games. Help.
multi-infarct dementia - sometimes referred to as MID, is a deterioration in mental function which is caused by changes and/or damage to the brain from lack of oxygen as a result of a series of min-strokes that leave areas of dead brain cells. The primary symptoms are impared memory and lack of judgement - from my experience as a caregiver for a mother with MID you will find that your dad may have been compensating and hiding the problem for a while.
I hope that this helps - there are alot of resources out there, but this board is the best if you have a problem dealing with all of the information and processing how it affects you as well as your dad.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mom has had three, maybe more "mini-strokes" in the past several years. Her judgement and behavior has changed dramatically in the past several months. She has refused to go to the doctor for the tests needed to determine what has been going on. I described her behavior and confusion to her doctor and he said she is experiencing "executive function" deficits.
She and my step-dad still live at home with in-home assisted living for 4 hours three days a week. A regular housekeeper comes in on Thursdays.
My step-dad is well on his way into the long bittersweet goodbye of the "Big A". He has become a very sweet man of 92. He has been so ready to move to a skilled care community for several years now. He gave up driving only this year.
My eighty-six year old mother flat out refuses to move to what she calls "the catacombs" and gets very emotional about the thought of moving out of her home of thirty years. My mother's general confusion, poor attention span, hostility, and paranoia has turned her into a very disagreeable person. Emotionally she is sometimes like a cranky six year old child or a very pouty, sullen fourteen year old. She is also insulin dependent diabetic with severe neuropathy, severely arthritic hips and issues in her lower back. Even with a walker her steps are slow and painful. Oh, and she has occasional bowel incontinence. Last Tuesday she was supposed to go to the doctor for her quarterly review and a CT or MRI scan of her head. I went to the doctor with my step-dad and step-brother and told the DR about her two near misses, fouled underwear, and the poop I had to clean up on the carpet between the living room and bathroom.
I think she has had mini-strokes that have muddled her cognitive skills, her judgement and personality in general.
Both my step-brother and I know they should be living in a skilled care community but how do we talk my mother into it? Her refusal to move has been a horrible burden on my step-dad and she can't see how it's hurt him! I am afraid the only way one of them will move to a care community is when the other is hauled out of the house in a body bag!
I know I'm venting, but its nice to know there is an online community where I can talk to others in my situation. Fortunatly I have no kids of my own. But I do have a wonderful husband here at home. I feel like a sandwich anyway.
Thanks for listening.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/overview-symptoms-multi-infarct-dementia-110701.htm
multi-infarct dementia - sometimes referred to as MID, is a deterioration in mental function which is caused by changes and/or damage to the brain from lack of oxygen as a result of a series of min-strokes that leave areas of dead brain cells.
The primary symptoms are impared memory and lack of judgement - from my experience as a caregiver for a mother with MID you will find that your dad may have been compensating and hiding the problem for a while.
I hope that this helps - there are alot of resources out there, but this board is the best if you have a problem dealing with all of the information and processing how it affects you as well as your dad.