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My 72 yo mother thinks that the young (younger than she is) meals on wheels guy wants to make whoopee with her. All because this guy gave her a hug because of my dad being sick and in the hospital. (he also mentioned that he would come over every day to give her a hug when he dropped off her meal). Some may not think that this is funny but I do.
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I am writing this for Early Bird. I am her niece and help her care for my Grandmother. One day we were at the Patriots training camp and it was too hot that day for my grandmother to be out. I was with my Grandmother in the hotel lobby. My grandmother had a bottled water that my Aunt gave her. I looked over and the water was gone. So I said to my grandmother "good job drinking your water." I then noticed her pants were soaked. I took her into the ladies room, took her pants off to dry them, but they didn't have a hand dryer, so I asked them for a hair dryer. I'm in the bathroom drying her pants with the hair dryer while she is sitting on the pot. I completely dried her pants and put them back on her. We then went back out and sat in the lobby. I gave her another bottle of water. I looked over at my Grandmother and couldn't believe what I had seen. My Grandmother (who knew what she was doing) poured the whole thing of water down her pants to make it look like she drank her water and then urinated. I didn't get mad, I said "no no no Gram. What are you doing? You're all wet." A nearby waitress saw what my Grandmother had done the same time I had seen what was happening. She was kind and ran over to us with a bunch of napkins and another bottle of water.
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Fair warning if you are offended by an off-color story...

I took my MIL to the salon to get her hair done. She was very happy with how it looked - enough so that she wanted to go to church the next day.

As my husband was pushing her wheelchair into the church, a member of the church held the door open for them. He commented to my MIL about how good her hair looked that day.

She beamed with pride and told him, "I went to the salon yesterday and got a blow job."

My husband said the look on the poor man's face was priceless. My MIL didn't realize what she said but my husband did explain, "Blow dry."
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JuliaRose Jul 2019
That is so innocent and funny!

My husband says the same thing! We laugh about it because it started off as a joke/slight memory issue but now he can’t remember the name of the hair dryer anymore so it is the “blow job machine.” Thankfully, no caregiver other than myself is involved in this aspect of his care!
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Aunt Iris refused to do rehab. We sent her to the other end of the facility to stay. I came to see her from out of state every 2 to 3 weeks. It was hard to get her to understand why she should cooperate (or hard for me to understand what she was thinking.) Every visit ended with her agreeing to do what was needed so she could go home again. When I returned, she had not done nothing and delightfully tell me so. (Once is was, "There is no way is no way in (H-e-double toothpicks)that she was going. ") So this goes on for quite a while. One particular visit she looks at me and says, "I know what's wrong with me." I was so surprised all I could do was say, "You do?" and stare at her waiting to hear her response. She says, " I have a clear case of............. Jackass-itis!". (Holy crap, that was funny!)
I have referred to that remark whenever times got difficult. We all need a way to "lighten up" from the weight of care-giving responsibility!
Thank you Aging Care for getting me through!!
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The other day I asked my 99 year old gram with dementia how old she was she says back to me "I'm closer to 200 now". Usually when I ask her how old she is she says 80. I just thought that was so funny in a time when a lot of our exchange is not so great. One day at a time.
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My 86 year old mom is surprisingly technical and can manage the iPhone we got her pretty well.  She has more issues than Good Housekeeping but so far, no signs of dementia.  So the other day I get a text:

'No Phone'

I reply - do you mean you can't call out?

'No charge' was the reply

Well mom, plug it in, the charger is wrapped around the bed rail.  if you can't reach it call the nurse

'They moved me to a new room' she said

Ok, then buzz the nurse to have someone go to your old room and get your charger

'I have the charger' she says

So buzz the nurse to send someone to plug in the phone

'I can't, the call button is on the floor'!

I immediately started singing in my office "there's a hole in the bucket dear Liza, dear Liza, there's a hole in the bucket dear Liza a hole"!  I never did figure out the real problem but I think 90 day Fiance or Married at First Sight came on so she was distracted!
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My mother did it again. I left the room for a few minutes and my brother was watching her. I thought she drank all her water and I was concerned about her intake, because she was recently started on Lasix a few weeks ago ,and we do not want her to get dehydrated. I was praising her for drinking all her water and she was smiling at me. My niece and I went to get her up to the commode and her blouse was soaked. We smelled the blouse but it smelled like water. I asked my mother if she poured the water on herself to make me think she drank all her water and she nodded yes with a guilty look. I told her I was not upset at her and she should tell me the truth when she is sick of water and I would get her something else. She was so cute, how could anyone get mad at her.
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