I don't want to be a caregiver anymore. I've been doing this for 7yrs with no help, support, nothing. I'm worn out, stressed, my life has been put on hold, social life doesn't exist. This has been placed on me while my brothers live their lives. I'm tired of the drama, negativity constantly being lied on, put into drama, disrespected by the very person I'm caring for. I've been called almost every name in the book. I'm just done always being the bad guy.
Anyway, what is the back story of how caregiving was "placed" on you? Are you a female? How many brothers?
If you don't start taking care of yourself, and quit letting your family use and abuse you, you will end up in being in the statistics where the caregiver dies before the one they're caring for.
And after you get settled in your new place, take a nice long vacation, and don't answer your phone. Best wishes.
You should...no I actually mean you NEED to place mom if not permanently then you need to place her for Respite.
This is 20/20 hindsight but when she was due to be released from the hospital you should have said...she is not safe at home, I can no longer handle her care. The hospital Social Worker would then have been able to provide some help in locating a Rehab for her that MIGHT have led to permanent placement.
This is still a possibility you can talk to her doctor and say that she needs rehab and have her placed.
If mom is eligible for Hospice you would have help that would come in several times a week to help you as well as the equipment and supplies you need. AND big bonus. Medicare covers about 1 week of Respite per year for Hospice patients. If she is eligible for Hospice PLEASE take advantage of that.
These are tough calls to make. Many people look at placing a loved one in a facility as "giving up" or "putting them away" what it is doing is providing a safe place with people that are there to provide care 24/7/365. Something that 1 person at home can not do. And this is not even getting into the safety aspect of caring for someone at home. Most homes are not built to accommodate medical equipment, more than 1 or 2 people in a bathroom with 1 using a wheelchair or other medical equipment, a shower that has a 1 or 2 inch lip on it so you can not get a wheelchair or walker into it, halls that are narrow, stairs.......
It is not giving up.
Placing mom will also allow you to be able to hold her hand, be there for support and comfort rather than worry about all the things that have to be done.
Did you make any of the calls we suggested? You know. The ones to help you get mom placed?
No one is going to do that for you. I would if I could but did you know just the act of calling is stress relieving?
Check out your options. Don’t assume you have none. I know it’s hard to make a change but not as hard as what you are doing. It’s really Okay to stop being a caregiver. You’ve given it what you had to give. You are depleted and need caregiving for yourself. Big Hugs