Can DPOA give away small items to prepare house for sale?

My 2 cents - remove all items that are in the will. Keep them out of sight so there is less possibility of arguments about these items.
Then - if appropriate - let the siblings have some other items if you mom agrees. Use one of the excellent suggestions others have given here.

When it is time for the estate sale - if there are items of value - use an estate sale company. Don't try to do it yourself. A professional usually has a good advertising system, a good email list of interested people, and, most importantly, knows how to price the items. They also give you sale documents to prove how much money there was. Then there isn't a problem of you being criticized for the amount of the proceeds or having to prove anything.
Even though the professional takes a healthy cut, they earn every penny. Sometimes you actually would come out with more money because they won't under or over price items and you would probably have more buyers that doing it yourself. And you save yourself the physical and emotional stress of doing all the work.
For my mother's estate - it was mostly junk and useless items. Not enough value for an estate sale. So, we arranged for an estate auction instead. Didn't get a lot of money, but we got some, and the auction firm agreed to clean out any remnants and leave the house broom-clean at the end. None of my siblings could complain about the proceeds and my brother and I didn't have to do all the work.

It isn't easy taking care of my mom, but after reading this, I am glad I am an only child.

At the time of my Ma going from coping to needing assisted living, there was some dispute regarding health -POA , My eldest sister who cant even look after herself had agreed to be,[my demented father chose her to care for Ma] her idea of POA was that she would sit in the ICU with Ma on a ventilator and she would decide to turn it off.. all other cares were not necessary !! Umm sorry but 90 yr olds don't go on ventilators in this country for a medical reason!. so that was one stress.. We had a family meeting, and set an agenda etc and each person had the right to answer to it, also were encouraged to bring a written response to that agenda item then they were collated and a minutes of meetings written up by the Wealth-POA and every one sign that it was what they agreed to.
Ma then got pneumonia and sped up her transfer.
So it was what did my brother want since he was overseas.. = nothing, then it was for people to come in 3wks time and take what they wanted except what was in the main bedroom. of course they took 5wks.. I chose the charity, as I refused to give to where most of any donations went to the administration. then the rest of the stuff left it became a controlled first come first served cos if you really want it, you would make sure you came. OR it could be tagged as such. the Wealth sister has a copy of the wills so she knew what was itemised but that was already in her safe keeping so not a problem there. I do have some items that if she ever regained her memory AFTER world war 2, that she might be interested in looking at, but that doesn't seem to be happening.
Guess having poor parents helps here. tho it seems eldest sister got given lots of cash prior to the Pa dying.. which she then conveniently forgot about..
Being poor myself I just find it funny. Agree with the answers above, try to sort out what your mother would want on her good days.. and let the rest just disappear

I think if you just get rid of belongings without letting other sibs in, you will be asking for a war. Sometimes things that have no real value have a deep meaning to someone else in the family. My younger sister wanted an old cigarette lighter my father use to own, her daughter wanted an old cookie tin that he had been given with cookies when it was new and it just continued to be used as the cookie tin. That had a very special memory for her. Now if I had thrown that old thing out she would have been heartbroken and angry.

Even though the burden has been placed on you to care for all her needs and act as POA, try to keep your family in tact and work out a solution. If she had a trust, did she ever fill out the paperwork inside that allowed her to give specific items to individual children? If she did, and she is not on MediCal or something that is going to request that they be paid back after her death, then I personally would just take those papers and begin to give out the specific items to whomever MOM wanted them given to. If they don't want it then they can offer it to anyone else.

We decided that everything that we had each given to Mom as a gift, would go back to that person and if they didn't want it then someone else could take it. Whatever was left over would be sold or given to a charity. Now you must realize that my Mom did not have very expensive things so there was no fighting over crystal, gold or china, etc.

The other thing you could do is ask each sibling to send you a list of items they would like to have (from memory not let them into the house) and you could go over the list and try to see if everyone wants one particular item or if it is pretty spread out. Hand out items that way. Some may get more than another but that is because they are not asking for it (my father wanted nothing from his Mom's estate.) You might ask them for a limited number of items like 20 per person and tell them it must be ranked in order of their desire. In other words list the item you want the most as item #1 and go down from there.

A relative of ours has already done this with her children and she brought them all together and started with the oldest and ask them to select one item they wanted and she wrote it down, then the next child got to chose and she wrote that down. This went on and on until there was nothing else that anyone wanted. Now none of them get these items NOW but they each know now what they will inherit when she dies.

Now as far as giving away small items, to whom are you giving them? If they are going to you or your children then there is a problem. I would suggest taking a picture of the items and posting them and telling the family siblings it is posted and if they want any of these items, speak now or forever hold your peace. I would then either sell them or I would donate them to a worthy cause.

God Bless you, this is not an easy job. My mother died last September and it is just not easy, I feel like I am still recovering!

As others have suggested, I would try and get more details from Mom as to what she meant in getting rid of "stuff". What she would see as "stuff" having little sentimental or financial worth, might be very different to you, and her other adult children/grandchildren. For example, before she died, the grandmother of a friend of mine asked my friend if there was anything he would want from the house after she died. My friend told her that all he would want was a depression glass butter dish with a tin top. Not because of any financial value it might have, but because he had always been fascinated with it from childhood on as it was a part of him visiting grandma and having meals with her. It brought up fond memories of his grandmother for him. She probably just saw it as "some old butter dish" she'd had forever, as she was surprised that's all he wanted! There might be seemingly "trivial" household items that would hold personal meaning for you and your siblings. If your mom and you need all the funds you can get for her care, then that might necessitate sale of ALL items. If this was the case you might tell your sibs that "mom needs money for her care, including anything she can obtain from the sale of these household item.. Unless you (your siblings) plan on depositing money in a bank account for mom now to help pay her current and future cost of care then she will need the money from the sale of these items."

What does your mom want in this regard? Does she want the siblings to be select and take items or not? You made it sound as though she stllb has her thoughts intact.

Also i found it was far easer to contact an auction house and let them come and take remaining stuff after everything you want saved is removed. They will take everything even the sheeer junk and save you a lot of time, energy and pay you besides.

POA can be a one page document, or it can have all sorts of things added to it. In my case, this man and his wife, got a POA against my friends father (at the Villages) that was 27 pages long. He could get credit cards in the father's name, and use them, take out loans, mortgage the house, sell anything and everything. The people that are "cons" know how to manipulate the elderly. He even had the man's will changed and his son got NOTHING, and he was his ONLY heir.

This is what I would do, but you're free to do anything you want to do, obviously.

1.) Review with your mother what is on the Personal Property List and if she wants to add anything else. Are the items on the Personal Property List in her will left to specific family members? Is there anything left after the items on the Personal Property List that are worth anything?

2.) Remove everything on the Personal Property List from the house to a secure location, and don't tell your siblings what that secure location is.

3.) Ask your siblings to write down which items they are interested in. Explain to them that opening the door to her house is not going to be a free-for-all & opportunity for them to get into a fight over their mother's possessions.

4.) Bring the list to your mother. Have her decide who is going to get what is left over from the Personal Property List in the will.

Additionally, I would get more concrete directions from your mother other than "get the house ready for sale". Ask her SPECIFICALLY if she wants to put the house on the market, when she wants to do that, how much she wants to ask for the house. Also let her know that the ALF/SNF is going to take EVERY PENNY of what she gets from the sale of the house, and when it's all gone then she'll go on Medicaid. Telling you to "get rid of stuff" is far different from putting the house on the market. You don't technically have to "get rid of stuff" to sell your house. Ask her if she wants you to meet with a real estate agent to put the house on the market or if this is just a "de-cluttering" move because she thinks she is going to return to her house at some point.

Sending good thoughts your way. I am the one doing it all and am fortunate that there really is nothing left. However it was a different story when Dad died. My brothers are still annoyed at me for selling Dad's car and guns as my mother requested. My brother wanted me to ship the guns via fed ex to him in another state. I had to fly to East Coast and only had so much time.

Whatever your mother has listed for
Them, as you said "put in your basement , give to them when you have time ".

You are the POA, you are handling "all" the hard work, amongst now dealing with preparing to get the home & items sold to have enough money
For her care .

They "all" had opportune times to handle this job as a POA, and it is an actual job .

If they don't like it, too bad. "Your mothers care is the main priority , not greedy siblings stepping forward wanting this/that Bologna ".

You already made a smart statement, put the items in your basement that your mom requested for them....."and work on getting the rest sold, because then you have to get it on the market and go through all of that as well"!

Been in this position your in with my mother in law , now have last parent (FIL) under our roof , and I'll be damned if we go through that nightmare again dealing with siblings more than capable to care for a parent but chose not too!

somewhat like what my grandmother did

This is just my idea. I would pack up all the small things that have no sentimental value or money value..things like old clothes, shoes, sheets, towels, knick knacks, old tvs etc and bring them to the church rummage sale. That should clear out quite a bit. Give siblings a list of items that have already been placed in the will as off limits (you don't have to tell them whose getting what), then they pick a number and in that order they choose one item at a time. Once they have all chosen an item, the first person pick another item. It may take a while but at least its fair and no one gets left out. Of course I would do this after mom has left the house so she isn't privy to any fighting or arguments. I would also suggest that you inform them that you will do this when you are ready and at your convenience. Also advise them that if they cannot behave like mature adults and since they didn't want to bother with caring for your mom, if you have any trouble, as POA you will send it all to the rummage sale. My friends mom put names under all her items for particular children so they would know who was getting what and she told them what she put their name on. Just an idea.

What to do if POA appointed when Mom fully alert, but now months later shows signs of dementia and POA is following her advice which is not exactly truthful or what she initially intended. POA says house to be sold to pay for AL, but Mom also has another house as well.

I find that disheartening that you would not see that many of your mother's items have a history to them. The term heirloom comes to mind. jewelry, quilts, things she may have acquired via her own parents such as tatted/crocheted dresser scarves, hankies, pillow cases, clothing, table clothes. Yes...check the guts that may be inside the old world travel trunks and lane cedar chests. Might find a treasure trove of items that have stories to them and are worth keeping. Like a grandmothers wedding gown or even your uncles Christening gown....or their baby spoon sets. I have friends who found random amounts of money stashed between random pages of books in their aunts home library and other random household areas. They had no clue she hid money all over the house. So...open those books.

You may even discover an old letter from your grampap to gramma in the pages. Don't be hasty in tossing out old bank ledgers, or boxes of greeting cards..sift through them and find letters to the old country relatives...or signatures on important financial documents worth heirloom status. My dad's been gone nearly 20 years...we still have his golf clubs and bowling balls. and I recently found a box of old bank ledgers with house payment receipts for the family homestead...Heirloom Worthy.

This idealism that 'everything must be sold'...is not fair to those who would like something to remember them by from their parents belongings. Furniture, kitchen items, curtains, bed linens, handmade quilts that gramma made, jewelry, and much more should have been listed on paper and decided upon which child, grandchild gets it.

That's what my mom is doing. She's 91 and we have a growing list of her belongings that date back to items she gained from her grandmom. My mom recently sat with my daughters showing them her collection of jewelry from her youth through present. My mom told them to choose a few pieces they want and it will be logged on paper/codicil that they receive it when that time comes.

Heirloom hunt. Ask your mom about family heirlooms that she may want to gift to someone specific. Get the conversation started and allow her to say, 'So and so can have this...'. You can even use this list as a Codicil(additional modification to her Will) for those that do not live close by..like older grandkids. (these items can be hauled to a storage locker and you can keep it till that time comes after her passing to distribute them as heirlooms to the grandkids since most may be young, college bound, and don't have places of their own yet.

Allow your siblings to choose a few items from a list you and your mom set up as items to pass down to others leaving out items definitely going on the 'sale/auction block'. Set a limit as to how many items they each get depending on what it is. jewelry...if it's a complete set count it as 1 item(necklace with matching bracelet/earrings/rings). If quilts with shams...1 item right there because it's a matching set.

As per furniture...most kids won't want the furniture so another option is to find an antique dealer or two and get an offer quote from them to buy the antiques from you.

After you, your siblings, nieces/nephews, your kids, all immediate family has their max of 2,3, or 4 items each to take to continue to use(eg: kitchen items/china/dinnerware) and remember her by, put the remaining belongings up for an estate auction/sale.

I think if you refused to allow your siblings to choose a few items of remembrance...or perhaps they can take items and use them....you may find yourself on a bitter end of a contested battle between family and estate. Thereby causing a feud and anger to arise when there needn't be.

You mentioned a sewing machine...does anyone in your family have a arts and craft talent? If they are creating things with material...then they should be allowed the machine. Does anyone in the family exercise religiously...then they should have first dibs at the exercise machine. Bottom line is this...family has first dibs at things before selling anything.

Good luck with this quest. Hope I have enlightened your quandary and given you some ideas to at least lessen the possibilities of a bitter family feud.

Although I can see where some are coming from, if the mother truly wants things to stay in the family or wants to bequeath them as gifts, she has that right to do so while she is living. If she does that, then the will can be amended.

Oregongirl, you might look into Oregon law regarding who can make "final disposition of remains" decisions. In NYS family takes precedence, but there is a form to designate an individual as decisionmaker. I understand that became process years ago for same sex partners to have any rights in the decision.

Best wishes

Additional caveat after reading some previous answers... Best not to make pers prop distributions unless value is sentimental & not material. She is not deceased. Her wishes per her will are not in play yet. Those assets may yet be needed to provide for her needs as long as she survives. As I said above, there are legal ramifications. It's so sad to see people grabbing what they perceive is Their Inheritance when its actually still needed to support a still living parent. I just don't get it. So sad and inconceivably selfish.

You may want to be careful of disposing of personal property if your mom will need to go on Medicaid in the future. Perhaps a conversation with an attorney specializing in elder law would help.

Well, when my mom died, my sister and brother were at the house instead of at the hospital for a couple of days before she died. Mom was concerned for me and told me to go over there to the house as "those" kids will take it all and there will be nothing for you. She had originally appointed me Trustee and at the last minute, my brother (how I do not know) was placed as Trustee. I knew I would be out of luck, but I rather be with my mom. Well, the story ended about how you would think it would.

My partner has stated in his Will that ALL personal property is mine. Antiques included. BUT, if I sell anything, I will receipt the item. I refuse to have someone come at me after I loose him and start fighting me in public in a courtroom. It is going to be a tremendous job to sell everything. He gives away things now and then as he should. They belong to him at this point. If I wanted anything, I would speak up and that item would go to me. I spent hours going thru E-bay and checking antique prices. I will not give those away, even to the family. They will buy them if they want them. I will be on my own, by myself after he passes. I am 73. I will need as much as he can leave me to take care of MY care. ONE THING I DO NOT UNDERSTAND... I know what a POA is, but DPOA? What is the D? Being as his SON hates me, I will be changing the locks on the doors of the home. Between his niece and his son, my work is cut out for me. But, it is all in writing. I am going to make sure of one thing. I am his partner, not wife. We have been together for 8 years. He could live much longer, who knows. But, I am going to verify with the State their standing on Partnership, which I am told is recognized in Oregon. Aside from Niece and his one son, the rest of the family will be civilized. Most are in German.

You just about have a thankless job, but, as poa you are charged with safeguarding her assets and act/manage in her best interest. It's your legal duty.
You need to prepare an inventory of the property and determine its market value. Obviously there will be some items of marginal or indeterminate value that could be donated or disposed of.
The siblings have NO voice and NO rights to any of her property. Period!! If any of them go on and take anything, it is theft pure & simple. You could offer to let them purchase whatever items they may want, but you really cannot allow them to raid the house. It should be noted also that gifting personal property at this time might have some legal implications if that property has a material value.

Take care & I wish you the best of luck. Dealing with family can be ugly. Hope, if they try to give you problems, you will tell them you're performing your legal duty & they can go blow it out their ditty bag. ☺️

my grandmother's situation was handled like harpcat's; my mother and her 2 brothers met at grandmother's house and not sure if they tagged or this was done with things that grandmother had already tagged - I know there were some things she had specifically designated for particular people - like her china cabinet was to go to the oldest granddaughter, but I think that was the only thing that skipped a generation and not even sure why that was, just know it hurt mom's feelings but know they did do the drawing thing, at least seems like got to that point for some things, just know each brother got a bedroom suit and mom got the living room furniture, at least the couch grandmother had just bought and the end and coffee tables and her kitchen table and chairs but I also know there was a lot of stuff that my one uncle tried to throw away but mom and the other one got and kept; I know she didn't want an estate sale and they didn't have one, same with my parents; like hers, dad just wanted us to have whatever we wanted but this was after they died; none of them ever went to a facility; not really sure how that would have worked, but don't think there would have been enough value in any of that stuff to have made a difference; would have just used the house value in that case. Mom did have some specific jewelry pieces named in a will but we never found them.

All these answers were good. I am in the process of doing this for my mom. I am her legal guardian. There are 4 kids and so far we have worked together pretty well. Removing all this stuff is not bothersome or sad to me, it's just part of the process. My mom gifted more valuable items in her will. We all have a copy of the will. We plan to all get together at a certain time and start picking items we want. There is not much value in all this old stuff anyway. I am not discussing this with my mom with her dementia it would just be upsetting to her. If I was not supported in this journey with my mom, my brothers and sister would not be reaping to much rewards. If you don't do the work, you don't get a prize. I am personally able to deal with this mess. Good luck to you.

As DPOA, you should be acting in your mom's best interest. If she's still capable of making lasting decisions... ask if she would like her listed items distributed now? If not, remove all the items that ARE on the Personal Property Lists and put them in storage. Then i would contact the sibs and give them a chance 1 weekend to review everything else and another weekend to remove what they want. Sell or give away the rest.

My father's will states all proceeds from house contents will be divided equally, assuming Medicaid is not in the picture. Siblings can purchase items they want if Dad hasn't already identified specific items for them.

Some owe money, so that needs to come out of their share first. I could only hope there would be enough to cover those situations.

I live with him, so protecting and handling property & physical assets will be interesting, at best when I am appointed Executrix.

My father died 10 years after my mother and after his funeral, my older sister and I invited everyone in the family to Dad's house with the idea they could select items in their memory. The family included my parents' children and grand children and great grandchildren. They were happy they could have something from my Mom and Dad that meant something to them. My mom had a large collection of miniature vases that the grand daughters split between them. I took the miniature oil lamps. The process worked very smoothly. No one wanted furniture items except me and we donated the rest to Goodwill. Same thing with clothing.
I am now power of attorney for two long-time friends of mine who have just moved to a memory care apartment in an assisted living facility and I have to decide what to do with a lot of the stuff in their condo. There is only 1 distant cousin involved and I turn to her for advice on family items. She is the second POA and we communicate a lot since she lives two states away. When it comes to the possible antique dining room furniture, her advice was to get it appraised and sell it. These friends will need all the money they can get to pay for their care. I like the idea of labeling the items that can't be chosen and let them decide what is most meaningful to them. They may have dollar signs in their eyes, but they may also just want things that remind them of your mom, which is a tribute to her.

Hello there,
Seems to me, that if mom has asked you to get the house ready for sale, and "She has many items that are not listed in the Personal Property section of her Will-- things like some furniture, sewing machine, exercise equipment", then I'd sit down with her and itemize trough those things with her regarding their disposition, put that information in a new "update" will. If she can tell you to "get the house ready for sale" and you are going to do that as directed, then you are confident of any other decisions she tells you regading the other stuff in the house that you aren't sure about. The more stuff that is specifically covered in the will, leaves very little or less things for you to have to worry about later on when the vultures do appear, if they do. I've seen similar situations before,and it was surprising how little the "vulture" types of family members actually showed up, once they found out that everything was already covered in the will. They may only manage the one trip to hear the dispensation of the will. I'd get these loose ends tidied up with mom's input on them, so you can continue to enjoy all the time you can with your mom, as her daughter ; ) Hope this helps in some way.

Having been excluded from being allowed to share in something, I believe the one with the power (POA) and your mother's statements makes the decisions. Give everyone (family) notice they can come to the house at the same time, get what they want and put the property that is in the Will in a separate place or just a note on each item saying it is given at death. There is always going to be disagreements and you as a family will have to sort that out. Since your mother has appointed you to act in her behalf then she trusts your judgment. You know your family members better than we do, and I know if you have taken care of your mother so far, you can manage getting ready for a house sale. Thank you for stepping up to the plate and forgive your siblings. Not everyone can handle caregiving...Best wishes!

I went through this just last year. Mom was stressed as my vulture siblings were besieging her with specific wants/needs for themselves or for their children on a daily basis once they found out she was selling the house. As there were five siblings, I sat down with Mom (you need to make sure she agrees with any plans) and set up a system. Each child was given a number based on the age order. We had five turns each. Starting with the oldest, they picked one item, then on to the second oldest and down the line. They could choose an item for themselves, or one for their child. Anything left after the five turns was sold at the garage sale and they were free to buy it at that time. Mom had some specific items she wanted to give to specific children/or grandkids and these were removed from the "lottery" per Mom's request. I called each of the siblings and told them a specific time and date. If they could not be there, they were free to select by phone when it was their turn. This prevented the "johnny got everything" whining that usually follows, when a parent downsizes or passes away. If they didn't choose the item they wanted on their turn and it went to another sibling then tough luck. I also asked each sibling to stop calling Mom with requests as it was stressing her out. I have to say it worked very nicely.

Mallory I can tell you from recent experience that the sight of one's siblings rummaging through one's parent's belongings is pretty stomach-turning, even if they're not especially greedy. Avoid it, I should.

You could ask your siblings to email you (brief) lists of any items of particular sentimental value that they would like, which you can then set to one side for them on a first-come first-served basis. That way at least they will have to care enough about an object to remember that it exists, which gives you some kind of filter.

As long as you are acting on your mother's instructions, which you are, you are free to sell any items and add the proceeds to your mother's account. If you want to give things away to deserving recipients or charities, it might be best to check with her that she is happy with that in principle, and just keep a note of anything of any actual dollar value.

This is a harrowing process, but you'll be glad when it's done. Hugs.

You obviously have very different family dynamics than we did. Of course things designated in the will have to go to the persons listed. Now it boils down to how your mother feels about her children taking things they would like to have. also, does she NEED the sales proceeds for her care? Two important questions. I think unless all siblings can be there at the same time, it isn't fair to let others begin taking things. My 3 sisters and I met at dad's and we each had a different colored sticker and we tagged things we wanted. If more than one of us tagged the same item then we drew for it. Only first generation could be involved...no grandkids etc. it worked out great. The rest went into an estate sale. My dad wanted us to take whatever we wanted. But then financially that was ok in his case. I like what Wisepati said about letting the sibs buy what they wanted at the estate sale if financials are a concern.