My wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer back in October. She is staying with her son since he can off the spiritual support she needs. I am not religious and this has always caused problems between her son & I. Her son and I got into a screaming match over the phone the other day and it basically comes down to he blames me for everything including her cancer. My wife was still helping to contribute to the monthly rent while staying with him but now her son is basically controlling all aspects of her life and that has stopped.. I believe he is screening any calls or texts I send to her. My wife was is on SSA early retirement but I have since become aware that she is likely eligible to receiver her full pension amount on SS Disability. Possibly retroactive to when she first had her symptoms and since she is terminal she can be fast tracked on what SSD call Compassionate Allowance.
She is trapped between her son and I and is taking strong narcotics for pain and at this point I am not even sure how lucid she is. What rights do I have as her husband to
1. Be able to see or speak with her without her sons interference or presence.
2. To start the disability claim without her consent if and get access to her medical records.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank You
Try to plan your finances as best you can without her, protecting any community assets as best you can by seeking legal advice. You don't yet know, but her actions may in some way be protecting you from the financial devastation a terminal illness may cause if she is living with her son. I don't know.
As for missing her, loving her, if they do attend a church at all, go there, meeting up with the leaders ahead of time, just be there, don't cause a scene. She may ask to see you. If it is in public, that request should not be denied. You don't have to be a christian to go to a public place of gathering where everyone is welcome.
If that is not how it plays out, then something is seriously wrong in the neighborhood. If you suspect she is under the influence of a strange cult, then that is a whole different story. Even so, if death is emminent, the stress of making any changes could be fatal to her.
What is it that brought you together as husband and wife? Were you married in a church? What is it that you believe about life and death?
Again, so sorry that you are going through this.
None of my suggestions may be possible for you, and I am so sorry that you are separated from your wife.
I'm sorry if we were hard on you. Don't move to an atheist site. We are not all christian's on here. We are good, kind people and it sounds like you need the support especially if you are crying yourself to sleep each night. I'm sorry.
That's some very strange stuff there.
The way you phrase your post headline - that her son offers your wife spiritual support that you can't - hints at a sense of failure on your part which I'd like to address. There is no failure. I suspect there's bugger all spirituality about it, quite frankly, for that matter; what there is is an emotional turmoil including a good deal of desperation and desire for redemption; but you caused none of it. I'm sorrier still, because that leads me to think that you must be suffering a terrible sense of failure and rejection. But it's not you. It's them. You did your best.
Now fI ind myself alienated and in a complete vacuum and unfortunately decisions that are not made now, could have a future impact on me. It that sounds cold believe me I dearly wish she were healthy and with me. I moved to California 16 years ago to be with her. and have we have never been apart other than hospital stays. Maybe I should move on to a atheist forum for my concerns.
But I do thank those who responded for making me realize how insensitive my post did sound.
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