Dad's HA tells me he is not wiping his rear end good enough after having a BM. I got him the wet bathroom wipes and both the aid and I have talked with him about it. He gets irritated and argumentative if I push the subject. I have been watching this situation with the help of his HA by having her tell me each week if he is doing any better. Now she tells me he is not wiping deep enough to really clean properly. She says he has the rang of motion and is able to do it. I don't know why he is not. He is 81, has Dementia, AD. I could really use some advise on weather or not I should start doing this for him and or how to talk to him about it in a loving way but firmly. What are the right words?
My issue is I was raised in a VERY conservative household and taught that the human body is "nasty"/no one sees you naked and the children certainly DO NOT see the parents without clothes on; now dad is 90 and is not wiping properly (found poop on toilet seat); he does not have dementia and has about 75% range of motion but his hands/arms are very shaking.
I believe we are at the point where he needs help wiping--but I absolutely do not feel comfortable doing this and actually think it's unnatural for a daughter to see her dad's butt or private parts. Dad has the money to hire a caregiver male nurse, but refuses to do that; he feels family should take care of him. I am a co-owner of his checking account and if this continues to be a problem, I plan to hire a male nurse to take care of him as often as needed and simply pay them from his account.
Am I wrong? Does anyone else feel this way?
When I lived with my birth mother in Puerto Rico for a year (1973), we softened paper supermarket bags. (She couldn't come up with .25 cents for a roll, but there was enough $ for beer and cigarettes!). But this isn't about my tuckus, it's about your Dad's.
Maybe the toilet paper itself is a crime against humanity. Something scented, softer, more absorbent perhaps? This is a stretch, but a proctologist might have the answer you seek.
-- Ed
I would explain to him that he had some skin irritation in his bottom and that you would like to wipe it with a warm soapy wash rag to make sure it is off. IF you would feel better about ONLY you washing him and him not even trying to get it off (which he just doesn't get it at this point just like my mom don't) then i would tell him that while there is some irratation back there you will just clean him off. At first if you would like, use tp, but i would use baby wipes first and then maybe a warm soapy rag. Atleast baby wipes if not the warm rag. Be sure to keep him covered as much as you can. When i gave my dad a bath i would turn tv on something he really liked and i ONLY uncoverded what i was cleaning. It just makes it sooo much better.
Ok i am through blah blah blah. I hope some of this helps. I am sure if i think of something else i will add it later if i can find this posting again. Look me up on Facebook and i will add as friend, that would be the quickest way i pose to communicate if you ever need anything OR if i do. Just keep us posted on how things go, but most of all Good Luck to you! You are a caring daughter. Keep it up! Myra