I have been using my savings for the past two years to care for my grandmother, on the agreement that she will provide a down payment and I will take care of the mortgage. My savings is almost exhausted (by October) and she has refused the last 17 properties I've shown her that will accomodate us both and our pets and allow us both more independent living. (She wants to live alone, but that is entirely unreasonable). She now says she's going to buy rent in a senior-living situation. I have no doubt that her yappy dogs will get her kicked out in the first week. I have done EVERYTHING for her these past two years and now she's leaving now that I've exhausted my savings. What do you suggest I do?
Do not expect monetary compensation of any kind. Get on with your own life and stop sizing up everyone's financial assets. The best you can hope for is that she will give you some money via her will to take care of the money you've already spent on her. At age 90, she won't be around forever.
I hope you can get your Grandmother to reimburse you for your costs. I think she really took advantage of you and I can understand why you have done a lot of crying this week. I agree with Jeannegibs, but I would offer this one last bit of advise: If Grandma decides to call you up again and have you rescue her, (1) Get the money she owes you upfront with a written statement explaining that it is money she owes you. Make it a detailed statement. (2) Get another agreement as to you providing care for her, and that you will be purchasing a house together. Get the down payment in your hands and in the bank before you pick her up.
Let me be really clear, make sure you have the money in your hands and deposited into your bank account before you pick her up. You might need some legal guidance in putting the written agreement together.
If you do all of this and she is living with you again, you must be prepared that she will might decide she wants to live elsewhere again, so things have to be structured so she can't leave you holding the bag again. For example, can you afford to make the house payment on your own AND it's not solely in her name so she can't sell the house out from under you.
Having said all that, it might be best that you leave Grandma behind and just take care of yourself. I hope you can at least get the money back that she mooched from you.
Grandma can spend her assets any way she wants to, including on financially bailing out one child while sponging off others. Her money, her choice.
You are feeling used because you are being used. Perhaps that was not Grandma's original intention and perhaps she does not understand it that way now. But if she has been living off your savings, on the promise that she'd pay you back in the form of a downpayment on a house you'd own together. She has changed her mind about that, so the only decent thing for her to do (in my opinion) is to pay you back. But she didn't write in for our opinions, alas.
So ... what I suggest you do is
1. Try to get her to honor her agreement by paying you for your expenses on her behalf over the last two years. Would the whole family support you on this? Is there any leverage they could exert to help your cause?
2. If you get some compensation, great. But whether you do or not, get on with your life. Move into something smaller and suits just you and start building your savings up again. Chalk this up to a very expensive learning experience and move on. I hope it was at least rewarding to bond with Grandma and learn more about your heritage.
3. Contnue to be loving toward your grandmother, but avoid ANY financial dealings with her -- not even I'll buy lunch this time and you buy it next time. She cannot be trusted to hold up her end of any bargains. Whether this is due to the age-related befuddlement or a basic personality trait, don't get burned by it again.