My Mom 89, has lived with husband and me for 2 yrs. We have been unemployed for the past 10 months and very near out of safvings, but husband may be offered a job (fingers crossed) next week. if he gets it we will have to move.
A preliminary search shows that the rental house market is tight and pricey - to get a comparable home to the one we have here, and in a similar-type neighborhood, is going to cost about $1000 more per month than what we spend now.
An apartment is more affordable but out of the question - not big enough enough to give us any space away from Mom, and Moms ALZ, and the sometimes incessant yelling at all hours is not suitable for apartment living.
Here we have a 3 story home an she has an in-law suite on the LL, while we spend most of our time on the top.
So - do we sacrifice our standard of living so Mom doesn't have to contribute to the cost - or do we go with the type of place we are used to and have always lived in (husband is a upper level manager) and make her pay the difference?
I have two nasty brothers who never visit OR call but i am sure I will have to account to them when all this is over. I am an honest, ethical person and don't even want the appearance of doing anything 'wrong'.
"There is a cost of living expense allowed by law for your Mom's room and board and 24/7 care. You should find out these amounts. It's $335.00 a day for my county/state."
person that comes to comfort and enjoy good times I am welcomed with open arms. " I got MY MOM back!" Like a miracle I am her baby once again. The Mom you know is still in there. I have seen my mother go from completely delusional and confused to being aware of her surroundings and confortable and not stressed. She is still confused but with a routine and stable enviroment she feels a sense of control. Try to stay focused on what is best for everyone involved. Your health is important too. A person is financial responsable for themselves what ever you decide you don't have to pay for anyone else to live but as POA you have to make sure you do things for her benefit and should document everything you do or have done for future references. Good Luck!!!
BTW - I tried for years to help my Mom make arrangements for her banking and finances but was angrily shut out - despite the fact that I was a paralegal who had done such for others. Mom was a 'peculiarly paranoid" individual before sheever got sick, and as a result had no friends or family members left who cared. Only my oldest daughter and myself stayed in touch. And It was only because of old neighbors and good connections that we were able to get the POA done before she was diagnosed ith Alzheimer's!
If I had to do it again I would INSIST early on that all these steps be taken, all the desires and needs made clear or I'd stubbornly refuse to have anything to do with her. Of course with my mom that would have made no difference. But those with rational parents who expect they will be left to handle these things should put your foot down while there is still time.
As Jeanne said, find comparable care costs in the area and document it. (btw, you are providing one-on-one care which would never happen in an NH).
Of course, you need to be aware of what your Mom can afford and not go beyond what is reasonable. But anything that is related to her care should come from her income. Really, who cares about the absentee bros? Let them come and experience the joys of caregiving firsthand.
If you want to go with the renting option, you can find nice condos or duplexes that are main level and are side by side. That way you can have the space you need and Mom will be close by. Then, her name is on the lease and you can prove that her funds paid for her space.
Geeezzz, I am getting so tired of all of us having to tiptoe around uncaring sibs. When all is said and done, all they want you to do is, "show them the money..." Sad for them, a pain for us!
Do what you think is best for all of you. You have the stress of the job search and move ahead of you. Don't worry about the "nasty brothers."
good luck