My mom is 101, and suffers from chronic pain due to osteoporosis and arthritis. I am her only caregiver, and she lives in my home.
She is only able to sit/lay in one position because her spine is twisted so badly. Her doctor says that hospice care is available for someone in her situation. Right now I am able to move her by wheelchair from her bed to a chair to help relieve pressure on her spine, butt, and ribs. She is also still able to feed herself, and has no incontinence issues, hence no adult underwear is needed. She is able to use her bedside commode with my help. She does not have alzheimers/dementia, so knows the time will come when she won't be able to function as before, and I will no longer be able to help her as I have.
My fear is that if hospice becomes involved, it will just speed up her decline, and I hate to take that final step. I also understand the necessity of having help to address issues that I can not deal with, and to give my mom the care she needs and deserves.
Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated!
I am so sorry for your loss---and DO NOT beat yourself up over giving mom morphine to ease her pain in her last days. I am sure she is happier being out of pain. I gave my sweet, sweet daddy as much as he asked for. Not one day have I questioned the right or wrong of my choice. What you say were normal parts of the dying process....hard as it is to watch, would you have wanted her to have one more hour or day of that kind of pain? Take time to grieve and don't make yourself sick over choosing to relieve her pain. Hospice people are well versed in knowing just what to do. I have had nothing but the utmost respect for their help.
I am sorry you are hurting.
They will NOT speed decline.
They will provide medications to help relieve pain and discomfort.
They will provide supplies
They will provide a hospital bed if needed, lifts if needed, shower chair, commode if needed.
What they will require is that medications for the "terminal" illness be discontinued. Example if a cancer patient is getting chemo, that needs to be discontinued however they will not require a diabetic to give up insulin.
What you will find is that the person admitted to hospice will be more comfortable, it is possible that 2 things may happen.
The person my seem to get better for a while, this is due to the increased attention and help provided by hospice.
Once the person is relaxed and out of pain they can comfortably pass. So it may seem like death is hastened but it is the relaxed, final stage. Think of it this way if a person has a great deal of difficulty breathing and drugs are given to relax muscles to breathing is more easily accomplished so a good sound sleep is finally able to take place. It may seem like "they are drugged" but it is really a phase of the body shutting down. The body is reserving energy to do as few functions as possible to keep the brain and core going. So a person will sleep more and with the help of medications muscles can relax so limbs are not tense, breathing is easier.
I urge you if you have any questions about Hospice call them and ask if they will come and evaluate your Mom. They can explain what they do and what they do not do.
And most important you can always request that Hospice withdraw. So if you are not pleased with the care or if you have reservations you can drop Hospice at any time.
As you can see I LOVE my Hospice team and I would not be able to do this journey without their love, care and support.
Just some background information, my sister was in hospice last year for 4 months after her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. I cared for her myself, and I had to administer liquid morphine to her as her pain increased; eventually it was around the clock during her last week of life. She got to the point she couldn't swallow water (this was after she needed morphine continually to control her pain), and it was so hard watching her die under these conditions. Hospice was always there when I needed them, and they provided great support, but I was not emotionally prepared for the toll it took on me and my poor mom.
My fear is that the same thing that happened with my sister will happen to my mom when she begins to need stronger medication for her pain. I do not think I can bear to see my mom suffer in such a way. I hope she dies peacefully in her sleep before needing to be kept on pain meds to keep her comfortable.
GrandmaLynn5-- Perhaps your mom is on Palliative Care which is also offered by local Hospices. You don't need a terminal diagnosis for that. Also, no Hospice should be religiously based. They all have Chaplains, but we are trained to be ecumenical, interfaith, or even non-faith.
Anonymous44- Hospice in NO WAY hastens a person's death, nor do we push for harsh drugs. The purpose of Hospice is to make a person as comfortable as possible such as providing a hospital bed or wheelchair or bedside potty or diapers or a CNA to help bath the patient or do some minor house cleaning or make a meal Hospice does nothing the patient or family does not want. I am sorry you seem to have had a bad experience with Hospice, but many others have not. It has helped them!
I just want to say, God Bless your mom---101 and still alert and oriented. She must be an amazing woman. Talk with her and find out what she wants. She seems to be aware of the situation, so let her tell you what she wants. You sound pretty amazing yourself, and a very loving child. Good luck on finding what you both desire and need.
Alifay55, read the previous two posts and think them over. They're both quite correct; in general, hospice is only called in if the patient has abt 6 months to live, I think -- but many ppl go in and out of hospice once they become more comfortable, and can repeat that cycle . The "few months" can be longer or shorter and, depending on the patient. I wish I'd been able to persuade my mum of that fact. She would have been so much more comfortable.
I know it came be difficult to care for an elder when you yourself are probably a senior citizen yourself. We no longer have the energy or the strength to care for our parents like we did in the past. Thus, Mom might need a paid caregiver to help her out. Or Mom could move to a continuing care facility where she would get around the clock care.
Hospice does not give 24-hour care. Hospice will send out nurse/aide once or twice a week to check in on the patient, take blood pressure readings, etc. to report back to the Hospice physician. There might be an Aide who can come in to help bathe Mom. There might be a volunteer who comes in just to sit and chat with Mom. You will still need to do the bulk of the care, unless you hire a caregiver.
Hospice does not necessarily speed up death but it will make her more comfortable if the end is near or she is consciously ready to give up the fight, quit eating etc.
If she's of sound mind, talk to her about hospice. I'm guessing that in any event you are going to need help of some sort soon.